[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2009

It's my job to protect America and uphold justice. It's a tremendous responsibility that I take very seriously.

While I love America I'm not going to say that there aren't things wrong with it, things brought on by liberalism. For instance, I wish that our justice system was more like God's justice system.

Today I pulled over a car for excessive speed. The colored girl behind the wheel was quite anxious and upset, and when I checked her license, it was suspended.

Further checks revealed that she was the daughter of a local menace to Freehold, an unwed mother and notorious welfare queen who we at the FPD have gotten to know all too well.

I placed her under arrest and of course she started crying and throwing a fit and I had to threaten her with pepper spray.

When I finally had her corralled in the back of the cruiser and was on my way to the city lockup, I was thinking about what I had read the previous night in Deuteronomy 23, about God's instructions to not allow bastard children into the congregation of the Lord until their tenth generation.

I realized that, if America hadn't spit in the face of God, we could be modeled our justice system on God's and all of this trouble would have simply been avoided. As soon as this little negro girl was born, she could have been put on a watch list and disallowed from going to school, getting a driver's license, having a car, having a job, and owning or renting property.

If only America would punish children for what their ancestors did like God does, we could truly have prosperity.

Even as God doomed all of mankind to sorrow and pain for a transgression committed by Adam and Eve, so could America doom the entire family line of this unwed black harlot, her daughter, and all of the children that will be born into their cursed clan.

Instead, we are only allowed to arrest the perpetrator, while relatives and offspring go unpunished! And even then, they are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law! Why can't they go to God's court, where you're guilty until proven innocent by Jesus' blood?

Please pray that God will appoint a President like George W. Bush in 2012 who can actively work to get the Bible on the books.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thanks again, Officer Don, for your hard work cracking down on crime in Freehold. Believe me, right after the accident, I had a crazy idea that it might've been my fault. The kid in the Neon told me he saw me coming from behind and smash into him. I countered that if he saw me, he had the obligation to quickly change into the lane next to us.

Once Officer Don arrived on scene, I knew the situation would be well taken care of. Although I don't deserve the praise for helping nab this drunken driver; it really was an accident. Even though my Mercedes' fender and hood is wrecked to shreds, not to mention damage to the radiator and air conditioning, my insurance company will cover it. Fortunately my rates will not go up as I have the police report to show the accident was not my fault at all.

The one funny thing to come out of this is my text to Pastor Zeke. I was midway through my text when I suddenly impacted the rear of his car and my thumb slipped and pressed Send. The text was: "Hey Zeke. I got an idea 4 the sermon next week. Rom 13 tells us tha". I imagine Pastor Zeke was a bit confused by this text!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Sorry, but we have a strict (Biblical) policy here: Unsaved NOT Welcome.

Well, I hope that your gated communities got 10,000 volts flowing through the razor wire. If those unsaved Catholics (especially Hispanos) try to sneak in, they're gonna wind up looking like a burrito left in the deep fryer overnight.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Policing Freehold

Freehold sounds like a pretty nice town to live in. I'll have to take a look at moving there. I need to find me a wife and I would hope I can find a saved woman to cook and clean house for me while she isn't busy pushing out more of my soldiers for Christ.

I'm assuming you have some criteria that has to be met to prove that you are saved before you're allowed to live here?

Sorry, but we have a strict (Biblical) policy here: Unsaved NOT Welcome.

[Repentant Catholic]

Re: Policing Freehold

Freehold sounds like a pretty nice town to live in. I'll have to take a look at moving there. I need to find me a wife and I would hope I can find a saved woman to cook and clean house for me while she isn't busy pushing out more of my soldiers for Christ.

I'm assuming you have some criteria that has to be met to prove that you are saved before you're allowed to live here?

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

Lola, if you haven't already, you can call the immigration office and let them know you managed to catch some illegals. You might just get your picture in the paper!

Can do, consider it done,first thing in the morning its a little chilly out now and I don't want to catch a cold. Them dogs will be fine before I left I made a nice straw bed for them.I wonder if them wet back homers are going to pee in the tree ? Oh well its not my problem now is it !

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Lola, if you haven't already, you can call the immigration office and let them know you managed to catch some illegals. You might just get your picture in the paper!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2009

On Friday afternoon I responded to a minor traffic accident at 14th and Hester. I immediately recognized the Mercedes as Rev. Osborne's, but I had no idea whose Dodge Neon he had rear-ended at the stoplight.

I approached the Neon first. Some punk kid was driving it, and I knew right off the bat he was guilty of something, I just didn't know what yet.

He alleged that he was "just sitting there waiting for the light to change, and the 'old man' just ran into him." Somehow, his story just didn't add up. I decided based on instinct to conduct a field sobriety test. I retrieved the breathalyzer (never leave home without one) and had him blow. As it turned out, he blew a .02, and his explanation was that he was going to a party later that evening and was just working up a little buzz.

The legal limit is .08, but it's safe to say that I saved some lives by placing him under arrest before he went on to that party later in the evening and got plowed.

I interviewed Rev. Jim, who was simply listening to Landover radio and texting Pastor Ezekiel a new sermon idea on his mobile phone while driving. The Lord's work is never done and there was no way I could see any fault in his Christian actions whatsoever. If anything, Rev. Jim should be deputized for helping us catch a dangerous drunk driver before he was even drunk!

I assured the good Reverend that everything would be taken care of, and his car will be fixed. I love America.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ofc. Don,
I took your advice and took the dogs over to the lake.I caught two messican homers engaged in sex,the dogs got them ran up a tree what the heck do you want me to do with them? I will leave the dogs under the tree for the night that should hold them up the tree till morning comes.Them dogs will stay there as logs as I feed them a couple of time a day.I am at home give me a call. Lola

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thanks, I am sure Emil will take advantage of an opportunity as good as that.As my Grand Pa all ways said a family that shoots together stays together

[Bob4God]

Re: Policing Freehold

My word Lola, you sound very independent for a Christian woman and all.

I for one know that I would not feel comfortable with a woman using a gun nearby, especially something like a 44 or a shotgun.

Emil, being the man of the house, really should know how to use a gun, and should take better charge of you.

As you know, I am the proprietor of FREEHOLD FIREARMS on the corner of Exodus and 7th, and I wouldn't normally do this, but just for Emil's sake, I am willing to offer him FREE shooting lessons with NO hidden charges, only a $59.99 fee for ammo. Just to show you and Emil how good we are to our customers at FREEHOLD FIREARMS, I'll throw in a complimentary safety course! (It only takes about two minutes.)

Where else in Iowa can you get FREE shooting lessons from a professional?! (There will be a $99.99 charge for insurance just in case something goes wrong and one of the weapons gets damaged.)

I'm sure you and Emil won't regret it! I accept cash, credit cards, money orders and local checks. See you soon!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Any Word on who 'did' that 77-year-old woman yet?

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

We don't officially have a bounty system. The last time there was a bounty on someone's head was six years ago.

If your coon dogs need run, take them up to Landover Lake and go Wicca hunting. You won't get any cash for hauling them in, but you'll win the respect of our community. I suggest your husband go with you at all times. We do not encourage women to handle firearms without male supervision, and even then, nothing more than a .22 pistol.

Thanks for the heads up on the bounty !
I will take my dogs to go Wicca hunting,sounds like fun.They have demons in them for sure!
I hale from Kentucky we don't believe in pea shooters like .22 pistols.
I am a farm girl.I have my very own .44mag ,double barrel 12 gauge and a .30 winchester for long range.My Grand Pa always said I must be kin to Dannel Boon cause I have an eagle eye when it comes to shooting..Emil ain't never fired a gun to the best of my knowledge but I can sure teach him.

I have seen raccoon tracks about in the woods ,and my dogs just love to run-em up a tree if its OK I take a few of them out for you. They make a fine stew.

Do I need a licence to hunt wicca,raccoon or any other varmints ? I have seen a lot of deer around the corn fields,and I sure would not mind bagging a few for the freezer.
I will be more than happy to share the bounty with you and the Pastors.


I sure miss back home,me and the dogs would go out every day in the woods.

Say if you ever need some fine tracking dogs for catching run away inmates ,just call me and the dogs are yours to use.They are real good with Negroids,messicans and injuns.Sheriff Joe used to borrow them all the time back home.Them dogs can smell out a negroid like nobody's business.I am home all the time just holler and we will come a running.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ofc Don is there any bounty on criminals in Freehold,Just wondering....
Like Homers,Heathens and what not ? will any demons qualify? I have some spare time and I have 3 very good coon dogs that need to be ran .I have my own weapons and I am a dead shot at 300 yards? Let me know if volunteers are needed

We don't officially have a bounty system. The last time there was a bounty on someone's head was six years ago.

If your coon dogs need run, take them up to Landover Lake and go Wicca hunting. You won't get any cash for hauling them in, but you'll win the respect of our community. I suggest your husband go with you at all times. We do not encourage women to handle firearms without male supervision, and even then, nothing more than a .22 pistol.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ofc Don is there any bounty on criminals in Freehold,Just wondering....
Like Homers,Heathens and what not ? will any demons qualify? I have some spare time and I have 3 very good coon dogs that need to be ran .I have my own weapons and I am a dead shot at 300 yards? Let me know if volunteers are needed