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  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22912
    #1

    Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

    Happy Birthday! May Jesus, Who has given you the gift of eternal beauty and youth, smile even more broadly upon you this day.

    Here's an earthly gift recommended by Mrs Bathfire:

    Click image for larger version Name: GamesForPussy.jpg Views: 1 Size: 63.2 KB ID: 1929066
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
    Tags: None
    • Rachel White
      Unsaved trash
      • Apr 2013
      • 17
      #2
      Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

      Happy birthday!

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050
          #3
          Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

          A blessed birthday to you, Daisy Mae! I know what Zeke's getting you, and it's real nice. I'm not allowed to say anything more about it, though.
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Talitha
              Deaconess
              Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
              True Christian™
              • Jul 2026
              • 15118
              #4
              Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

              Click image for larger version Name: angel-1.gif Views: 1 Size: 84.7 KB ID: 1917604

              Sister Talitha

              Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


              HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
              being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                Comment

                • Nobar King
                  Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                  Christ's Guardian
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 23748
                  #5
                  Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                  May this be the happiest birthday for you, yet!
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment

                    • James Hutchins
                      True Christian™
                      Just a Regular Nice Guy
                       
                      • Jun 2009
                      • 29454
                      #6
                      Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                      Sorry to hear Zeke had to leave town for that emergency mission to Bangcock. It is very gracious of you to accept his going to lay hands on the lost street boys as your gift.

                      Happy 28th birthday, little lady. Save me a fresh slice of that birthday pie!
                      Attached Files
                      Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                      Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                      Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                      Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                      Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                      Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                        Comment

                        • Mary Etheldreda
                          Gushing for Jesus
                           
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 23775
                          #7
                          Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                          A most Blessed Birthday, Miss Johnson! In your honor, my family has decided to sponsor one more nigglet! The family named her LaFarquinita, but we call her little Daisy Mae!


                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                            Comment

                            • Nurse Clampett
                              Jesus's Favorite Nurse
                              Forum Member
                              • Jan 2009
                              • 974
                              #8
                              Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                              Happy Birthday, Great Lady!
                              Luke 5:31
                              And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick

                                Comment

                                • Mary Thompson
                                  True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Mar 2013
                                  • 653
                                  #9
                                  Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                                  Happy Birthday, Daisy-Mae Johnson! May the LORD bless you on this fine day!
                                  Thinking of Abortion?
                                  That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
                                  Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

                                    Comment

                                    • Betty Sue
                                      Unsaved trash, confirmed retard
                                      • Dec 2012
                                      • 67
                                      #10
                                      Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!



                                      happy birthday!
                                      For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. (1 Corinthians 11:6)

                                        Comment

                                        • Basilissa
                                          South of the Border outreach program
                                          True Christian™
                                           
                                          • Mar 2013
                                          • 12997
                                          #11
                                          Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                                          Happy Birthday, Miss Daisy Mae!
                                          God created fossils to test our faith.

                                          * * *

                                          My favorite LBC sermons:
                                          True Christians are Perfect!
                                          True Christian™ Love.
                                          Salvation™ made Easy!
                                          You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                                          Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                                          Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                                           Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                                          Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                                          The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                                          Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                                          God HATES Rational Thinking!
                                          True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                                            Comment

                                            • Levi Jones
                                              Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
                                              Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
                                              Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
                                               
                                              • Jul 2009
                                              • 13930
                                              #12
                                              Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                                              Blessed birthday to our sweetest sister in Christ, the charming and beautiful Daisy Mae.

                                              Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

                                                Comment

                                                • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                  Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                   
                                                  • Sep 2006
                                                  • 78556
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                                                  Happy Birthday to my sweet Fiance. I can't believe it's been 7 years now since I informed you that you would be my future wife. We'll schedule the pre-wedding planning meeting one day soon, I'm sure.

                                                  Anyway, I'm up to my armpits in unsaved, scrawny little Indonesian boys over here in slant land, so I'm sorry I can't be there (again) for your birthday. The Lord's work won't wait!

                                                  Hope you like the gift I sent.
                                                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Esther B.
                                                      Forum Member
                                                      Forum Member
                                                      • Sep 2012
                                                      • 575
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Blessed Birthday Daisy-Mae Johnson!

                                                      Happy (late) Birthday, Miss Johnson!
                                                      And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
                                                      Deuteronomy 6.5

                                                        Comment

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