[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ -

Godly parents, please be vigilant for signs of this deviance in your children!

It has come to my attention that one of my stepchildren is a thumbsucker. Out of all six of my husband's questionable spawn, she is the only female and the only one who sucks her thumb (go figure ). When I caught her in the act and scolded her, she claimed that she wasn't even aware that she was doing it ... the little lying daughter of Eve! Out of concern for her soul (assuming she has one, being female and also artificially conceived), I mentioned this aberrant behavior to Mr. McIrish who waved me away dismissively, said something like "she'll grow out of it," and went on gulping down his Guinness.

Although my husband didn't seem too concerned, this bizarre discovery was gnawing at my heart. As usual, I prayed and consulted the Bible for answers ... and as usual, the Bible didn't disappoint! Praise GOD and his faithful Word!

According to Scripture, the only "sucking" allowed is that which involves feeding babies (Joel 2:16, Matthew 21:16, 1 Samuel 1:23); breasts (Job 3:12, Isaiah 60:16); eating honey from rocks (Deuteronomy 32:13); snakes that poison the wicked (Job 20:16); or blood-drinking eagles (Job 39:30). Nothing whatsoever about the sucking of thumbs.

So not only is thumbsucking not KJV1611-approved, but it very well might be a sin ... a sin which will lead to greater, more devious sins of the flesh! What if this girlchild involves others in her perverted sucking fetish? We all know females are born temptresses (Genesis 3:6), and I fear she will corrupt her brothers into masturbation or adultery (1 Corinthians 6:18) or, Jesus forbid, turn them to the gaywise lifestyle (Leviticus 18:22).

God is so good, ALL the time. According to His Word, there are remedies to nip this thumbsucking (and its grim, domino-effect aftermath) right in the bud to prevent fornication and homosexuality in our household: cover the girl's thumb in blood to discourage sucking (Exodus 29:20), or remove the thumb entirely, leaving nothing to suck (Judges 1:6-7)! I am tending towards the latter, in the interest of time and all involved; the children live primarily with their dimbulb unsaved whore of a mother, who cannot be counted upon to religiously coat the girl's thumb with blood and break the bad habit. I will have to consult with Mr. McIrish, of course, for his permission and to determine the best method of amputation.

There it is, straight from God's Mouth to our ears: NO thumb = NO sin!

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Paddy McIrish

[Brother Harold Porter]

A well-written post, with Biblical support, for a woman. I'm not usually in favor of women writing about sexual issues. It is just not their place to discuss what is none of their business.

But I do agree that digital-oral copulation can lead to serious sin that can compromise salvation.

In my youth, when I hated Jesus, I sought comfort by fellating my digits. First the thumb. While satisfying at first, in the girth of the first digit, it was soon replaced by both thumbs. Before long, I had almost both fists in my mouth to satisfy the desire.

Of course, this lead to painful attempts at autofellatio, and none were successful. But the drive to always get something bigger in my mouth never ceased.

So, I chose to be gay. Now I could stalk homosexual erections everywhere I went, always on the prowl for the gayest of the gays. And I am sad to say that I spent 30 years of my life coupled, above and below, to many thousands of anonymous queers. I thought I was happy, even being homeless and diseased. Just one more homo-rectal intercourse tryst in the alley, and I was good for the night!

Then Jesus saved me from myself and my filthy sin. Praise Him!

But yes, it all started with sucking my thumb.


In Christ

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Brother Harold, please let me extend my sincere appreciation; I am humbled beyond words by your praise and support. Thank you for sharing your candid testimony about how you closed your rectum to the gays and opened your heart to JESUS! Truly, with all things are possible ... (Matthew 19:26)

Your cautionary tale has strengthened my resolve. I may even speak with Mr. McIrish about the possibility of removing BOTH of his daughter's thumbs. It will prove challenging to find her a husband in a few years when she's 13 and lacking opposable thumbs (her scrubbing and baking skills may suffer), but better that she be missing a couple of digits in this mortal life rather than finding herself burning in for all eternity!

[Des]

This is a little upsetting. I wonder if it applies to women as well. If so, I fear my house staff may be turning lesbian. I had noticed that something in their environment caused them to experience some form of oral fixation, but had never thought it more than some Asian peculiarity.

They are each fitted with anti-fornication/self abuse devices upon entering service, but if any of them are harboring a perverse desire to do whatever it is that lesbians do to one another, I should be the first to know so I can quickly set them straight.

I think I have a couple of gigabytes of that particular abomination in my files gathered to investigate the depths of Asian perversion. Perhaps I should show it to them and judge their reactions.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

There is not doubt that the rapid outbreak of oral sodomy homerism and lezbeanism amongst the present generation starts with thumb sucking - and aided and abetted by these disgusting devices actively promoted by the latex / silicone rubber crowd of perverts.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Originally Posted by Des

They are each fitted with anti-fornication/self abuse devices upon entering service

Brother Des, what an inspired idea! And how thoughtful of you to care for the souls of the unsaved nips, chinks, and Orientals who are in your employ. It's truly heartwarming that you strive to protect them from their slanty-eyed, heathen selves in hopes of them knowing Jesus!

Perhaps I will look into similar devices for my husband's children (or ask Mr. McIrish to do so, in case the subject matter is too graphic for my delicate, weak constitution). These contraptions would need to be semi-permanent in nature so that not even their slut of a mother could remove them, since the whelps spend 90% of the time under her demonic influence.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan

Attachment 25802

Mercy me! Brother WJB, there's no doubt that these seemingly-innocuous tools of Satan encourage oral faggotry and other unnatural acts. I have seen secular parents foist these things called "pacifiers" upon their children with enthusiasm, damning these poor souls to the bowels of Hell! They even use cutesie names that will further tempt and appeal to kids: "passy," "binky," "nuk-nuk," and the like. Disgusting!!

The only "pacifier" a squalling brat ever needs is a sound beating from their father (Proverbs 22:15).

[Des]

Originally Posted by Mrs. Paddy McIrish

Perhaps I will look into similar devices for my husband's children (or ask Mr. McIrish to do so, in case the subject matter is too graphic for my delicate, weak constitution). These contraptions would need to be semi-permanent in nature so that not even their slut of a mother could remove them, since the whelps spend 90% of the time under her demonic influence.

I strongly advise them for all young ladies, as we know from Eve that temptation is too much for the female mind to handle.

I used to buy over the counter models, but over the years have graduated to custom fitted ones crafted in stainless steel and lined with a poly something or other to allow for natural bodily functions and easy cleaning. The unique S shaped keyhole of the locking mechanism makes the lock virtually impossible to pick.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

--UPDATE--

Well, the girlchild's evil oral-digital sodomy has not stopped.

When I approached Mr. McIrish with the Scripturally-supported suggestion of removing both of her offending thumbs, he laughed at first. Then when he realized I was being sincere, his face clouded over and he gave me a swat, saying that I was "being totally ridiculous" and that I should "stop making such a big deal because she'll grow out of it." Grow out of sin? On her own? Without major chastisement?? Not likely! This little strumpet-in-the-making is destined for Satan's own harem unless drastic measures are taken!

My husband suggested these glovelike garments that his daughter could wear to discourage her from fornicating with her thumbs. Brothers and Sisters, what are your opinions? Personally I think they look a bit whorish in that bright pink floozy hue, and rather hippyish with those dangerous liberal "peace signs" stamped throughout.

I have a bad, bad feeling about these slutty thumb adornments ...

[Mary Etheldreda]

So-called "Peace Signs" are rallying images for atheists, dear. I'm sorry, but I would never allow such a blasphemous icon to enter my home, much less don the hands of my impressionable children. Such a thing will not only encourage a child to read and heed the atheist bible, but to embrace the atheist mantra - "We Are All Animals. We Reject Morals. We Must Insert Things Into Each Others' Bums Repeatedly."

It wouldn't be so bad if this horrible belief affected only one child. That child could be beaten into submission (Proverbs 22:15). But atheism is an infection belief system. It serves to spread, like syphilis, to as many people as it can infect until the genitals are worn off and the brain has turned to mush. Is this something you really want in your home, dear?

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda

It wouldn't be so bad if this horrible belief affected only one child. That child could be beaten into submission (Proverbs 22:15). But atheism is an infection belief system. It serves to spread, like syphilis, to as many people as it can infect until the genitals are worn off and the brain has turned to mush. Is this something you really want in your home, dear?

Sister Mary, thank you for validating my fears. I certainly do NOT want these Godless gloves in my house or being worn by my step-daughter!

My heart would break if this little girl embraced the Godforsaken abomination that is atheism (though it wouldn't break TOO much, as she's not really MY child - plus, as a female, I'm not even certain that she has a soul), or if her heathen ways spread to my husband's sons (even worse!).

This is a delicate situation. I cannot condone dressing this girlchild like a Godmocking daughter of Jezebel (Proverbs 7:10; 1 Timothy 2:9), yet I certainly cannot disobey my husband (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:22). Oh, what to do?

Perhaps I should simply pray that my husband dashes her head against the rocks (Psalm 137:9)? That would solve a lot of problems!

[Comatoserocker]

Where'd you get THAT idea from? The kid's probably not reached the age of reasoning yet, kids too young can't sin because they don't understand. And what's the problem with it? It's a common thing, and it's natural for children to do it. How is sucking on your finger related to sin in any form?

[Didymus Much]

Originally Posted by katajrocker

...kids too young can't sin because they don't understand...

Hey, let's see what Scripture you can come up with to defend that idea, and then I'll list all the times in the Bible that God condemns children and then KILLS THEM for stuff that no one should really blame them for in the least. Sound like fun?

...How is sucking on your finger related to sin in any form?

Maybe you could read the thread? Hint: the answer you want is in the posts before yours.

[Redeemed Papist]

Originally Posted by katajrocker

Where'd you get THAT idea from? The kid's probably not reached the age of reasoning yet, kids too young can't sin because they don't understand. And what's the problem with it? It's a common thing, and it's natural for children to do it. How is sucking on your finger related to sin in any form?

Hang on! You are asking us where we get our ideas from? I haven't seen you quote scripture once to back up any of your sodomy-inspired ramblings. When was the first time you touched the anus of another boy? Was it worth an eternity in fire?

It's small wonder you think sucking body parts is normal. Faggy behaviour starts somehwere. It's not like people are born gay.

Jesus died so you could choose to be normal.

[Comatoserocker]

Oh please, it's just natural for babies and small children to suck on their thumb. This thread is like saying a teddy bear or a security blanked is evil. People chew fingernails and hair, and I'm not saying it's good, but there's nothing sinful about it, it's just a bad habit that's sort of unhealthy. The only problems with sucking your thumb are physical problems, like crooked teeth. Saying that a baby sucking it's thumb is sinning, is like punishing an infant for "going" in its diaper. Babies don't really KNOW anything or UNDERSTAND anything until they start to learn. This is why children under 7 don't go to confession, because they don't understand a thing they're doing properly! There's one verse in the Bible (I can't recall which numbers) but Jesus said that the prayers of children are valuable, because they're innocent. When asked where you got the idea from, it was a rhetorical question, yet I don't remember the Bible ever saying that sucking on your finger is a sin. Sure, it could lead to sucking on things innapropiately, but that's very unlikely to happen. Anyways, any good parent would get their child to stop instead of accusing them of sin. There's this very stupid article I read, and it said that God takes no pity on children and the unborn. That's just nonsense! Children and unborn children don't understand what they do. Remember while Jesus was dying, He said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." That proves that these babies are innocent!

[Redeemed Papist]

Originally Posted by katajrocker

Oh please, it's just natural for babies and small children to suck on their thumb. This thread is like saying a teddy bear or a security blanked is evil.

Good point!

We need to check out if those things are evil, too. Chances are they could be. Gay Bears could be called that precisely because of this early behaviour.

See! Even unsaved trash have good insight every now and then.

[Mrs. Paddy McIrish]

Brother RP (and to a far, far lesser extent, Didymus, I guess): Thank you for your support! As usual, GOD gives us all the answers if only we search hard enough and open our hearts to Him.

Mrs. Katydid: Where in the Bible does it say that thumbsucking IS permitted? (Answer: nowhere!)

As for teddy bears and security blankets ... well, GOD is pretty clear about how He feels when people worship anything other than Him. (Leviticus 26:1; Exodus 20:5)

So basically, children who rely on stuffed animals and ratty shreds of fabric to soothe them (instead of relying on the LORD), are not only damning themselves but also four generations of brats that come after them.

So the "problem with it" is the child's eternal soul ... and their children's ... and their children's children ... you get the point. There is nothing "unreasonable" about wanting your children to be Saved and rejoicing with Jesus in Heaven, rather than being poked by Satan down below. The answer here is to remove the child's thumb(s) if they won't stop the sucking.

Anyone who feels otherwise is clearly a child-hating, God-flauting sadistic heathen.

[Comatoserocker]

Oh come on. I love children and I love God even more. But removing a kid's thumb just because they suck on it? That's just plain cruel! And where in the Bible does it say that thumb sucking isn't permitted? The answer is still nowhere. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with bears, blankets, or binkies, as long as the parents teach their children that God is the one they should truly rely on. But a younger child just isn't old enough to understand. You say it to them, and they acknowledge you, but they just can't comprehend it. This is why children don't start school until about age 5; if you taught a kid how to do multiplication, they just wouldn't understand. And young children don't worship their blankets and such, worship is when you know that they are authority, and you owe everything to it. Children throw around, drag, and just mess up their toys, if they were worshipping it, then they'd treat it with respect and reverence. They wouldn't play with it like toys. These children's minds just aren't developed enough to understand. If a child were to die, it would go straight to heaven since it doesn't understand sin. Everyone learns eventually. You wouldn't give birth to a child and send it right to school, would you? Thumb sucking is such a stupid topic, and I have no clue why we are taking it so seriously. Why are you taking random innocent things, like thumb sucking and blankets, and finding some strange way to turn it in to something "sinful"?
By the way, I am Christian

[Comatoserocker]

I'm going to quit this website, and I won't miss anyone here. Peace out

[Des]

Originally Posted by katajrocker

But removing a kid's thumb just because they suck on it? That's just plain cruel!

Which part of Matthew 18:8-9 do you have trouble understanding?

Matthew 18:8-9 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.