[see_the_light]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

I've always used a nine-iron, as the slanted head digs into the flesh in a way that is very satisfying and causes immense pain. How ever, I've recently been trying the five-iron, which is more flat faced, and it produces a resounding smack which is truly a joyful noise. Which of these clubs do you reccommend, or maybe I should use a different one all together, like the seven-iron? I'm just not sure.

Gary

First let me congratulate you on a perfect theological choice!

CLUBS are between those means presented by GOD.

2MAC 4:41 and 42

"They then seeing the attempt of Lysimachus, some of them caught stones, some CLUBS, others taking handfuls of dust, that was next at hand, cast them all together upon Lysimachus, and those that set upon them.
Thus many of them they wounded, and some they struck to the ground, and all of them they forced to flee: but as for the churchrobber himself, him they killed beside the treasury."

Try an IRON 3, GOD knows how useless it is for hitting a ball. (I've heard a joke, surely by a heathen, that the safest place during a thunder storm is under a 3 Iron, even GOD can't hit it...) so if you break or bend it when correcting your children you loose ver little.

But it strikes strong and should be manageable for bigger children over 18 months old (I keep your option between 6 an 18, but for 6 months and bellow I'd use the putter for perfect accuracy, punish the hand that has sinned is not the same as punishing the head)

May the LORD lead us to his HEAVENLY 18 Holes course!

[Brother V]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

First let me congratulate you on a perfect theological choice!
...
May the LORD lead us to his HEAVENLY 18 Holes course!

I would think he should probably use the best club in his bag... the foot wedge.

ha ha... ok, seriously. As Glendora said, use a graphite shaft, steel shafts have a tendency to break if you miss-hit them. The graphite won't do that. You'll probably want something with a loose flex (the person who recommended the lady's clubs was onto something) A stiffer shaft will not give you the whipping effect you'll need. Higher lofted clubs will definately result in removal of flesh (the divot), which is why you'd probably want to use something more like a 3 iron, it's flatter and with the loose flex, you'll also get a more appreciative THUD.

(The inverse is true for weeding your garden with a golf club. While the 3 iron is good for removing large growth, you'll probably want to use a sand wedge and take a divot, this will help remove the roots too.)

If you feel you can't hit well with a 3 iron, try a 5. Remember to keep your head down when swinging and rotate your hips and hands through the impact zone. You should really start your downswing with the hip turn, producing more torque. Ensure your belt buckle is pointing at the target at follow through, and carry your hands high.

For even more fun, you could simulate a round of golf on your favorite course (skipping putting) This should also help your golf game. Play the child like you'd play the course. Driver, 7 iron possibly for what would be a 375 yard hole. You must visualize a good ball flight. Remember it's not practice that makes perfect... it's Perfect Practice makes Perfect.

and Go Jesus.

YIC
V

[see_the_light]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

If you feel you can't hit well with a 3 iron, try a 5. Remember to keep your head down when swinging and rotate your hips and hands through the impact zone. You should really start your downswing with the hip turn, producing more torque. Ensure your belt buckle is pointing at the target at follow through, and carry your hands high.

And when hiting alway look at CHRIST, not at the ball....

Bless you Brother, and PRAISE THE LORD!

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

Thanks.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

Yea, sounds like I would have to take a very boring day out and learn my Bible. I think he'd actually be happy with me for once, studying the Bible and all since he could never get me to learn it.

Perhaps you should know it better than he.

I'd bet there are many points you could discuss with him about sin, the nature of God, Jesus, etc. For example, when he says that going to a school dance where there are girls is a sin, you can ask him for the reference and, while he's looking, maybe run across the verses forbidding the blending of fabrics in clothing. Surely there's no elastic in your Godly father's sinless undergarment and no spandex in his pure cotton socks, correct? I've no doubt you could have a lively discussion on that point!

Just remember in these discussions to always honor your father (as commanded in the ten commandments), that your days upon this earth may be long. Or at least so he won't give you a backhand upside the head for being a smartaleck.

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

I'll have to give that a go, purely for the fact I can kick his ass in an argument... I mean discussion. Might get a few verses locked in my mind and just use them over and over again, can't go wrong with that, I don't have to believe it after all as long as he does.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

JESUS loves Golfing!

I'm sure he'd approve of using the clubs for punishing rotten, hellbound children.

GLORY!

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

You do know that's not Jesus right?

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

Thanks.

I assume you're addressing me. I'm glad I was able to simplify my words so your feeble mind could grasp their meaning, but you might want to think about getting a real vocabulary one of these days. It's Godly.

Isaiah 50:4
The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned.

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

I have a fine vocabulary, I just choose not to learn words that I'm never going to use.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

You do know that's not Jesus right?

It is no supposed to be friend. That would be making a graven image of the Lord and voilation of His law.

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

So God doesn't like golf then... I can understand your frustration, your women are slightly dence. No offence to any intelligent women who might be lurky, I know there are some out there (Rachael for example).

[Brother V]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

I have a fine vocabulary, I just choose not to learn words that I'm never going to use.

How will you know you are never going to use them if you don't learn them?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

So God doesn't like golf then... I can understand your frustration, your women are slightly dence. No offence to any intelligent women who might be lurky, I know there are some out there (Rachael for example).

The baby eating goat worshiping harlot Van Hellsinger is not a Christian friend.

[Dameon_ACLUtard]

Re: Which golf club should I beat my children with?

Why would I want to fill my m,ind with words when there are so many better things I can put in there? Things like beautiful women's phone numbers, names, adresses urm... web adresses for sites with beautiful women. I have a lot of other things to fill my memory with.