[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Sure thing, Pastor. A Poem Based On Ezekiel

Ezekiel was blessed with the honor of seeing God's loins
At His command did eat a book that tasted sweet as honey!
If you are good, and God lays a stumbling block before you, and you fall from grace, God will kill you, and all your good deeds shall be forgotten!
At His command was Ezekiel to eat barley cakes made of human excrement!
God hates Ezekiel's hair, so he shaves it bald. A third he burns, a second he stabs, the rest he scatters in the wind.
God will make father eat the flesh of son, and son to eat the flesh of father!
He will send plagues, famines, and wars to us all, and if any survive, we'll be eaten by wild beasts!
The land shall be decorated with bones and corpses!
God will mark of the forehead of the men He wants to save, all the rest He shall have no pity on!
No pity shall He have on those wicked women, who sew abominable pillows!
No pity shall He have on the prophets He lied to, since they believed God's lies!
Women, don't sleep with foreigners just because they have bigger penises!
Men, stay away from menstruating women!
God Almighty polluted Israel with idols and injustice, so He could have an excuse to destroy Israel!
Let not a foreigner touch your virgin breast, ladies, for the penalty is either being paraded naked in public, taking away your children, and stabbing you with a sword - or cutting off your nose and ear, being forced to cut off your own breasts, be raped an mutilated and stoned to death!
Stay away from those donkey-sized penises, ladies!
God gets excited when he cooks human flesh and scum!
God killed Ezekiel's wife and told him not to mourn her!
God makes their loins be at stand and then cuts them off!
God makes armies out of skeletons!
By causing every man's sword to be against his brother, so the Lord magnifies Himself!
A feast shall He prepare for beast and fowl, the flesh and blood of men!
Amen!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Heathen Basher, Robert Frost stand aside! There's a children's book here! "Baby Jesus' Bedtime Poems for the Sons and Daughters of Gentle Christian Folk."

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Jeremiah

Here is God - You who says Judah has whore's forehead,
Judah who keeps adultery with stones and stocks!
Praise that God has greatly deceived this people!
Praise that He shall send leopards and lions to tear them to pieces!
Like horses, they go neighing after their neighbor's wife!
He shall send giant chicken-snake hybrids who gaze turns you to stone after you!
God is the source of evil!
Do not dare pray for His victims, God shall not hear your prayers!
The young men shall die in war, and the children die of starvation!
He sword shall devour everyone, no flesh shall have peace!
God will make everyone drunk, he will dash father and son together - without pity, He shall not spare; without mercy, He shall destroy them!
Like a sinful woman who deserves to be raped, so shall Jerusalem be destroyed!
EVERYONE shall die of war, starvation, and disease!
Those misled by false prophets shall die by famine and sword!
Because of the acts of a former king, every citizen shall be killed by the sword, torn by the dogs, and devoured by beast and fowl!
They shall die grievously, no body shall mourn them, never shall they be buried but left like dung on the earth!
God will kill everyone because their fathers forsook Him!
Look to Jeremiah, the saintly man who prayed for young men's death at war, and children's death by starvation!
If you even heard about the evil God plans to do your ears would tingle!
Parents shall eat their child, friends shall devour each other!
Look to Jeremiah, whom God deceived!
Both man and beast shall die at the great pestilence!
He'll make all of Israel drunk and then kill them with a sword!
The dead at the hands of God shall fill the world! Do not lament this!
If you try to escape to another land, still God shall track you down and kill you with war, famine and disease!
On the day of the Lord, His sword shall be drunk with blood!
If you do not cover your sword with blood, a curse shall fall upon you!
So we pray you make our foreign enemies drunk, that they may wallow in their vomit!
Burn to death the daughters of Rabbah, Lord!
Break them all to pieces!
Glory!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Jesus came to fulfill EVERYTHING in the Old Testament / He spoke in parables to make sure people went to hell! / etc.

Your work is deeply stirring!

It's as if the Lord were directly channeling His mighty words through YOU, Himself, to sooth these troubled times!

Bless you, and your inspirational gift!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On 1 Chronicles

Shame be on Uzza, who dared touch the ark, rather than let it fall to the ground. Thank you God for killing him!
Praise be to David, who tortured the citizens of the cities of Ammon with saws, harrows of iron, and axes!
Shame on David, though, for trying to take a census! Praise to God, for justly punishing this crime by killing 70,000 of His Chosen People!
Glory to God, who repented of this act afterward!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Lamentations

Oh Jerusalem, you are like a woman who sighs and turns backwards, filthiness is in your skirts!
The adversary puts his hand on her pleasant things!
God squishes mighty men, young men, and virgins, as if they were grapes!
Jerusalem is as disgusting as a menstruating woman!
Mercilessly God kills everyone, young and old, and forces mothers to eat their children!
To accomplish His fury on Israel He starves children to death and makes their mothers eat their corpses!
Amen!

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Ode To Third John

Gaius, whom I love in truth
Thy charity preceeds thee among the bretheren
Thou ripest off the Gentiles not
Diotrephes thinks himself my better
We'll see how long his letters last
Bye for now

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On 2 Kings

Oh good ol' Elijah proved himself a man of God, when he burned at the stake 102 men,
Elisha did the same when he made his servant and his descendants to be lepers for all time!
Elisha could even make heavy things float!
And God answered Elisha's prayers, he blinded all his enemies!
The plague God sent even got mother's boiling their kids to eat!
He sends a famine on the people that lasts seven years!
Whoever urinates against a wall God shall destroy!
Be not like Jezebel ladies, do not try to gain authority, for you will be thrown off a wall and fed to dogs!
All 70 of Ahab's sons were killed, and their heads placed in baskets!
Remember Jehu, who killed everyone in Samaria to show his zeal for the Lord!
Great was the reward Jehu received from God!
Be not like evil King Azariah, who God smote with leprosy!
Be like King Ahaz, who at age 36 had a son aged 25!
Be not like the Samarians, who knew not the manner of the God of the land, for they were devoured by lions!
Be not like they who eat their own dung and drink their own piss!
Be not, or else you will wake up and realize you are dead, like the 185,000 the Angel of the Lord killed!
Be like mighty Isaiah, who by the grace of God moved the sun back ten degrees!
Praise to the Lord, who will bring such evil on Jerusalem and Judah, that if you heard about it, your ears would tingle!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Daniel

When wicked King Nebuchadnezzar saw the light, he ordered all blasphemers be cut to pieces and live in dung holes! Glory!
And Daniel beheld the whole world from a top a tree!
Nebuchadnezzar eats grass, grows hair like eagle feathers and nails like bird claws!
And a detached hand writes on a wall!
The day is saved when the King orders Daniel's accusers, and their families, be thrown to the lions!
Hallelujah!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On 1 Kings

Shiver poor King David in his old age, sends for a virgin to keep him warm at night.
Solomon builds a temple, kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep!
Solomon has 700 wives and 300 concubines!
God kills anyone who pisses against the wall!
If you live in the city you'll be eaten by dogs, if you live in the country you'll be eaten by birds!
Kill everything that breathes for God's sake!
You will know the Lord is God when He huge massacres of His enemies occur!
Blasphemers must be stoned to death!
God will feed the dog's with the wicked's blood!
Plea for mercy from God and you shall not be punished, your children shall be punished instead!
Praise to God, who puts a lying spirit in the mouths of prophets!
Amen!

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Book Based On Hosea

Oh God told Hosea to marry a whore,
God will strip the adulteresses naked and expose their lewdness!
Children born of whoredom shall have no divine Mercy,
And God told Hosea to love that whore!
She was quite the bargain, only 15 pieces of silver!
Don't you ever misbehave, or you're wife and daughters might be sold the same way!
Oh pray those whores have miscarriages, and cannot feed the babes that survive!
God has given His assurance, he will slay the fruit of their womb!
God will rip them apart and eat them like a lion!
The infants of Samaria will be dashed to pieces, the pregnant women will be ripped up!
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Reading your divinely inspirational poetry is a wonderful way to begin the day!

Thanks ever so - -

Mistress Cookie

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On 2 Samuel

Oh Blessed Book
That God did inspire to lessen my work!
No poem need I toil over for thee
For I have already written poems on Chronicles
And it's basically the same thing.
AMEN!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

Can you write something about Jezebel, please?

It be shameful, I know, but I've always found her rather interesting.

[Meek and Humble]

Re: A Poem about the Gospels

A Poem Based On Joel

The Day of the Lord cometh, it is nigh at hand, wrote Joel some 2,400 years ago.
God shall make Israel pay for the damage caused by the locusts He sent, and all shall praise the name of the Lord!
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood!
God will sell your sons and daughters!
Turn your farming equipment into weapons!
Amen!