[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Wait, where is my share? I put up my land available for the festival.

Brother Dirk, WE have 5000 special rocks coming in from Sierra Leone. They will be in the same shipment but require some further refinement in New York. WE got a bloody good deal on them.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I read a book on muzzie stoning techniques. (Don't ask)

I appears the worse the crime, the smaller the stones. The more you wish to prolong the screaming agony of your victim effigy buried up to the neck, the smaller the rocks you use. You generally let the kids go first for the worst offenders.

If it's something more minor, you use a large boulder directly applied to the head.

I wonder if we could rank the prolongation of the non-existent stoning with the crime.

This is quite excellent advice -- wherever it came from -- although I see one little problem. For a criminal as heinous as, oh, the usual DEMONcrat, we'd logically want to stone them with... fish gravel? Not too sure about that.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

So that everyone can participate, I wonder if we should make some arrangement where Tin Tithers and some of the elderly (who don't have real cash flow at the moment) can sign over their houses to the Church, in exchange for Mt Sinai / Holy Land stones.

We don't want them to be embarrassed by having to use plain old river rocks when the rest of the congregation has the "holy" stones.

I spoke to Widow Florence and Widow Sharon, and they're ready to sign up, if the Pastors can arrange it.

It's so wonderful to be able to reach out to these poor old souls!

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Update regarding the Freehold Summer Stoning Festival

There is no fee since it is paid for by our Lord. There will be a BBQ after the festival ends.
Pastor Zeke had plans to make the BBQ coincide with the Annual Endangere Species Dinner, more information on the BBQ will follow soon!

[Brother Alex]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Praise Jesus!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

the Annual Endangere Species Dinner

I love those, I wonder what we are going to eat this year!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Update regarding the Freehold Summer Stoning Festival

There is no fee since it is paid for by our Lord. There will be a BBQ after the festival ends.
Pastor Zeke had plans to make the BBQ coincide with the Annual Endangere Species Dinner, more information on the BBQ will follow soon!

I'm planning to deliver a welcome to everyone on behalf of the City of Freehold. I've inquired, but have not heard back, as to which Landover Pastor will provide the opening prayer.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I love those, I wonder what we are going to eat this year!

Can you say polar bear?

Anyhow as most of you know , WE cannot actually stone anyone, I did not make the rules, do not blame me. I have tested many different targets ranging from trees to trampolines( stay away from them I still have a bump on my head). I have found a solution to the problem. 3 days ago I turned on the TV to catch the 700 club, I missed the correct channel and tuned into a show called myth busters. They ( the two people on the show) had created a dummy from something called Ballistics Gel. The people on the show where shooting it with a rifle. It seems that this ballistics gel has the same characteristics as human flesh. I contacted the boys at Landover R&D and discussed the show with them. We have a solution, a dummy made up of ballistics gel with an internal bone structure( do not ask where we got the bones) and we have found a way to place placebo blood under the exterior of the dummy( under the false skin).
By Monday the dummy should be cured and ready for further testing. attached are some photos from the R& D team.

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I love those, I wonder what we are going to eat this year!

Here you can see what was planned. You even posted in the thread! You probably forgot, but you're old so we forgive you.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brother Dewitt, I understand secular law (damn feel good, everyone is special demoncrats) forbids deliberate stoning. For the sake of argument (certainly not debate) lets say all the True Christians(tm) were seated in the Landover Amphitheater. And all the whores, harlots, God Mockers, False Christians, Denmarkians and the rest of the unsavory trash were standing in the field. Lets say you were on the other side of the theater from me and you asked to see one of my stones and as a good True Christian(tm) I did my best to oblige. Now I am not as strong as I was in my youth, my fast ball is under 100 mph these days and fairly inaccurate. I think we should consult with Ofc. Don Richards and the Landover Baptist Church joo legal team. What is the liability of an accident happens and we had forced those in the field to sign waivers. Just trying to think outside the box here.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

What if we had a truckload of stones at the top of a cliff and just "accidentally" dumped it on some sinners?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Brother Dewitt, I understand secular law (damn feel good, everyone is special demoncrats) forbids deliberate stoning. For the sake of argument (certainly not debate) lets say all the True Christians™ were seated in the Landover Amphitheater. And all the whores, harlots, God Mockers, False Christians, Denmarkians and the rest of the unsavory trash were standing in the field. Lets say you were on the other side of the theater from me and you asked to see one of my stones and as a good True Christian™ I did my best to oblige. Now I am not as strong as I was in my youth, my fast ball is under 100 mph these days and fairly inaccurate. I think we should consult with Ofc. Don Richards and the Landover Baptist Church joo legal team. What is the liability of an accident happens and we had forced those in the field to sign waivers. Just trying to think outside the box here.

What if we had a truckload of stones at the top of a cliff and just "accidentally" dumped it on some sinners?

Gentlemen thank you both for raising these serious questions. I think that an amendment to the liability clause is needed for the up and coming event. It would behove us to add the language that LBC and its members are not liable for any errant stonings. God forbid that a truck load of stones where to fall one by one on a sinner or a off target toss where to strike a homersexural on the head repeatedly by accident , we sure would want to be covered by law. I will consult with my partner, Brother Dirk and our 7 joo lawyers on the matter. YIC James Dewitt

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Here you can see what was planned. You even posted in the thread! You probably forgot, but you're old so we forgive you.

Hm, it seems you are right. Thank you for reminding me.

[GodIsAlmighty]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Can you say polar bear?

Anyhow as most of you know , WE cannot actually stone anyone, I did not make the rules, do not blame me. I have tested many different targets ranging from trees to trampolines( stay away from them I still have a bump on my head). I have found a solution to the problem. 3 days ago I turned on the TV to catch the 700 club, I missed the correct channel and tuned into a show called myth busters. They ( the two people on the show) had created a dummy from something called Ballistics Gel. The people on the show where shooting it with a rifle. It seems that this ballistics gel has the same characteristics as human flesh. I contacted the boys at Landover R&D and discussed the show with them. We have a solution, a dummy made up of ballistics gel with an internal bone structure( do not ask where we got the bones) and we have found a way to place placebo blood under the exterior of the dummy( under the false skin).
By Monday the dummy should be cured and ready for further testing. attached are some photos from the R& D team.

That is truly glorious, brother. Perhaps we may even put make-up on the obviously-male dummy. I will have a more clear conscious knowing exactly why I am stoning the dummy.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

That is truly glorious, brother. Perhaps we may even put make-up on the obviously-male dummy. I will have a more clear conscious knowing exactly why I am stoning the dummy.

We have before us a genuine "teaching moment". That is, a time to teach about the practice of stoning and who will be the target of the stones after we have returned it to it's rightful place in the judicial system.

Perhaps someone could assist me here. The dummies we will use for targets need to have proper labels. That is, we would want to stone the same kind of people today that were stoned in Biblical times. Thus, we need labels that reflect Biblical teachings.

It seems one label and target of stones would be a dummy labeled "Harlot". Certainly, we would want a target labeled "Atheist", even though the term is more recent than the Bible.

Please pass along other suggestions and I will order the labels from Freehold's City Print Shop. Thank you.