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  • Elmer G. White
    Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
    Victim of atheist scientific persecution
     
    • Apr 2014
    • 10288
    #1

    Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

    Dearest Sister in Christ! Jesus has Blessed you abundantly by giving you the wits almost equal to a slightly less-than-average man! It is such a shame that for men being undefiled by women is the greatest prestige imaginable (and Jesus can imagine anything) and they are first the fruits...

    Revelation 14:4
    These are they which were     not defiled with women; for they are virgins. These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. These were redeemed from among men, being the firstfruits unto God and to the Lamb.

    ...while for your lesser sex it is compulsory to beget (1 Timothy 2:15) in order to gain a ticket to Heaven! My Birthday present to you is Prayer: I'll be praying that you find a good husband before it is too late (soon it will be, Revelation 22:20) and start the fecund part of your Life!




    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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    • Brother Gonzalez
      Another brick in Donald´s wall - A.K.A "The Gonz"
      True Christian™
       
      • Sep 2016
      • 2087
      #2
      Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

      Amen!

      I think you will understand the following blabberish:


      Feliz cumpleaños Hermana Basilissa! Espero que pases el día como corresponde, siguiendo los consejos de tu padre, quién ya debería conseguirte un marido. Es un poco tarde y debe ser difícil para él, pero no pierdas las esperanzas.


      Happy Birthday!
      1 Thessalonians 4:16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the TRUMP of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first.

        Comment

        • Dr Laurence Niles
          Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
           
          • Jan 2012
          • 9063
          #3
          Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

          Many happy returns, Sister B!

          Although I must say that I'm a little concerned that you are still with us. My understanding is that you are still in good standing with a significant Diamond tithe outlay package (the one that's double tax deductible ) and for the life of me I can't understand why Jesus has not taken you to His masculinely chisellingly contoured bosom?

          My genuine hope is that Jesus will soon be taking you to His side: so maybe help Him out a bit by standing under the loading bay of the 'Pious Piano' down on Main Street or lending and ungloved hand at the 'Amen Abattoir' on 6th?

          My suggestion would be the newly renovated 'Absolute Ahimsa Anti-Vaxx' meeting hall (I'm sure they need new people after the latest unexplained polio outbreak).

          Surely any one of those will make this you last birthday on this pathetic excuse for a world and you'll soon be singing Jesus' praise into His laughing face for all eternity for every and every without end forever.

          You lucky thing!

          YIC
          1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

          Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

          Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

            Comment

            • handmaiden
              Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
              True Christian™
              • May 2010
              • 11603
              #4
              Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

              Ah! To be young and still servicable to the Lord! You need to get crackin' some of those eggs, Sister dear.





              Ahh, about the cat. . . I think the message here is, don't eat too much cake and get fat--men don't like that--and don't be too choosy. There are at least two single True Christian fellows that you could wed at Landover Baptist.


              Don't waste your youth waiting for someone who may never be available in your fertile years. I hear Mrs. Bathfire comes from a family where the women live past 100.


              Also, someone mentioned that you like cats. Oh, yeah. Happy Birthday.
              His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.

              Guns For God and the Economy

                Comment

                • Dr Laurence Niles
                  Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
                   
                  • Jan 2012
                  • 9063
                  #5
                  Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                  Originally posted by handmaiden View Post
                  There are at least two single True Christian fellows that you could wed at Landover Baptist.
                  My ears are burning


                  YIC
                  1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                  Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                  Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                    Comment

                    • Mary Etheldreda
                      Gushing for Jesus
                       
                      • Sep 2011
                      • 23775
                      #6
                      Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                      Happy Birthday, dear Sister in Christ!
                      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                        Comment

                        • Thomas Taylor
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Oct 2012
                          • 1486
                          #7
                          Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                          Happy belated birthday Sister.
                          Isaiah 66:15

                          For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                            Comment

                            • Ezekiel Bathfire
                              Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                              Christ's Rottweiler
                               
                              • Jan 2008
                              • 22916
                              #8
                              Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                              I offer you the advice given to Ruth:

                              Ru:3:3: Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.


                              Happy Birthday.
                              sigpic


                              “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                              Author of such illuminating essays as,
                              Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                                Comment

                                • James Hutchins
                                  True Christian™
                                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                                   
                                  • Jun 2009
                                  • 29457
                                  #9
                                  Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                                  Happy Birthday, dear Sister Basilissia! I'd of gotten you a present but due to the #metoo movement, I did not want you to be uncomfortable. So instead, I bought a new watch for myself, a Philipe Patek. I'll think of you when ever I look at it.
                                  Take care of your Husband and sons. Remember, God cares about you even if you are just a woman provided you show Him an abundance of your Gushing Love(c).
                                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                    Comment

                                    • Esther B.
                                      Forum Member
                                      Forum Member
                                      • Sep 2012
                                      • 575
                                      #10
                                      Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                                      Happy Belated Birthday, Sister! I sent you a pattern for a lovely and modest summer dress. I hope it doesn't take too long to arrive.
                                      And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
                                      Deuteronomy 6.5

                                        Comment

                                        • Basilissa
                                          South of the Border outreach program
                                          True Christian™
                                           
                                          • Mar 2013
                                          • 12997
                                          #11
                                          Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                                          Thank you all for your lovely wishes! I spent my birthday praising Jesus for giving me the gift of His Grace while most of my family is destined to roast in :

                                          2 Thessalonians 2:11-12
                                          11 And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
                                          12 That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.


                                          Praise !
                                          God created fossils to test our faith.

                                          * * *

                                          My favorite LBC sermons:
                                          True Christians are Perfect!
                                          True Christian™ Love.
                                          Salvation™ made Easy!
                                          You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                                          Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                                          Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                                           Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                                          Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                                          The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                                          Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                                          God HATES Rational Thinking!
                                          True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                                            Comment

                                            • BrotherLarry
                                              Revelationary Equine Gnathologist for Christ
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Sep 2014
                                              • 2266
                                              #12
                                              Re: Blessed Birthday, Sister Basilissa!

                                              I wanted to be fashionably late in a manly way to wish you a grand celebration related to your nativity.


                                              I hope Sister Handmaiden isn't trying to wed you off to me or Lawrence Niles. Both of us Larry's are indeed true catches - real men's men, if I may. Alas, I am too busy with my studies and my homer ministry to take on the job of being head of household, and the other Larry is so busy with his nephew. I'm sure you understand.


                                              I hope the year ahead is filled with many opportunities for you to sit in silence while men teach you the things you need to know in preparation for eternity in Heaven with Christ. I'll be at His right hand and will wave at you if you make it. Not seeing any childbirth here, child.


                                              In He Whose Name is Holy, Pure, and Powerful,
                                              Brother Larry
                                              Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
                                              “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

                                              Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
                                              Amen and Amen

                                                Comment

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