Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I was surprised to read in a Barna Group survey that only 73% of women surveyed are happy in their church and feel their gifts are appreciated.

At Landover Baptist, all women are happy in their church. All are greatful to be allowed in and know their gifts are appreciated.

Women at LBC learn their gifts are limited to having children and serving their men.

I think other churches could learn from us. The 73% number reflects poor religious instruction about what women should expect.

http://www.christianpost.com/news/researchers-ask-are-women-happy-at-church-79988/

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

Dear Brother,

Sadly, many men these days neglect to appreciate women in little ways that matter to them. For example, you know how True Christian(tm) men gobble up our ladies' pie. I understand men of some other denominations refuse to show their ladies' pies the appreciation they deserve.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

You would have thought that doing what they are told and having babies would be totally fine for most women.

I can only conclude that the 73% are straight and the remaining 33% are dirty dungaree wearing lezzers, pretending to love God rather than cooter.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

You would have thought that doing what they are told and having babies would be totally fine for most women.

I can only conclude that the 73% are straight and the remaining 33% are dirty dungaree wearing lezzers, pretending to love God rather than cooter.

Great point, Brother Niles. You have to wonder about the role of homerism in a poll like that. The 27% that are not happy must be lesbian atheists. Any woman that loves Jesus loves the limits He placed on her.

[Felicity]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

I am always happy! Jesus loves me and I love Jesus!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

Mrs. Hutchins is always happy. If something is bothering her, she knows she must tell me about it and I will have her smiling again. The only time she frowns is when she has disappointed me, something she knows better than to ever do.

[John Creeser]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

Dear Brother,

Sadly, many men these days neglect to appreciate women in little ways that matter to them. For example, you know how True Christian™ men gobble up our ladies' pie. I understand men of some other denominations refuse to show their ladies' pies the appreciation they deserve.

Yours in Him,
bab

Brother Bob, so true. I showed my appreciation to Abigail this year by getting her a brand new Menstra hut!! Now she is in the lap of luxury during her unclean time when she has to be out of the house

Leviticus 15:19 And if a woman has a discharge, and her discharge in her flesh is blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

The results of the Landover experience show that women are at their happiest when firmly and simply told what to do and trained with proper discipline until they can do it properly. They then stop worrying about things all the time. It's so much less stressful for them when the man makes all the decisions and I think you'll all agree they are so much more productive round the home. Her pie never tasted so good.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

I'm sorry, I didn't know it was a church's job to make women happy. Silly me, I thought churches were for praising Jesus and learning as much as possible about His divine plan.

If I'd known churches were supposed to be making women happy, I'd have been showing up with foot lotion and pedicure supplies!

[Godfly]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

My wife goes to bed every night with tears of joy in her eyes. I often fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of her joyful sobs. What are these other "churches" doing wrong?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

Dear Brother,

Sadly, many men these days neglect to appreciate women in little ways that matter to them. For example, you know how True Christian™ men gobble up our ladies' pie. I understand men of some other denominations refuse to show their ladies' pies the appreciation they deserve.

Yours in Him,
bab

Funny you should mention that. Sister Talitha was just going on how I should come over and eat her pie. Then last Sunday Sister Thumper was in the vestibule after service going on about how Zeke always eats her pie and one of the Decons, Brother David Chushman from Zeke's Circle of Brothers, ran out to his car crying.

This some kind of woman thing were they show off who is the best cook or something?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

My wife goes to bed every night with tears of joy in her eyes. I often fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of her joyful sobs. What are these other "churches" doing wrong?

What marvelous testimony, Brother Godfly. Indeed, if all "churches" could achieve what we here at LBC have achieved with our women, the world would be a happier place.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

I asked Pastor Zeke if I am happy and he said to tell you all yes, I damn well should be happy.

[Godfly]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

I asked Pastor Zeke if I am happy and he said to tell you all yes, I damn well should be happy.

Miss Daisy Mae just uncovered the problem with this study. They asked the women if they were happy. How the Hell is a woman going to know if she's happy or not? They should have asked the husbands.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Women at Landover Baptist are ALL Happy.

I asked Pastor Zeke if I am happy and he said to tell you all yes, I damn well should be happy.

You'd damned well better be happy.