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Reload this Page Poems about the Gospels
The Poetaster's Korner Tasteful poetry for JESUS but don't let the flowers fool you. NO HOMERS ALLOWED!

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Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 01-29-2009, 06:31 AM

A Poem Based On Lamentations

Oh Jerusalem, you are like a woman who sighs and turns backwards, filthiness is in your skirts!
The adversary puts his hand on her pleasant things!
God squishes mighty men, young men, and virgins, as if they were grapes!
Jerusalem is as disgusting as a menstruating woman!
Mercilessly God kills everyone, young and old, and forces mothers to eat their children!
To accomplish His fury on Israel He starves children to death and makes their mothers eat their corpses!
Amen!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 01-29-2009, 07:07 AM

Ode To Third John

Gaius, whom I love in truth
Thy charity preceeds thee among the bretheren
Thou ripest off the Gentiles not
Diotrephes thinks himself my better
We'll see how long his letters last
Bye for now



Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 01-29-2009, 07:26 AM

A Poem Based On 2 Kings

Oh good ol' Elijah proved himself a man of God, when he burned at the stake 102 men,
Elisha did the same when he made his servant and his descendants to be lepers for all time!
Elisha could even make heavy things float!
And God answered Elisha's prayers, he blinded all his enemies!
The plague God sent even got mother's boiling their kids to eat!
He sends a famine on the people that lasts seven years!
Whoever urinates against a wall God shall destroy!
Be not like Jezebel ladies, do not try to gain authority, for you will be thrown off a wall and fed to dogs!
All 70 of Ahab's sons were killed, and their heads placed in baskets!
Remember Jehu, who killed everyone in Samaria to show his zeal for the Lord!
Great was the reward Jehu received from God!
Be not like evil King Azariah, who God smote with leprosy!
Be like King Ahaz, who at age 36 had a son aged 25!
Be not like the Samarians, who knew not the manner of the God of the land, for they were devoured by lions!
Be not like they who eat their own dung and drink their own piss!
Be not, or else you will wake up and realize you are dead, like the 185,000 the Angel of the Lord killed!
Be like mighty Isaiah, who by the grace of God moved the sun back ten degrees!
Praise to the Lord, who will bring such evil on Jerusalem and Judah, that if you heard about it, your ears would tingle!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 01-29-2009, 07:40 AM

A Poem Based On Daniel

When wicked King Nebuchadnezzar saw the light, he ordered all blasphemers be cut to pieces and live in dung holes! Glory!
And Daniel beheld the whole world from a top a tree!
Nebuchadnezzar eats grass, grows hair like eagle feathers and nails like bird claws!
And a detached hand writes on a wall!
The day is saved when the King orders Daniel's accusers, and their families, be thrown to the lions!
Hallelujah!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 01-29-2009, 03:42 PM

A Poem Based On 1 Kings

Shiver poor King David in his old age, sends for a virgin to keep him warm at night.
Solomon builds a temple, kills 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep!
Solomon has 700 wives and 300 concubines!
God kills anyone who pisses against the wall!
If you live in the city you'll be eaten by dogs, if you live in the country you'll be eaten by birds!
Kill everything that breathes for God's sake!
You will know the Lord is God when He huge massacres of His enemies occur!
Blasphemers must be stoned to death!
God will feed the dog's with the wicked's blood!
Plea for mercy from God and you shall not be punished, your children shall be punished instead!
Praise to God, who puts a lying spirit in the mouths of prophets!
Amen!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 08:09 PM

A Book Based On Hosea

Oh God told Hosea to marry a whore,
God will strip the adulteresses naked and expose their lewdness!
Children born of whoredom shall have no divine Mercy,
And God told Hosea to love that whore!
She was quite the bargain, only 15 pieces of silver!
Don't you ever misbehave, or you're wife and daughters might be sold the same way!
Oh pray those whores have miscarriages, and cannot feed the babes that survive!
God has given His assurance, he will slay the fruit of their womb!
God will rip them apart and eat them like a lion!
The infants of Samaria will be dashed to pieces, the pregnant women will be ripped up!
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 08:21 PM

Reading your divinely inspirational poetry is a wonderful way to begin the day!

Thanks ever so - -

Mistress Cookie
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 09:32 PM

A Poem Based On 2 Samuel

Oh Blessed Book
That God did inspire to lessen my work!
No poem need I toil over for thee
For I have already written poems on Chronicles
And it's basically the same thing.
AMEN!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 09:41 PM

Can you write something about Jezebel, please?

It be shameful, I know, but I've always found her rather interesting.
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 09:44 PM

A Poem Based On Joel

The Day of the Lord cometh, it is nigh at hand, wrote Joel some 2,400 years ago.
God shall make Israel pay for the damage caused by the locusts He sent, and all shall praise the name of the Lord!
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood!
God will sell your sons and daughters!
Turn your farming equipment into weapons!
Amen!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 09:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie View Post
Can you write something about Jezebel, please?

It be shameful, I know, but I've always found her rather interesting.
I did mention Jezebel in my poem on 2 Kings, but since you requested so nicely sister, I shall write a poem all about her just for you!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-02-2009, 10:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
I did mention Jezebel in my poem on 2 Kings, but since you requested so nicely sister, I shall write a poem all about her just for you!
How kind and good you are.

I love the movie, too!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 03:57 AM

A Poem About Jezebel

The was a bad woman who ruled instead of a guy
I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her.
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who turned against the Lord
How absurd, she turned against the Lord!
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who on the throne sat
Imagine that, on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who led the people into fog,
What a hog, she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who worshiped a goat
She just loved to gloat that she worshiped a goat
She worshiped the goat because she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who got thrown out a window
The eunuchs were how she got thrown out a window
She got thrown out a window because she worshiped a goat
She worshiped the goat because she led the people into fog
She led the people into fog because on the throne she sat
She sat on the throne because she turned against the Lord
She turned against the Lord because she made her husband obey her
Which furied and angered and turned God against her
She made her husband obey her because she ruled instead of a guy
But I don't know why she ruled instead of a guy
I guess she'll die.

There was a bad woman who made the people whores -
She's dead now, of course.

Amen
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 04:11 AM

God smites the Philistines with hemorrhoids in their secret parts!
God asks the Philistines to make him five golden hemorrhoids!
And God killed those cheeky 50,070, who dared look in the Ark!
God makes a covenant with you, that He may thrust your eyes out!
And I hope when the Spirit comes upon you, like Samuel, you too will hack an oxen up and send a piece to each coast of Israel!
God ordered Saul to kill all the Amalekites - men, women, babies, toddlers - even their ox, sheep, camels and donkeys!
God repented of making Saul king, when he refused to do the righteous killing!
So he was haunted by an evil spirit from the Lord!
When David needs to buy a wife, he knows the price - 200 Philistine foreskins, not 100, 200 dang it!
Kill everybody who pisses against the wall!
And David kills all the Amalekites even though Saul had already killed them all!
Saul goes to Endor on a fender, gets a witch to dig up the ditch, resurrected Samuel!
But oh no, the Amalekites must have got risen too, for even though they were all killed twice, they come invade again!
AMEN!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 04:15 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heathen_Basher View Post
.....There was a bad woman who made the people whores / She's dead now, of course. / Amen
So insightful, and so TRUE!

Bless you.

And thank you for taking requests...luring you from your mighty muse.
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 02:59 PM

The poem above should include the title "A Poem Based On 1 Samuel"

Now then - "A Poem Based On Amos"

God shall send fire unto Hazel! God shall send fire unto Gaza! And Tyrus! And Teman, and Rabbah, and Moab, and Judah...
God will slay all the princes of Moab!
Is there any evil God did not create?
God sends pestilence, kills young men with the sword, and makes you endure bad smells!
The Lord stands on a wall, talking with a plumb-bob in His hand!
Amos sees God standing on the altar!
God will kill the last of them with a sword, if they try to escape by sea they'll be eaten by sea-serpents. God will set His eyes upon them for evil, not for good!
Amen!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 03:34 PM

A Poem Based On Ruth

Naomi told her widowed daughter-in-law to spend the night with her boss
Ruth uncovered Boaz's feet, and lies down next to him!
Spread your skirt over me, she asks of him.
And so she did lay at him feet until morning!
Boaz then buys her as his wife.
Boaz then goes in unto her, and they have a son, grandfather of David!
Amen.
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 03:50 PM

A Poem Based On Obadiah

The Israelites heard a rumor from God, start a war with the Edomites!
Destroy the wise man out of Edom, slaughter everyone of the mount of Esau!
The day of the Lord is near, wrote Obadiah, only some 2,500 years ago!
God will burn all the heathen to death, for the Lord hath spoken it!
Amen and Amen!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 04:14 PM

A Poem Based On Judges

Long, long ago, the Isrealites cut off the thumbs and big toes of a captive foreign king!
The valley people attacked, but God could do nothing, for they had chariots of iron!
Ehud gave the King of Moab a message from God - a knife stuck deep inside his belly, it could not be removed, and dirt came out!
When they disobey, God sells the Israelites into slavery!
When they obey, Shamgar can even kill 600 Philistines an ox goad!
Blessed above women is Jael, who drove a tent stake through her guest's head!
Divide the prey, to every man a damsel or two!
Blessed be Gideon, who put God to the test, and God complied!
Recruit for the army, the test is simple, if you lap water like a dog, you're in!
The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow!
When the two princes are killed, their heads are delivered to Gideon!
Gideon kills all the men of Succoth!
For all his righteous acts, no doubt, Gideon had many wives!
Abimelech killed sixty-nine brothers with one stone!
And an evil spirit was sent by God!
Jephthah honorably keeps his promise, and sacrifices his daughter to the Lord!
The spirit of the Lord came upon Samson, and so he killed, killed, and killed some more!
Samson caught 300 foxes, tied their tails together, and lit them on fire!
He killed 1,000 men with the jawbone of an ass!
Then he went in unto a harlot...
Now consider this - a Levite was about to get raped by a mob, but instead they take his concubine, rape and beat her all night. She crawls half-dead onto her master's doorstep in the morning, he rides away with her, cuts her body into twelve pieces and sends on part to each of the twelve tribes of Israel!
AMEN!
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Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-03-2009, 04:31 PM

A Poem Based On Jonah

Yo ho, yo ho, God made a great fish swallow up Jonah, and there he stayed three days and nights!
When God talked to the fish, it vomited Jonah out onto dry land!
God wants those evil beasts of Nineveh to cover themselves with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God!
God repents of the evil He was going to do!
God made a gourd to shade Jonah's head, then God made a worm to destroy the gourd!
Praise to You, Oh Lord!
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