[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I have already hired a group of Poles to bring me all the obsidian they can find on this depraved little island...we could also make souvenirs engraved with some inspirational Bible quotes.

These are beautiful! I wonder if we could assign carving them to the patients in Quarantine. It could be good therapy, and really help them concentrate on the Scriptures.

[Brother Alex]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

These are beautiful! I wonder if we could assign carving them to the patients in Quarantine. It could be good therapy, and really help them concentrate on the Scriptures.

What a wonderful idea, Sister. I bet that would bring a lot of joy to the patients and help them truly understand the ways of the Lord.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I got your message, Brother. I have already hired a group of Poles to bring me all the obsidian they can find on this depraved little island. We could make a fortune from this. Not only are these stones perfectly fit for stoning, but we could also make souvenirs engraved with some inspirational Bible quotes...



I also got a pile of lava stones in my backyard. They're great for stoning due to their rough surface. I use them myself when me and my children gather together to stone my wife. She barely speaks anymore and keeps all her focus on cooking and cleaning, just like a True Christian™ woman should do.



I'll bring some samples when I get to Freehold, then we could make some arrangements for shipping the rest of the stones overseas. Tell me what you think.

- Alex

I have dispatched a freighter to Iceland have 400 tons of obsidian and 200 ton of lava rocks ready for loading. Will arrive 06/24/2010 Iceland, back to New York 07/1/2010, Freehold 07/05/2010. Also have 3500 stones polished and engraved, Will ship them Via Air Transport. many thanks James.

How absolutely wonderful I guess I really should be talking with Brother James about his Iceland Idea.And the dated business plan I had written and notarized and copy sent to my silent business partner in Freehold,who is to be named later if the absolute need arises.

Relax Brother, You said you could not cover the initial expense, I can. I told you I will catch you on the back side, here is the lay out. After all expenses are paid out 50% of clear profit to Pastor Ezekiel/LBC. 10% to Brother Hutchins(Trucking) 10% to Brother Fred( Shipping) 10% to you and 20% to me, after all I am paying the bills and taking all the heat from the Government on inspections. If you want more of a cut, I guess I can take it from Jesus

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I've heard the best stones come from the Holy Land.

I suppose the joos have them all locked up by now, huh?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brothers and Sister I am pleased to unveil the most recent advance in stoning capabilities. We have gone through many hours of research and development(A big shout out to the fellas at the creation lab and the R&D team at Landover University) The design of this modern stone chucking device was created with the elderly, surgically impaired and weak females in mind. Initial tests showed that with hair spray as the propellant a speed of 450ft per second could be achieved with the common tennis ball. We ramped it up with the use of acetylene as a propellant. We found that we could achieve a speed a of 650ft per second with a rock weighing 1.755 lbs.
Brothers and Sisters I present you the Landover Stonier model 2010. I have ordered 150 to start with. Call or Pm me for cost and shipping info. James Dewitt

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I've heard the best stones come from the Holy Land.

I suppose the joos have them all locked up by now, huh?

I was saving this for a surprise, I have arranged for a shipment of rocks form the Holy land. Hold on to your seats. They will come from a mountain, yes a very special mountain. Mt Sinai, yes indeed 25 tons are being air shipped as we speak. The rocks form the Holy Mountain will be auctioned off in lots of 10 lbs. All proceeds will go to the Pastors fund. Praises Jesus, Can I get a Amen .

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I was saving this for a surprise, I have arranged for a shipment of rocks form the Holy land. Hold on to your seats. They will come from a mountain, yes a very special mountain. Mt Sinai, yes indeed 25 tons are being air shipped as we speak. The rocks form the Holy Mountain will be auctioned off in lots of 10 lbs. All proceeds will go to the Pastors fund. Praises Jesus, Can I get a Amen .

You can get an Amen as well as a Praise the Lord!

Jingies!! This is very exciting news Brother. I would be beside myself, -if of course Jesus was not there always!

I would ask how you managed this, but God does work in mysterious ways, so I am content with that as explanation.

Gosh, how exciting!!

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I was saving this for a surprise, I have arranged for a shipment of rocks form the Holy land. Hold on to your seats. They will come from a mountain, yes a very special mountain. Mt Sinai, yes indeed 25 tons are being air shipped as we speak. The rocks form the Holy Mountain will be auctioned off in lots of 10 lbs. All proceeds will go to the Pastors fund. Praises Jesus, Can I get a Amen .

AMEN, Brother, Amen. Thank you for all the great work you are doing.

I get a little emotional thinking about these ancient stones. They very well may be the same stone used to stone kill evil people during the time of Jesus. Praise.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brothers and Sister I am pleased to unveil the most recent advance in stoning capabilities. We have gone through many hours of research and development(A big shout out to the fellas at the creation lab and the R&D team at Landover University) The design of this modern stone chucking device was created with the elderly, surgically impaired and weak females in mind. Initial tests showed that with hair spray as the propellant a speed of 450ft per second could be achieved with the common tennis ball. We ramped it up with the use of acetylene as a propellant. We found that we could achieve a speed a of 650ft per second with a rock weighing 1.755 lbs.
Brothers and Sisters I present you the Landover Stonier model 2010. I have ordered 150 to start with. Call or Pm me for cost and shipping info. James Dewitt

It is a mighty piece of equipment there, Brother James, but gosh, I just hope that the homers (prior to being stoned) don't eye it off as a means for their debauched sexual gratification.

It will be out of site from them until necessary I hope.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

It is a mighty piece of equipment there, Brother James, but gosh, I just hope that the homers (prior to being stoned) don't eye it off as a means for their debauched sexual gratification.

It will be out of site from them until necessary I hope.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow.

Sister that might happen with the first Homerexural, I can assure you it wont with the second. I fired it at a brick wall from 50 feet, it broke 3 bricks and took the windshield out of a white Cadillac Escalade that was parked 200 feet behind the wall. I sure wish I knew who owned that Cadillac.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brother Dewitt. I do not need any funds whatsoever. I am able to bill Salem Nuclear, Hsaliburton and BP Exploration for the transport fees along with a handsome profit, 50% of which is going to the Landover Pastorsd General Use Fund, looks like the Pastors Retreat house will be getting that indoor Olympic sized Volcanic Ash Mud pool well before the fall after all.
Though some special arrangements with some gook people, I am going to have the place built entirely out of teak and pegs, not a single nail. Will be bringing a container or two of these craftsmen over. When they finish the 20 acre pool pavillion, they will be work9ing on my lieetle 20,000 sqft 'getaway shaque' as the missus calls it.

[Brother Alex]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Relax Brother, You said you could not cover the initial expense, I can. I told you I will catch you on the back side, here is the lay out. After all expenses are paid out 50% of clear profit to Pastor Ezekiel/LBC. 10% to Brother Hutchins(Trucking) 10% to Brother Fred( Shipping) 10% to you and 20% to me, after all I am paying the bills and taking all the heat from the Government on inspections. If you want more of a cut, I guess I can take it from Jesus

Well, that won't be until you've bought the stones from me for a reasonable price. 50% of the profit will go to Pastor Ezekiel/LBC and the rest goes to me. After that you can sell them for as much as you like, but just make sure Pastor Ezekiel/LBC gets 50% of that profit too. That way everybody can be happy, especially Jesus and the Landover Baptist Church. So, what do you say, Brother?

[Levi Jones]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I read a book on muzzie stoning techniques. (Don't ask)

I appears the worse the crime, the smaller the stones. The more you wish to prolong the screaming agony of your victim effigy buried up to the neck, the smaller the rocks you use. You generally let the kids go first for the worst offenders.

If it's something more minor, you use a large boulder directly applied to the head.

I wonder if we could rank the prolongation of the non-existent stoning with the crime.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Well, that won't be until you've bought the stones from me for a reasonable price. 50% of the profit will go to Pastor Ezekiel/LBC and the rest goes to me. After that you can sell them for as much as you like, but just make sure Pastor Ezekiel/LBC gets 50% of that profit too. That way everybody can be happy, especially Jesus and the Landover Baptist Church. So, what do you say, Brother?

Or I can pay you for your asking price, and then give you 10% of the profit after resale mark up(YOU get paid twice)

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Relax Brother, You said you could not cover the initial expense, I can. I told you I will catch you on the back side, here is the lay out. After all expenses are paid out 50% of clear profit to Pastor Ezekiel/LBC. 10% to Brother Hutchins(Trucking) 10% to Brother Fred( Shipping) 10% to you and 20% to me, after all I am paying the bills and taking all the heat from the Government on inspections. If you want more of a cut, I guess I can take it from Jesus

Wait, where is my share? I put up my land available for the festival.