Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

[Johny Joe Hold]

I don't know just what to make of Professor Paul Enna of the Southeastern Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Tampa.

He claims to know a lot about what exactly you can take to heaven and what we do after we get there.

On the question of "How will we pass the time?", he says we will farm and raise livestock.

This is a little disappointing to me, personally, because I assumed there would be something a little special for us politicians who spent our careers helping people.

Maybe you can figure out from the article what will happen to you:

http://www.christianpost.com/news/biblical-scholar-life-in-heaven-similar-to-earth-but-better-50073/

[James Hutchins]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

Who needs cows when God will provide the milk for free?

When I am in Heaven, I plan to play golf every day with the Landover Pastors and dine at the Heaven Mens Club every night on steak, with fine cigars in the billiards room after.

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

I imagine lil' ol' BAB will lead a cherubic barbershop quartet with Bros. V-Grid, Tomba, and OEJ.
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[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

We you think about it, it would make more sense if the people in hell had to milk the cows and then piped it up to us in heaven.

It doesn't seem right that those of us in heaven should have to deal with cow "excretion".

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

I think this "professor" is trying to make Christianity look silly.

The Bible says there will be no death or dying or pain or suffering in Heaven. But this stroppy cow says we will be raising livestock.

To what end? No death or dying or suffering applies to animals too, no?

Will a farmer be trapped in an endless loop of helping a cow bear a calf, only for the same calf to be born in a week? Or will farmers tend herds that will grow exponentially forever, eventually leaving us trampled by cattle?

Will the auditor spend eternity seeking out that one penny by which Heaven's books are off?

It sounds like Hell to me. Without the fire.

[Titus Templeton]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

"But medical doctors and dentists will need to find new vocations, he noted, since the heavenly bodies will be perfect."

My neighbour's son is a young dentist. It is hard for young people to find a job and its sad that some of them have to find a new job in Heaven.
But i will do my best to help them. I hope i can keep my job on Hecklar & Koch once i am in Heaven. Not sure we need weapons up there.

[ExGay Alex]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

Well, I certainly hope not. Coveralls make my behind look as wide as a barn and I doubt heaven has enough moisturizer for me if I have to be in the fields all day. I thought I would spend heaven on my knees worshiping Jesus, pausing only to sip virgin mary's at heaven's poolside bar.

On the other hand, what do I know? This guy is a Biblical scholar, after all. I just want to be with God for eternity, doing whatever He needs me to do. Glory!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

I don't know just what to make of Professor Paul Enna of the Southeastern Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Tampa.

What can I say? The “professor” is a Southern Baptist. They are the ones who started adding to God’s Word.

The first problem was in 1844, Basil Manly, Sr., president preacher and a planter who owned 40 slaves, applied to the Home Mission Society as a missionary. The Home Mission Society's board refused to appoint him, as missionaries were not allowed to take servants with them. The stupidity of this decision caused Landover to become independent. How was it possible to prevent a missionary from taking his possessions with him? Was he to be stopped taking his clothes?!!

The next problem was Landmarkism, “No further will I relinquish the beliefs and practises of my forefathers and God!” This was the cry of Landover as we fought against recognizing any other churches, which were nothing more than social meeting places!


Up until 1995, Landover occasionally sent a speaker to the Southern Baptist Conventions but Pastor Zeke walked out that year. The Convention voted to adopt a resolution apologizing for its past defense of slavery. Can you believe that? After all slavery did for Darkies????

What people hungry for Salvation see as Southern Baptists are no less than lily-livered, lieberal liars and false Christians greasing the pathway to Damnation!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

What can I say? The “professor” is a Southern Baptist. They are the ones who started adding to God’s Word.

The first problem was in 1844, Basil Manly, Sr., president preacher and a planter who owned 40 slaves, applied to the Home Mission Society as a missionary. The Home Mission Society's board refused to appoint him, as missionaries were not allowed to take servants with them. The stupidity of this decision caused Landover to become independent. How was it possible to prevent a missionary from taking his possessions with him? Was he to be stopped taking his clothes?!!

The next problem was Landmarkism, “No further will I relinquish the beliefs and practises of my forefathers and God!” This was the cry of Landover as we fought against recognizing any other churches, which were nothing more than social meeting places!


Up until 1995, Landover occasionally sent a speaker to the Southern Baptist Conventions but Pastor Zeke walked out that year. The Convention voted to adopt a resolution apologizing for its past defense of slavery. Can you believe that? After all slavery did for Darkies????

What people hungry for Salvation see as Southern Baptists are no less than lily-livered, lieberal liars and false Christians greasing the pathway to Damnation!

Thank you for that excellent history, Brother Ezekiel. Many who stop by here need to hear this.

Landover Baptist remains the only True Christian™ Baptist denomination in the world.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

"But medical doctors and dentists will need to find new vocations, he noted, since the heavenly bodies will be perfect."

My neighbour's son is a young dentist. It is hard for young people to find a job and its sad that some of them have to find a new job in Heaven.
But i will do my best to help them. I hope i can keep my job on Hecklar & Koch once i am in Heaven. Not sure we need weapons up there.

Perhaps your son can sharpen the beaks of the billions of chickens.

Of course, they will never get dull, since there won't be any decay, and the birds won't have to eat, so I'm not sure why they'd want or need sharpened beaks . . . And without lust, they won't procreate either, so there's no need for people to tend them unless they are forced to procreate, so that the farmers can have more chickens to tend that don't eat and that we don't eat . . .

My head hurts.

[lilith]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

'Cows in heaven?!'


Not overly familiar with farms obviously.
Cows involve getting up at the crack of dawn to milk them;they require milking twice daily. They need feeding too - that means growing crops.

In addition cows are quite large animals, & since they eat a lot,they also tend to...um...relieve themselves. A lot. AND frequently.

Though I have to say,the lovely mental image of saintly true Christians grappling with the finer points of cleaning up cow excrement does the heart good.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

That is perhaps the single most unhelpful post in this thread. I'm not at all sure why you are allowed to post!

Please understand that different rules apply in heaven and what are mundane practicalities here on earth are done away with in heaven thanks to God.

[Cursed]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

Yeah I bet the cows in Heaven will deliver their own milk somehow.

Who knows what wonders GOD will come up with?

They surely won't be pooping everywhere and making a mess; even if they do poop you can be sure it will end up in Hell through some miraculous solution.

I can't wait to be in Heaven! I don't care if there are cows there or not, I just want to watch wicked people burn and laugh and laugh and Praise God forever and ever, as long as I can do that I'll be happy.

[lilith]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

That is perhaps the single most unhelpful post in this thread. I'm not at all sure why you are allowed to post!

Please understand that different rules apply in heaven and what are mundane practicalities here on earth are done away with in heaven thanks to God.

Really? So...cows don't crap in heaven,then?


They'd explode....possibly all over the saintly true believers. With any sort of luck.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Professor: There are Cows in Heaven!

Really? So...cows don't crap in heaven,then?


They'd explode....possibly all over the saintly true believers. With any sort of luck.

I imagine all the poo will fall down onto the damned in Hell, adding stench to their torture in the flames.

Lilith --> <-- True Christians(tm)