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  • #31
    Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

    Well, it's been quite a day so far! Pastor Zeke woke me by kicking in my front door while it was still dark (sorry for locking it)! After rebuking me for not sleeping in my pilot's uniform as I got dressed, we sped across Freehold in one of (I forget which one, it was early) the Pastor's Escalades. To the car we sideswiped while crossing Main street against the light, that was my fault. I think my involuntary screams of terror were a bit distracting to Pastor Zeke.

    He began to calm down as some of the other Pastors and normal passengers started arriving at the AirJesus terminal. He even stopped yelling at the ground crew after a few minutes. They got the G550 fueled and prepped in record time, and I think I can rehire most of the guys Pastor ordered me to fire in a few days when we get back to Freehold.

    Right now, we are in London refueling. I'm on my laptop (thank you Lord for Your glorious WiFi!) in the cockpit. Pastor Zeke is yelling at the English ground crew. I can see him waving a KJV 1611 over his head as we speak! We should be in Denmark soon! Get ready to be saved, you filthy Euro WHORES!

    Praise!
    sigpic


    Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



    God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



    Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

    Comment

    • #32
      Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

      Originally posted by Capt. A. Portway View Post
      we sped across Freehold in one of (I forget which one, it was early) the Pastor's Escalades.
      I prefer the earlier Escalades, as well.
      May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

      Comment

      • #33
        Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

        Memorize these images, this is what you are up against Pastors:
        Attached Files
        sigpic


        “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

        Author of such illuminating essays as,
        Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • #34
          Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

          This train has whiffy, I don't know what it means, but my laptop computer does work because of "Whiffy" I caught an earlier train and am on my way!
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


          sigpic

          Comment

          • #35
            Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

            Almost there brothers! I'll be the first one off the plane (I often act as a Spiritual Shield when entering dangerous territory such as those strip clubs in downtown Des Moines) and we'll be ready to RATTLE SATAN's CAGE in Copenhagen!

            Brother BJ and his boys in security are with us. The DOF reports a nest of boy prostitutes waiting for my ministrations. I can't wait to wade into that sea of sweaty foreign flesh, Bible in hand, rock hard for Jesus, shouting GLORY TO GOD!!
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment

            • #36
              Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              Almost there brothers! I'll be the first one off the plane (I often act as a Spiritual Shield when entering dangerous territory such as those strip clubs in downtown Des Moines) and we'll be ready to RATTLE SATAN's CAGE in Copenhagen!

              Brother BJ and his boys in security are with us. The DOF reports a nest of boy prostitutes waiting for my ministrations. I can't wait to wade into that sea of sweaty foreign flesh, Bible in hand, rock hard for Jesus, shouting GLORY TO GOD!!
              Glory Pastor. We will be all over any of those she-males the minute the even glance at your behind Pastor. Trust me these she-male-sisterhood of Satan is going down on this one. SATAN; JESUS IS COMING!

              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

              Hot Must ReadThreads!


              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

              Comment

              • #37
                Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                Originally posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
                Memorize these images, this is what you are up against Pastors:
                Stand back! I'll witness to this one!
                Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


                sigpic

                Comment

                • #38
                  Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                  Praise Jesus, the prayer warriors of Landover shall triumph. There are no more upstanding Christians anywhere, and I'm sure every man jack of us will remain firm with these harlots. Indeed, if we hold God before us the Spirit shall penetrate even the most jaded and depraved of these fallen women.

                  Then I shall fall upon these old but disjointed knees and cast my gaze upon Paradise, dewy as with pearls and milky honey, and I shall cry aloud in praise as the Gates open before me! Oh, how sweet shall this taste upon my aged but still-flexible tongue!

                  Afterwards I'll catch up with you guys at Ricco's Kaffebar on Istedgade, OK? Amen.

                  ~~ OEJ

                  Comment

                  • #39
                    Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                    What a nightmare. The gypsies got my goat somewhere along the way. I lost some of my luggage while I was sleeping. But, I am here now and ready to insert some of God's love into those harlots.

                    I'm the one carrying this sign
                    "8": Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay with her, and they bruised the breasts of her virginity, and poured their whoredom upon her.
                    Ezekiel, chapter 23


                    So where are you all at? I'm in an internet cafe, they call them "bøssebar" and I've been preaching to a girl named
                    kvinde medenpølse.

                    I'm leaving soon and I'll head off for Ricco's Kaffebar on Istedgade.
                    Matthew:
                    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • #40
                      Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                      I left that place in a hurry, let me tell you! That's a figure of speech. I really don't want to talk about it. I am ashamed. When the Lord calls us I know we should answer and witness his word no matter how depraved the situation. I bow my head, because as I was fleeing, I am 100% certain I heard a certain Landover Pastor preaching like I've never heard it preached before.
                      Pastor, my hat is off to you. I did wilt in the face off the enemy, but you stood tall, erect, and proud while delivering the Lord's word!

                      I would envy you, but that's a sin. I left my sign in the "internet cafe" so i have made a new one,
                      "29": Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom, and the land become full of wickedness.
                      Leviticus, chapter 19




                      Now Landoverites! We must get together. Where are you now. I'm resting my feet after some preaching at, or as near to as I could get, the Bella centre.
                      Matthew:
                      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                      sigpic

                      Comment

                      • #41
                        Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                        Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                        Now Landoverites! We must get together. Where are you now. I'm resting my feet after some preaching at, or as near to as I could get, the Bella centre.
                        I'm currently in the ER of the Hudklinikken Hospital. The goat bit me. Don't ask.
                        Psalm 81:10:
                        I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                        open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                        Comment

                        • #42
                          Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                          I write this with weakness in my body and failing eyesight. Forgetting my age, I approached three of the young lady harlots in order to gather them to Jesus’ Bosom. It appeared that they had a prayer closet in a nearby house and we repaired thence last night local time.

                          My ministrations were, perforce, exhaustive and protracted. Now morning light has passed through the curtains and, whilst my spirit is still strong, my flesh is weak…

                          Do not attempt to rescue me… (no, really, don't)

                          if I do not make it back to Landover, tell my wife that I forgive her for gathering sticks on the Sabbath in 1957.

                          Now I see that 2 of them have entered the room… I will require all my strength to pr
                          sigpic


                          “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                          Author of such illuminating essays as,
                          Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                          Comment

                          • #43
                            Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                            I just had a couple of Stjerneskud things. They were actually edible, and the beer was a bit heavy. Would have preferred a Bud lite ™



                            After that, I'm ready for some witnessing. After that I'm heading into the Christiania part of town. That sounds like a safe place to regather my strength and pray.
                            Matthew:
                            5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                            5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                            10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                            10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


                            sigpic

                            Comment

                            • #44
                              Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                              I sure envy you all, out there preaching the word of God and ministering to all of those filthy fallen women (and transexuals). I'm sitting here "watching the plane" as usual. I know it's my job and all, but dang it, just once I'd like to try my hand at saving a few souls.

                              Oh well, at least Jesus knows I flew everybody over here, so maybe that counts as saving souls by proxy or something. I don't know, I just get a little bored and jealous I guess.

                              And cold. I'm not allowed to run the heaters while it's just me in the plane, (it's a waste of church funds) and in all the excitement leaving Freehold, I forgot my sleeping bag. These little lap blankets do alright, as long as you use nine or ten of them.
                              sigpic


                              Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!



                              God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!



                              Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!

                              Comment

                              • #45
                                Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

                                I am so upset that I must stay at home ministering to my mother's bunyons while you all are out there giving it to the unwashed with all you've got. Might I suggest that displaying the following test from the Bible on your sign will get your point across:

                                "Want zij op hun paramours doted, het waarvan vlees als vlees van ezels zijn, en de waarvan kwestie als de kwestie van paarden is."

                                This is, of course, Ez 23:20 which reads in American:

                                "For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."                                 Ez. 23:20
                                For those unsaved out there, I will translate to your hippy-liberal NON-bible called the NIV:

                                "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."

                                I hope that the BIBLE'S true message about lusting after male genitals as big as donkeys and which emit as much seed as a horse does really sends the message to those whores and shows the world what Landover Men are all about!
                                Yours In Christ,

                                Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                                Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                                Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                                Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                                The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                                Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                                How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                                20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                                God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                                Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                                Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                                Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                                There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                                Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                                Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

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