[Didymus Much]

Re: False Religions And Cults

I don't worship monkeys or satan, I don't worship anything for that matter. All religions are false. But here are some questions for christians
Is Anne Frank burning in hell?

How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Whose prayers does God answer?

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?

I've got even more good news for you. LANDOVER HAS A "SEARCH" FUNCTION, AND ALL THOSE QUESTIONS HAVE ALREADY BEEN ANSWERED.

Sorry to everyone else for the shouting, but Little Miss Petulance seems to be a bit on "the hard of hearing what she doesn't like" side.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Is Anne Frank burning in hell?

Oh yes! She was deaf to Christ's Living Word, and served her father, Satan until the very end. Jesus warned her, but she refused to take heed (John 8:44).

How about Mahatma Gandhi?

Rat worshiping, Hindu who sought to shock decent, civilized people by lounging around in public in naught but cloth diapers? Yes. Burning. And good riddance to bad garbage, I say.

Is Fred Phelps in Heaven since he believed in the divinity of Jesus?

He didn't believe in the True Jesus, but one of his imagination. Inspired by his imagination and consequent invisible, imaginary friend, he created an apostate, cafeteria Christian cult that denies God's Word on how children should treat their parents (Exodus 20:12) and the proper role of women (1 Timothy 2:12-15).

Should a killer who genuinely repents at the end of his life go to Heaven?

If a man truly repents at the end of his life, he is no longer a killer. At least, God doesn't see him as that. He turns a blind eye to all sin (Isaiah 43:25).

Should a kind-hearted atheist go to Hell for all eternity?

You seem to have a hard time with this concept. You see, the LORD doesn't care what we think. He doesn't care how we feel. He cares only what we do (Matthew 21:28-32), and the only thing He cares about us doing is accepting Christ's temporary sacrifice on our behalf. Kind-hearted atheists, sweet and devoted gay-spouses or children, tireless but non-Christian workers against oppression and tyranny, even regular-old "Joe's" have no hope for Salvation outside Christ's conditional gift of Redemption. You can read Pastor Zeke's wonderful sermon here: WITHOUT REPENTANCE, THERE IS NO SALVATION!!

Do kind-hearted religious people who just aren’t Christian also deserve to burn?

Oh yes! Everyone deserves to burn, actually. We deserve it because the LORD God Almighty created a state of existence in which mankind is to be born in a state of divine offense. You see, mankind is so offensive to His Divine Nature that He sees the unregenerated soul as no better than disgusting, filthy, menstrual rags (Isaiah 43:25). Would you hire Two Guys and a Truck to unload a pile of crusty, festering, blood soaked rags into your living room for your guests to enjoy at Christmas Dinner? Can you imagine why God Almighty Himself does not want Heaven, His Permanent Home, to be infested with unregenerated souls like that? Do you think they "deserve" to break God's Rules in His Own Home? That's disgusting. No dear, only when we accept Christ does God see the face of Christ in us, and no longer a disgusting, pile of putrid sin.

Would you be happy in heaven if someone you loved was in Hell?

Many people think those in Heaven will be too pre-occupied with having fun praising Jesus all the live-long day, but if you read the Holy Bible, you'll know we can stand side by side with Jesus, and laugh and laugh and laugh at them (Psalms 2:4)!

If your child were dying, and I hope that never happens, would you just pray for them or would you take them to a doctor?

Doctors are for dupes. Until a medical school can figure out how to thwart the evil desires of Satan, I'll take my needs to the Great Physician, thank you.

And if you’d do both, which one do you think has more of an impact?

Why do both? Only one works!

Whose prayers does God answer?

The Righteous, of course! Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson has a wonderful sermon on this topic: Reminder: God does not hear the prayers of sinners.

And if it’s ultimately His Will, why bother praying?

We're commanded to, dear (1 Thessalonians 5:17). As we have but one duty in this life - to obey (Ecclesiastes 12:13), then pray we shall!

If you have cancer, what would help you more: Certain drugs, or prayer?

I don't believe in cancer. It's a hoax. Nothing more than a scam to get free money.

If you had an amputated limb, would prayer ever bring it back?

Why not? If it is God's Will, it will be done (1 John 5:14). And why not two limbs instead? He did just that for Job - gave him twice as much as he had lost (Job 42:10). Or a bigger, better, new and improved limb? Maybe one with super powers or bionic strength? The possibilities are endless (Luke 11:9-13)!

If you have an exam coming up, what would contribute more to a higher score: Prayer or more studying?

Why study for exams? What exams? The LORD doesn't require one to pass an exam for Salvation. Donald Trump didn't pass an exam to run for president and make everyone else look like clowns in comparison to his quick learning. Obama, on the other hand, studied for lots of exams and look where it got us today.

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Hutterites
Definition: Communists who thinks they are Christians. But they don't know that their religion is against Capitalism, so against Jesus who is in fact a Capitalist.

Arianiasts
Definition: Heretical who deny the Holy Trinity and worship Arius.

Ku Klux Klan
Definition: A bunch of terrorists who dress like ghosts and love to inflict Jesus the burning torture (as if the crucifixion is not enough).
Worship: Hitler and Satan.

Nestorianists
Definition: An useless cult made by the Greek Bishop Nestor just to say that Jesus has both a Godly and Human nature.

Sacred Name's Prophets (don't know if this is their true name)
Definition: Basically just a bunch of Jehovah Witness who think they must use the name "Yeshua" to worship "Jesus" because they think his name means "Earth Pig".

Also, remove Catholicism from the list. It is a true religion.

[Basilissa]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Arianiasts
Definition: Heretical who deny the Holy Trinity and worship Arius.

Nestorianists
Definition: An useless cult made by the Greek Bishop Nestor just to say that Jesus has both a Godly and Human nature.

Hey, buddy, you're some 1600 years too late for these two.

Would you like to talk more about the issues of monophysitism and dyophysitism? Because from what I understand, technically Catholic church is closer to Nestorians than to Monophysits in this regard.

Dont' you just love the history of the early schisms in the Christian church?

Also, remove Catholicism from the list. It is a true religion.

Thank you for making me laugh today!

[Didymus Much]

Re: False Religions And Cults

...Also, remove Catholicism from the list. It is a true religion.

I expect that will happen just as soon as the Catholic church meets the True Christian™ demands of ditching that useless, stinking pile of self-justifying heresy known as the Catechism, and using the Bible as guidance for all decisions (you know, like Jesus wants you to), i.e. never.


p.s. Good guests do not make demands of their hosts. You don't like it here? Leave.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Sacred Name's Prophets (don't know if this is their true name)
Definition: Basically just a bunch of Jehovah Witness who think they must use the name "Yeshua" to worship "Jesus" because they think his name means "Earth Pig".

Are you talking about the Sacred Name Movement? I think these people are some sort of offshoot of the Seventh Day Adventists, but even more like joos. The only good thing you can say about them is that they rejected the insane ravings of the perfectly ghastly Ellen G White.

I have said it before, but that woman reminds me of someone I know. I just can't work out who it is.



YiC
JL-V

<on edit: excellent joke about the Catholics, Mr Rognone!>

[Elmer G. White]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Are you talking about the Sacred Name Movement? I think these people are some sort of offshoot of the Seventh Day Adventists, but even more like joos. The only good thing you can say about them is that they rejected the insane ravings of the perfectly ghastly Ellen G White.

I have said it before, but that woman reminds me of someone I know. I just can't work out who it is.



YiC
JL-V

<on edit: excellent joke about the Catholics, Mr Rognone!>

As far as I know and based on my credentials in Creation Science I do know that the woman-being in your picture did unfruitful works of darkness and that is all that ever needs to be mentioned about her. Why? Because God tells us that that is the proper thing to do.

Ephesians 5:11-12
And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove [them]. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.

I am sure that this woman received and receives her reprove in the Bottomless Pit even as I write this.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Maltheists/Misotheists
Definition: Like the atheists they hate God. Tough i'm not sure if they are the same thing.

Caodaists
Definition: Basically the same as Bahai, just it is chinese

Confucianists (Confusionism)
Definition: Just a bunch of atheists who pretend to be theists.

Shenists
Definiton: A rip-off of Shinto.

Charismatic Movement
Reason: They are not enough charismatics.

Babists
Definition: Just some schismatics muslims.

Jesuists (not to confuse with the Jesuits
Definition: A bad rip-off of the True Religion founded by Jesus.

Marcionists
Definition: They believe that the devil is a God as well, making Christianity a dualistic religion, wich is fake.

Ebionites
Definition: Some jews that made the right choice to believe in Jesus, but the wrong choice to deny his divinity.

Black Church
Worship: The Black (fake) Jesus Christ

Black Hebrews
Definition: Same, but they also think every important character in history was black.

Din-i llahi
Definition: The same as Sickism, but with zorroastrian and Christian ideologies as well.

Bhakti movement
Definition: Hinduism with another name.

Meivazhi
Definition: The most communist religion, since it allowes all non Meivazhi scriptures and every race of the world.

Yazdanists
Worship: Demons disguised as angels.

Korean sciamanists
Definition: They think they can exorcize people by dancing.

Illuminati
Worship: Lucifer

Also, Australian Abrollers are not the Dreamtime?

Chinese Univerism was not the Xiantiandao?

Weren't Rosacruces Freemasons?

Shouldn't Metropolitans worship the Metroes?

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Why don't Eye-talians like Jehovahs Witnesses?



































Wait for it...


































Eye-talians don't like ANY witnesses.

Yours in Christ,
Leroy Llewelyn

[Mr. Rapt]

Re: False Religions And Cults

i don't believe in any false religion because as of right now, i am euphoric due to my own intelligence.


*tips le fedora*

[Elmer G. White]

Re: False Religions And Cults

i don't believe in any false religion because as of right now, i am euphoric due to my own intelligence.

*tips le fedora*

How wonderful, Mr. Rapt! All this may well make your life here on Earth most comfortable but it also means some hazards regarding your séjour in Eternity!

Matthew 23:12
And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.

I do understand that intelligence can be decoupled from basic writing skills, but not everyone is as accommodating. Thus, I humbly suggest that you make use of capital letters (for instance, when using the perpendicular pronoun) to show your intelligence also to those who care about such matters.

It would also be nice if you considered your position regarding Jesus and told us about that in an appropriate manner. Apparently you do revere Him, as you've chosen to wear the Gift from God, the Θεόδωρος (unless you're referring to the rousing theatrical play by Victorien Sardou or the not-too-bad opera by Umberto Giordano).

Ladies, please note that the video below contains some graphic images.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Alvin Moss]

Re: False Religions And Cults

i am euphoric due to my own intelligence.

Your assertion is in serious doubt. In fact, there is no evidence that there is any truth to it at all. You sound more like a hooting, drooling, raving maniac.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Confucianists (Confusionism)
Definition: Just a bunch of atheists who pretend to be theists.

..so what is the confucianist word for "God" in that case?

And before you get started on the "tao" remember that we have Pastors who are hypervigilant where heresy is concerned and who provide us with full information regarding the vices on offer out there, how they are disguised and where so often they are concealed:

I PETER 5:2 Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind;

The "tao" is the same as the "ntu" of African traditional religion. A seething, gyrating libido coated in ochre (or modern synthetic pigments) and there are no redeeming features at all. However dressed up, this stuff is poison. EXAMPLE

None of these wretches are pretending to be theists.

[Cheesusthestank]

Re: False Religions And Cults

ShermanismThey believe in a deity called Bill Sherman
referred to as a "he" it is a giant flying cyan sheep.
The sheep created the seven men of power
Knowledge Language writing science math art and history
They believe ducks are souls cursed for committing horrible sins
They have a holy drink, it is whiskey.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: False Religions And Cults

ShermanismThey believe in a deity called Bill Sherman
referred to as a "he" it is a giant flying cyan sheep.
The sheep created the seven men of power
Knowledge Language writing science math art and history
They believe ducks are souls cursed for committing horrible sins
They have a holy drink, it is whiskey.

This thread is not for posting EMO poetry. Perhaps you're getting confused with the Knoydart Jacobites who had a distinct papist aroma?