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Reload this Page ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven
The Corona Virus Among the seven last plagues.

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Default ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 01:31 AM
It seems to have become general knowledge among the unsaved wretches of the world that they have been targeted by God, that the Corona Plague is on the way and that they will shortly be having that final interview with Jesus. They are all going to die and they seem to sense it even if it hasn't entirely sunk in yet.


All over the world, in every country, among every race, the toilet paper is all bought up by sinners who are frantically trying to wipe away the sinful residue of their godless existence. After a lifetime in darkness they want to adopt a facade of cleanliness and uprightness. It won't work. And worse, there is no toilet paper for the righteous.


The Great Toilet Paper hoax is only false hope. There is One Way: Jesus. Only through the love and compassion of Jesus Christ may these sinners be saved. There is still time, but it is a narrow window to get on that narrow path. Those currently unsaved and marked by the Lord for retribution will still all die, but they will be spared the searing fires and punishments of Hell if they have come to Jesus.


Let the unwashed and unsaved abandon their toilet paper fixation before it is too late and find eternal salvation with Jesus.

God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 01:45 AM
I suggest that instead of trying to fight this, we work with it.

Remember "Convert to Jesus and get a free* Playstation" ? Same thing. With T.P.

In case demand outstrips our supply, we should be careful never to say if the promised toilet paper will be fresh or not.

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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 03-15-2020 at 03:07 AM.
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 02:12 AM
In Genesis 22:14 God tells us the Lord will provide. That should be read to all the hoarders.

Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 02:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
I suggest that instead of trying to fight this, we work with it.

Try this slogan on for size: "Convert to Jesus and get a free* Playstation" ? Same thing. With T.P.

In case demand outstrips our supply, we should be careful never to say if the promised toilet paper will be fresh or not.

That is an idea worth trying. Sincere converts could get a roll for every member of their family. Soon, there will be toilet paper again because once President Trump gets wind of it, he will demand action. We could send the rolls as soon as we can get some and, in the meantime, the new tithes will more than pay for the rolls when we get them. It's a win-win-win. You don't see that very often.

God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 03:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
Soon, there will be toilet paper again because once President Trump gets wind of it, he will demand action.
Best of all, he'll make Mexico pay for it.

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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 05:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
All over the world, in every country, among every race, the toilet paper is all bought up by sinners who are frantically trying to wipe away the sinful residue of their godless existence.
There was a time when everyone was following another hoax, trying to accumulate as much sinful residue as possible. They would help one another apparently, smelling necks and stuff, but never reading The Bible.

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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 07:55 AM
In spite of suffering the Corona, I did not buy into this toilet paper nonsense, in fact I don't buy the stuff. For keeping my bum clean, I just use a washcloth and rinse it off after with soap and water. Simple. Never have bought TP again, never will.
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-15-2020, 05:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alvin Moss View Post
All over the world, in every country, among every race, the toilet paper is all bought up by sinners who are frantically trying to wipe away the sinful residue of their godless existence. After a lifetime in darkness they want to adopt a facade of cleanliness and uprightness. It won't work. And worse, there is no toilet paper for the righteous.
Amen, Brother! Verily, the End Days are upon us, as shown by the devastating extent of the Great Toilet Paper Shortage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by upchucker67 View Post
In spite of suffering the Corona, I did not buy into this toilet paper nonsense, in fact I don't buy the stuff. For keeping my bum clean, I just use a washcloth and rinse it off after with soap and water. Simple. Never have bought TP again, never will.
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-16-2020, 01:26 AM
I am proud that I have never used toilet paper in my entire life. The Bible never mentions it so clearly Jesus didn't use it and neither will I.

The, unrelated, severe pain in my behind when I use the toilet is no doubt a sign from God that suffering is the path to Heaven.

Psalm 119:50
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.

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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-16-2020, 02:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
I am proud that I have never used toilet paper in my entire life. The Bible never mentions it so clearly Jesus didn't use it and neither will .

Psalm 119:50
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
Thank you!
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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-16-2020, 03:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by upchucker67 View Post
In spite of suffering the Corona, I did not buy into this toilet paper nonsense, in fact I don't buy the stuff. For keeping my bum clean, I just use a washcloth and rinse it off after with soap and water. Simple. Never have bought TP again, never will.
Dear above! You know, Mr. Hucker, it is of no wonder to any as to why you suffer from boils on your rear end! You had better "clean up your act" if you hope for a chance of an eternal home in Heaven!

Isaiah 1:16 "Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil"

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Default Re: ATTENTION HEATHENS: A well wiped butt will not get you into Heaven - 03-19-2020, 11:30 AM
Where's my TP award? I'm the OG poster for resistance in this matter!
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