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  • Bjorn Jensen
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Apr 2012
    • 2356

    #1

    How to make an atheist cry

    The following story has been known to make atheists cry!

    An atheist in godless England went to London Zoo with his 5 year old son. In his hand he held a Bible. When they reached the chimp exhibit, the atheist said to his son "Look at the chimpanzees. See how similar they are to us? That's because we have a common ancestor, son. Evolution is true and God is not."

    The atheist tore a page out of the Bible and threw it into the chimp exhibit. A chimp quickly swung over to the Bible page and ate it. "See how the chimp ate that Bible page? If God really existed, he wouldn't have allowed the chimp to eat it."

    The atheist and his son continued to visit every animal exhibit, and the atheist father did the same thing at each and every one, one page for each animal. Finally, only one page of the Bible remained and only one animal remained to be visited.

    They came up to the aquarium where a big octopus was laying on a rock. The atheist ripped out the last Bible page and dropped it into the aquarium. Suddenly, the octopus grabbed the Bible page and began to come up, out of the water!

    The atheist and his son were so surprised their mouths fell agape! The octopus looked the father in the eye, and with an inhuman voice began to read from the page! " Psalm 14:1! The fool hath said in his heart," There is no God!" The atheist stood there, speechless! The octopus began to speak again "Do you think that because we animals ate pages of the Bible, it means that God is not real? Look how much of a fool you are! Do you not know that the Word of God is nourishment to all who partake of it! You fool!".

    The atheist dropped to his knees and began to cry. The octopus spoke again "Accept Christ, and your sins will be absolved, sinner". With a tear-stained face, the atheist said in a shaking voice: "I do! I accept Christ and God and the Holy Spirit! I was such a fool for not believing!".

    The former-atheist did the sign of the cross and stood up. His knees were still shaking but a bright glow surrounded him as he converted to Christianity.
  • Mary Etheldreda
    Gushing for Jesus
     
    • Sep 2011
    • 23775

    #2
    Re: How to make an atheist cry

    WOW! That is a Really Moving testimony, Brother!

    Thank you for sharing it!


    Praise Jesus!


    Hallelujah!


    \o/
    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

    Comment

    • Johny Joe Hold
      Mayor of Freehold
       
      • Feb 2010
      • 12879

      #3
      Re: How to make an atheist cry

      That's a powerful story. It needs to be put on the websites of American Atheists, American Humanists and Freedom From Religion.

      If every atheist read it, we would see the end of their folly.
      Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

      Comment

      • animosityX032
        Unsaved trash
        • Apr 2015
        • 2

        #4
        Re: How to make an atheist cry

        Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.

        Comment

        • Zechariah Smyth
          Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
          True Christian™
          • Feb 2011
          • 15251

          #5
          Re: How to make an atheist cry

          Originally posted by animosityX032 View Post
          Atheist speaking here, can confirm that I cri evrytim.
          Oh great, another Reddidiot.



          Hey, how about some ORIGINAL content, huh? Or have you been a Reddidiot for so long that you don't recognize originality?



          Yours in Christ,

          Z. Smyth
          sigpic

          Comment

          • animosityX032
            Unsaved trash
            • Apr 2015
            • 2

            #6
            Re: How to make an atheist cry

            The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?

            Comment

            • Zechariah Smyth
              Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
              True Christian™
              • Feb 2011
              • 15251

              #7
              Re: How to make an atheist cry

              Originally posted by animosityX032 View Post
              The staleness of the joke is the joke itself, my friend. Can I have my ban now?
              Why, so you can run back there and say "ermagerd I totally owned those guise and they banned me because awesomesauce me!!!"


              Just leave if you want to leave, dummy.





              YiC,


              Zech
              sigpic

              Comment

              • Titus Templeton
                Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
                Jesus macht frei
                True Christian™
                • Aug 2010
                • 5912

                #8
                Re: How to make an atheist cry

                We are going to make a movie out of that story. Short call by me and Kevin Sorbo is in the boat as our main actor. He already portrayed an atheist in "god's not dead" which was worthy an oscar.
                Portraying the boy I could think of Macaulay Culkin. Sure he has grown a lot in the last 20 years but he is incredible cheap to have and with the righ CGI we can shrink him down to his old self in "home alone".

                The attention in the press will be immense and our friend Mr.Trump might be spending a few dollars for the production costs if we place some advertising for his campaign in the movie.
                Even if the movie only makes a few million dollars it's enough for Pastor Ezekiels private plane and certain other investments that might be lucrative for God's favorite Church.
                -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
                -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
                -Holocaust Jokes
                -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
                -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
                -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
                -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
                -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

                Comment

                • Bjorn Jensen
                  True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Apr 2012
                  • 2356

                  #9
                  Re: How to make an atheist cry

                  Landover Productions has just announced a draft of potentional actors:

                  The Atheist - Kevin Sorbo
                  The son - McClucky Culkin (shrinked down with CGI)
                  The chimp - Spike Lee
                  The gorilla - Eddie Murphy
                  The baboon - Jada Pinkett Smith
                  The orangutan - Jackie Chan
                  Zookeeper - Ray Comfort
                  Random zoo visitor - Roper Crossburn (uncredited)
                  Random zoo visitor - Betty Bowers (uncredited)
                  Gay visitor and his boyfriend - Brother Harold Porter and Kirk Cameron
                  Zoo worker - Pastor Steven Anderson
                  Zoo worker - John Creeser
                  Security guard - Billy Bob Jenkins
                  The octopus - Wild Bill For America (voice, uncredited)

                  Comment

                  • Vessel of Christ
                    Forum Member
                    Forum Member
                    • Feb 2016
                    • 74

                    #10
                    Re: How to make an atheist cry

                    A very inspiring story! I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him. If it doesn't change his ways then I suppose I'll have to beat the love of christ into him (Proverbs 23:13-14)
                    Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                    Comment

                    • Roland
                      Obese Swedish Meatball
                      Delusional Forum Member
                      • May 2014
                      • 2193

                      #11
                      Re: How to make an atheist cry

                      Originally posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
                      [...] If it doesn't change his ways then I suppose I'll have to beat the love of christ into him (Proverbs 23:13-14)
                      Why wouldn´t you just fill him with the HUGE Love of Christ™? That seems so much more fulfilling, in a Christian kind of way.
                      Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.

                      Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.

                      Comment

                      • VictoryOS
                        True Christian™ Beauty Queen
                         
                        • Dec 2007
                        • 5388

                        #12
                        Re: How to make an atheist cry

                        Originally posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
                        A very inspiring story! I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him.
                        What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.
                        Let Jesus Christ Wash You Clean
                        in 2016

                        Comment

                        • Vessel of Christ
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Feb 2016
                          • 74

                          #13
                          Re: How to make an atheist cry

                          Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
                          What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.
                          It is true. My brother and his children are all atheists. I pray for them everyday, and try to convert them whenever I see them, but it might be too late for them. For some reason they are all determined to burn in hell. Thank you for your prayers VictoryOs. YiC
                          Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                          Comment

                          • Vessel of Christ
                            Forum Member
                            Forum Member
                            • Feb 2016
                            • 74

                            #14
                            Re: How to make an atheist cry

                            Originally posted by Roland View Post
                            Why wouldn´t you just fill him with the HUGE Love of Christ™? That seems so much more fulfilling, in a Christian kind of way.
                            Because I am not a homersexual you swedish meatball! I am straight as an arrow, and proud of it, and would never engage in relations with a man! Especially not my niece you sick swede!


                            I have some scripture for you to read!


                            Revelation 21:8 "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."


                            1 Thessalonians 4:3 "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:"


                            Leviticus 18:22 "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."


                            1 Corinthians 6:9 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind"


                            1 Timothy 1:10 "For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;"


                            Romans 1:27 "And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."
                            Leviticus 20:13 "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

                            Comment

                            • Basilissa
                              South of the Border outreach program
                              True Christian™
                               
                              • Mar 2013
                              • 12993

                              #15
                              Re: How to make an atheist cry

                              Originally posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
                              I am going to tell this story to my rebellious atheist niece the next time I see him. (Proverbs 23:13-14)
                              Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
                              What a depraved and perverted family you must have! I will pray for you.
                              Originally posted by Vessel of Christ View Post
                              It is true. My brother and his children are all atheists. I pray for them everyday, and try to convert them whenever I see them, but it might be too late for them. For some reason they are all determined to burn in hell.
                              I'd say that the reason is that you have a niece who decided to be a man. (Or a nephew who decided to be a woman, your wording is a bit ambiguous). God must really hate your family, dear!
                              God created fossils to test our faith.

                              * * *

                              My favorite LBC sermons:
                              True Christians are Perfect!
                              True Christian™ Love.
                              Salvation™ made Easy!
                              You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                              Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                              Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                              Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                              Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                              The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                              Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                              God HATES Rational Thinking!
                              True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                              Comment

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