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  • Faith_Machine
    Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Mar 2011
    • 10050
    #1

    Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

    Dear Faith Machine,

    Please don't feel hurt that nobody's wished you a happy birthday this year. You know how busy the pastors are, and you know the women of Landover have so much cooking and cleaning to do.

    I ordered you this cake to remind you that you're just a little bit closer to being with Jesus, who doesn't want you to focus on selfish, silly things like birthdays anyway.



    Try to spend your special day keeping the focus on Him, Faith Machine, and please act very gracious if or when the pastors finally do get around to sending you a card.

    Yours in Christ,

    Faith Machine
    WARNING:
    In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
    REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
    Tags: None
    • IreneS
      Forum Member
      • Dec 2013
      • 197
      #2
      Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!




      Happy Birthday, Faith Machine

        Comment

        • Faith_Machine
          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 10050
          #3
          Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

          Thank you Irene, that's a lovely sentiment!
          WARNING:
          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

            Comment

            • Thomas Taylor
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Oct 2012
              • 1486
              #4
              Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

              Congratulations Brother! Another year closer to Jesus. Maybe this will be the year He enfolds you in His Loving arms.
              Isaiah 66:15

              For behold, the Lord wil come with fire, and with his charets like a whirlewinde, to render his anger with furie, and his rebuke with flames of fire.

                Comment

                • Faith_Machine
                  Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Mar 2011
                  • 10050
                  #5
                  Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                  Thanks Mr. Taylor! I actually came very close to losing my life this year!
                  WARNING:
                  In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                  REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                    Comment

                    • Attila's Wife
                      True Christian™
                      True Christian™
                      • Jul 2013
                      • 1941
                      #6
                      Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                      Blessings be upon you, Faith Machine, on this day.

                      Numbers 6:24-26

                      The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:
                      The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:
                      The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

                      YiC
                      Attila's Wife
                      2 Timothy 3:16

                      All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


                        Comment

                        • Mary Etheldreda
                          Gushing for Jesus
                           
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 23775
                          #7
                          Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                          Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                          Thanks Mr. Taylor! I actually came very close to losing my life this year!
                          My dear Faith, I am so grateful to have a friend like you who knows the value of life (Ecclesiastes 12:13). I will pray in your honor today, for those poor wretched sinners who are not grateful for the opportunity the LORD has given them to praise and worship Him for ever and ever!

                          I'm glad you're not so selfish as this man. The LORD has found a faithful servant in you, indeed.

                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                            Comment

                            • Daisy Mae Johnson
                              The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                              Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                              aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 15708
                              #8
                              Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                              HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Brother Faith!




                              Why, how blessed are you!? Just LOOK
                              how close your Birthday is to '!
                              sigpic

                              Tweet me Here
                              My GODLY Bio Here

                                Comment

                                • John Creeser
                                  Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
                                   
                                  • Aug 2009
                                  • 7248
                                  #9
                                  Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                  Happy Birthday Brother!! Stop by later and have some pie!
                                  -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
                                  -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

                                  -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
                                  -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
                                  -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
                                  -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
                                  -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

                                  STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

                                    Comment

                                    • Basilissa
                                      South of the Border outreach program
                                      True Christian™
                                       
                                      • Mar 2013
                                      • 12993
                                      #10
                                      Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                      Originally posted by Faith_Machine View Post
                                      Dear Faith Machine,

                                      Please don't feel hurt that nobody's wished you a happy birthday this year. You know how busy the pastors are, and you know the women of Landover have so much cooking and cleaning to do.

                                      I ordered you this cake to remind you that you're just a little bit closer to being with Jesus, who doesn't want you to focus on selfish, silly things like birthdays anyway.

                                      Try to spend your special day keeping the focus on Him, Faith Machine, and please act very gracious if or when the pastors finally do get around to sending you a card.

                                      Yours in Christ,

                                      Faith Machine
                                      I apologize my cake wasn't ready at 4:51 AM (Eastern Time).

                                      Have a great birthday, brother!

                                      God created fossils to test our faith.

                                      * * *

                                      My favorite LBC sermons:
                                      True Christians are Perfect!
                                      True Christian™ Love.
                                      Salvation™ made Easy!
                                      You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                                      Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                                      Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                                       Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                                      Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                                      The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                                      Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                                      God HATES Rational Thinking!
                                      True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                                        Comment

                                        • Faith_Machine
                                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Mar 2011
                                          • 10050
                                          #11
                                          Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                          Originally posted by John Creeser View Post
                                          Happy Birthday Brother!! Stop by later and have some pie!
                                          Oh, you know how much I love Mrs. Creeser's pie! I apologize in advance if I get greedy with it.
                                          WARNING:
                                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                            Comment

                                            • Mark L. Snyde, PhD
                                              True Christian™
                                              True Christian™
                                              • Nov 2013
                                              • 1284
                                              #12
                                              Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                              Happy Birthday, Brother Faith!

                                              I'm sure Brother Creeser will joyously allow you to bogart that pie on your birthday!
                                              sigpic

                                              I Kings 7:23

                                              And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

                                              New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

                                              Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

                                              Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

                                              Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!

                                                Comment

                                                • Cranky Old Man
                                                  Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                                                  You kids get off his lawn!
                                                   
                                                  • Jan 2010
                                                  • 22379
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                                  Who?
                                                  5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                                                  To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                                                  James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Ex-soccer player
                                                      True Christian™
                                                      True Christian™
                                                      • Mar 2012
                                                      • 285
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                                      Happy birthday and thank you for bringing people closer to Jesus, Faith Machine!

                                                      And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come. - Matthew 24:14
                                                      Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division - Luke 12:51

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Jesus
                                                          The Truest Christian™
                                                           
                                                          • May 2008
                                                          • 216
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Have a blessed birthday, Faith Machine!

                                                          Happy Birthday My child.

                                                          Hey, not to freak you out or anything, just giving you a heads up. I may - or may not - be coming to get you next year...... I just want to keep you on your toes.


                                                          BLESSINGS!
                                                          Blessed is Me.

                                                            Comment

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