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  • #76
    Re: Jesus Spotting!

    You have a problem with Jesus blessing people through gifts of the anal variety?

    ANAL WARTS - A Precious Gift from God!

    Thanks to Professor Elmer White, distinguished professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology), who refuses to be silenced by the constant barage of atheist scientific persecution, the whole world knows just how mysterious God's Ways can be. Besides, it should come as no surprise that the King of the Universe who talks out of His ass should also shower blessings out of one.

    Once again, your mockery falls flat under the Power of Christ!
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • #77
      Re: Jesus Spotting!

      Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
      You have a problem with Jesus blessing people through gifts of the anal variety?
      ...

      Once again, your mockery falls flat under the Power of Christ!
      So True™, dear Sister! A member of the atheist cult tries to mock Jesus without realizing that Jesus uses all available means of communication to express His displeasure about the current state of affairs on Earth. If we dig deeper into the colonic realm, we shall find Jesus staring back at us. Literally.



      That image of Christ is from a colonoscopy. The diverticula of this person have been miraculously arranged by Jesus to show us the appearance of Jesus Christ Himself. Why not? He is everywhere!

      Psalms 139:7-9
      Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

      The diverticular depressions on the inner lining of the rectal colon form a greeting but also a dire warning by Jesus. Imagine this: A homerpair is engaged in their favorite past time - anal frolicking. Upon the moment of release with the face of Jesus on the way they cannot avoid performing the ultimate act of blasphemy: Filling the Sweet Face of Jesus Christ with wasted semen, a facial degradation so vile that no human being has ever suffered anything as repulsive. This will warn them off from repeating such acts and brings them back to Jesus. Indeed, the Power of Christ can overcome all obstacles.


      Yours in Christ,

      Elmer
      2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



      PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
      Check out our Research in Creation Science:

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      • #78
        Re: Jesus Spotting!

        is showing His Holy Wrath towards the Santeria-worshiping unbelievers in Haiti:



        God created fossils to test our faith.

        * * *

        My favorite LBC sermons:
        True Christians are Perfect!
        True Christian™ Love.
        Salvation™ made Easy!
        You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
        Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
        Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
         Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
        Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
        The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
        Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
        God HATES Rational Thinking!
        True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

        Comment

        • #79
          Re: Jesus Spotting!

          Tell me you can't see Him, tell me.
          Attached Files
          If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

          Comment

          • #80
            Re: Jesus Spotting!

            Originally posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole View Post
            Tell me you can't see Him, tell me.

            I see more of a Baby Jesus, focusing inward on his first blessed dukie.


            Who knows how rich and abundant the crop yields were during the time when Jesus walked and squatted upon the earth?


            Respectfully Yours,


            Handmaiden
            His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

            Guns For God and the Economy

            Comment

            • #81
              Re: Jesus Spotting!

              Glory!

              As a sign for the New Year Jesus appeared on a pile of cigarette butts. For easy viewing, the unmistakable face of our Redeemer is enclosed in a red oval shape.



              This is easily explained. Jesus can be anywhere!

              Psalms 139:8
              If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

              No place is too insignificant for Jesus! He makes His immanent Return know to everyone, everywhere!

              Acts 2:19
              And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke:

              Wonderful apparitions, wonderful news for the World!


              Yours in Christ,

              Elmer
              2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



              PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
              Check out our Research in Creation Science:

              Comment

              • #82
                Re: Jesus Spotting!

                This just goes to show, Jesus is everywhere -- even on Mars, letting the folks at NASA know He's watching them.



                .

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                • #83
                  Re: Jesus Spotting!

                  Great news! California is not totally lost. Jesus still keeps vigil in that godforsaken territory and tries to alert the sinners with an occasional apparition!



                  Recently, he was spotted in a puddle of vomit in a Long Beach Bar!





                  This is exactly as promised in the Good Book!

                  Leviticus 18:25
                  And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.

                  Jesus                   is still patrolling and visiting the land and trying to attract more sinners unto His bosom. He is Merciful (Jonah 4:2). Glory!




                  Yours in Christ,

                  Elmer
                  2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



                  PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
                  Check out our Research in Creation Science:

                  Comment

                  • #84
                    Re: Jesus Spotting!

                    Originally posted by Elmer G. White View Post
                    Great news! California is not totally lost. Jesus still keeps vigil in that godforsaken territory and tries to alert the sinners with an occasional apparition!



                    Recently, he was spotted in a puddle of vomit in a Long Beach Bar!





                    This is exactly as promised in the Good Book!

                    Leviticus 18:25
                    And the land is defiled: therefore I do visit the iniquity thereof upon it, and the land itself vomiteth out her inhabitants.

                    Jesus                     is still patrolling and visiting the land and trying to attract more sinners unto His bosom. He is Merciful (Jonah 4:2). Glory!




                    Yours in Christ,

                    Elmer
                    This is the kind of Rock Solid proof that Jesus inspired in the writers of the Bible(KJV1611)

                    Romans 1:19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them

                    Anyone who is not a Christian is not being intellectually honest or is a proponent of the thing that Jesus hates:

                    That's right: anal sex

                    It's proof (if proof be need be) that nonChristians are either stupid of gay.

                    YIC
                    1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                    Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                    Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                    Comment

                    • #85
                      Re: Jesus Spotting!



                      Jesus is pleased. He's increasing his transmissions and widening His scope to His closest advisers and followers. This loaf of white bread emerged today from an all-American bakery that caters to Biblical values!



                      Never before has a Presidency begun under such wonderful omens, under the rule of Jesus Himself. One of the most cherished verses in the has suddenly come to full bloom!

                      John 6:51
                      I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.

                      Thank you, Jesus, for the Wonderful Gift that is Mr. Trump!




                      Yours in Christ,

                      Elmer
                      2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



                      PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
                      Check out our Research in Creation Science:

                      Comment

                      • #86
                        Re: Jesus Spotting!

                        GODLINESS truly IS back in government. Why, our own Brother Sean Spicer is sporting on his forehead!

                        Attached Files
                        sigpic

                        Tweet me Here
                        My GODLY Bio Here

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                        • #87
                          Re: Jesus Spotting!

                          Jesus returns to His Earthly profession for an instant and leaves a beautiful message for all the manual laborers of our World!

                          Mark 6:3
                          Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, and Simon? and are not his sisters here with us? And they were offended at him.



                          A pile of sawdust but not just any pile. If a pile contains 2,000,000 tiny minute particles of wood, what would then be the likelihood of these fragments arranging themselves in the likeness of Christ by random chance? Correct! Infinitesimally small! Hence, evolutionary theory also collapses with this message from God, from Jesus Christ, our Sweet Redeemer! Glory!

                          In addition, this is a reminder for all the fake news sites that you should not meddle with our president, Mr. Trump!

                          Matthew 7:4
                          Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

                          All things that oppose Jesus are fake news; all things that oppose our Lawful Leader are also fake news. A mote is a speck of sawdust. Jesus reminds the sinners that it is they who have blinded their vision with all the forgeries, not us.

                          Matthew 23:24
                          Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.




                          Yours in Christ,

                          Elmer
                          2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



                          PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
                          Check out our Research in Creation Science:

                          Comment

                          • #88
                            Re: Jesus Spotting!

                            Rapture is closer! This time Jesus appeared in Manizales, Colombia. It is the same spot where He killed 17 people a few days ago with a mudslide. Now He is showing His face to let know all Christians that He is behind everything that happens, and the Salvation Day is closer!




                            Please forgive the spanish in the Youtube thing. Focus on Jesus and you will forget about the language of the servants.
                            1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.

                            Comment

                            • #89
                              Re: Jesus Spotting!

                              Originally posted by Brother Gonzalez View Post
                              Rapture is closer! This time Jesus appeared in Manizales, Colombia. It is the same spot where He killed 17 people a few days ago with a mudslide. Now He is showing His face to let know all Christians that He is behind everything that happens, and the Salvation Day is closer!
                              Thank you, Brother Gonzales, for that picture of Jesus. Our nation does not understand how close we are to Salvation Day. Jesus tries to warn us by showing up but sinners just ignore Him and go on with their sinful lives. Here He was again:


                              Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                              Comment

                              • #90
                                Re: Jesus Spotting!

                                Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
                                Thank you, Brother Gonzales, for that picture of Jesus. Our nation does not understand how close we are to Salvation Day. Jesus tries to warn us by showing up but sinners just ignore Him and go on with their sinful lives. Here He was again:


                                Oh, dear. I thought that I was looking at Poseidon or Neptune for a moment--possibly Aquaman or that little redheaded harlot mermaid's father.


                                But I have been fasting for a day or so.
                                His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

                                Guns For God and the Economy

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