[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

I'm sure you generosity has not escaped the notice of our pastors. Why, I'll bet even the Department of Faith is taking note!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Oh by the way, there should be a separate package with a few loafs of my bread, some blueberry jelly, an apple and peach pie, three bottles of wine, two hams, a bottle of brandy....

Elizabeth dear, you are such a generous young woman. But given the original circumstances of dear Cookie's misfortune, and Brother Faith_Machine's current medication regime, do you think the highlighted items were a wise choice?

Faith_Machine, I have sent you some Chick-fil-A gift cards. Enjoy!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Oh Joanna, my eyes are misting up with tears.

Cookie regained consciousness a while ago and started screaming, but I gave her another injection and made her drink more brandy and she calmed right down.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Elizabeth dear, you are such a generous young woman. But given the original circumstances of dear Cookie's misfortune, and Brother Faith_Machine's current medication regime, do you think the highlighted items were a wise choice?

Faith_Machine, I have sent you some Chick-fil-A gift cards. Enjoy!

Good point Sister Joanna. My husband encouraged me to put them in saying that they could be used as a reward for Sister Cookie -- you know, us feeble women sometimes need to see the direct reward, and given dear sweet Cookie's state, I was thinking she might need a little more help than normal. Mr. Johnson also said that if Brother Faith needed more help, they could sell it for some very high prices (about $450 a bottle) if they need any immediate financial support.

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

I know just how much Cookie and FM are enjoying the charity and graciousness of the faithful at this time. It's so nice that they depend on each other like that. Should I use the word codependent? I mean that in the most Christian way.

Prayers are still being said every night in my luxuriously appointed prayer closet containing wood from the actual crucifixion (guaranteed authentic by a real Joo and Roman soldier).

My darling Elizabeth, I won't explain my meaning here - perhaps on the telephone sometime - but remember Matthew 7:6. Enough said?

Lovingly,
NRL

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Sister Naomi,

Thank you for your tip about Matthew 7:6. My husband looks up to the goodness he sees in Brother Faith Machine, so he wanted me to be extra generous to Brother Faith Machine. Also my dear Sister, my husband does not want me on the telephone without his express permission and his presence. Maybe a private message? He is ok with those.

Lovingly yours in Christ,
Mrs. Johnson

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Sister Naomi,

Thank you for your tip about Matthew 7:6. My husband looks up to the goodness he sees in Brother Faith Machine, so he wanted me to be extra generous to Brother Faith Machine. Also my dear Sister, my husband does not want me on the telephone without his express permission and his presence. Maybe a private message? He is ok with those.

Lovingly yours in Christ,
Mrs. Johnson

Well, bless his heart.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Well, bless his heart.

He is a good man, and I pray you will find one soon too. Don't despair deary. I knew a hell-bound woman who was a former harlot, and she got married and bore a son at 43. So, if the Lord wills it, so will you, and before that ex-slut. Besides, good things come to those who wait and seek His will. "The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him." Lamentations 3:25

[Dolores de Barriga]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Oh Joanna, my eyes are misting up with tears.

Cookie regained consciousness a while ago and started screaming, but I gave her another injection and made her drink more brandy and she calmed right down.

Dear Mr. Faith Machine, I'll be heading to Iowa City very soon, would you like me to stop by in Cherokee and pick you and Mistress Cookie up? And if you have already arranged some other means of transportation, I'll drop by anyway and bring some traditional American food (T-bone steak&potato) for you two.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Remember we are still under quarantine for possible Ebola, so you must STAY AWAY!

[Basilissa]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Remember we are still under quarantine for possible Ebola, so you must STAY AWAY!

Do not be afraid, Brother: True Christians™ are immune to ebola. You and Cookie are safe!

[Dolores de Barriga]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Remember we are still under quarantine for possible Ebola, so you must STAY AWAY!

Well, I'll be coming to Iowa in a week or so, I'm sure the quarantine period will be over by then. I'll bring some doughnuts, too, and a big box of liqueur-filled chocolates for Mistress Cookie.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Listen, she came out of her stupor briefly and send some, uh, disturbing text messages to a few numbers I didn't recognize.

I don't know if you might have been among the recipients, but please bear in mind the fact that sometimes a woman's mind can play tricks on her.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Listen, she came out of her stupor briefly and send some, uh, disturbing text messages to a few numbers I didn't recognize.

I don't know if you might have been among the recipients, but please bear in mind the fact that sometimes a woman's mind can play tricks on her.

I received a message, I think it was from her. My number is [removed by mods for privacy reason]. Does that sound like one of the numbers? I am unable to divulge on here what it said.
Anyway, if she is to be believed, if I were Dolores, I would be getting there ASAP to preserve Mistress Cookie's moral virtue. And Dolores, please rescue Mistress Cookie, but I have serious reservations as to whether you should give Mr Machine a lift anywhere (if you understand what I mean).

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Can someone please come bail me out?

Bite your tongue, Jim Farmer, BITE YOUR DAMNED TONGUE!

Miss Cookie has already been rescued, and she just needs some time before she recovers the full use of her mental faculties, such as they are.

Meanwhile, I suggest you think good and hard about Proverbs 19:5 and Exodus 20:16, lest the Lord smite you something powerful!