Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Gents -

While most of you aren't bachelors like me, there are no doubt times when you will be taking care of yourself. For example, each month there's a whole week when the missus will be out in her menstrual shack.

What tips do you have to share for getting by in these times of need?

I have one for you:

Unless you are in the mood to clean your microwave, do not reheat salmon in it uncovered.

Fortunately for me, Phebe is graciously sending Widow Helen over to the guest house to clean up. Unfortunately for me, Widow Helen will no doubt run her yap have something to say about it.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

With the amount of time I spend on the road, it really was never an issue. I just go to restaurants. Or she would leave some freezer dinners with instructions on it (lasagna etc). But I spent my youth as a confirmed bachelor, so worst case scenario, I'm actually fairly handy in the kitchen.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Apparently, wool garments should be dry cleaned and not washed in a machine, even on the "gentle" cycle. Mrs. Porter came home from surgery and started sobbing that I ruined her skirts. I reminded the sass pot that she should have been home to do the laundry herself and that I paid for them anyway. Ungrateful.

In Christ!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

I found out that police badges are not entirely dishwasher safe.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

I don't believe in electric kitchen appliances. Those are mostly for lazy whores.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Apparently, wool garments should be dry cleaned and not washed in a machine, even on the "gentle" cycle. Mrs. Porter came home from surgery and started sobbing that I ruined her skirts. I reminded the sass pot that she should have been home to do the laundry herself and that I paid for them anyway. Ungrateful.

In Christ!

I'd like to add a similar horrid experience with the blasted washing machine.

Apparently you can't mix different colors together; somehow all my favorite Jesus shirts came out homer-pink.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Hire a maid If Jesus wanted me to wash dishes I would have been born a female.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Hire a maid If Jesus wanted me to wash dishes I would have been born a female.

Um, hi there, Jim . . . I thought you were splattered across a mountainside somewhere. What a . . . what's the word . . . RELIEF!

Er, whereabouts are you now?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Um, hi there, Jim . . . I thought you were splattered across a mountainside somewhere. What a . . . what's the word . . . RELIEF!

Er, whereabouts are you now?

Sittin in my man cave and having a cold beer or two. Just thinking about how good it is to be alive. Been out of town for a few weeks whats been happening? Why is everyone so surprised to see me? Had lunch at the men's club today, it was like they saw a ghost.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Sittin in my man cave and having a cold beer or two. Just thinking about how good it is to be alive. Been out of town for a few weeks whats been happening? Why is everyone so surprised to see me? Had lunch at the men's club today, it was like they saw a ghost.

So I take it you're not aware that your plane disappeared and you were pronounced dead . . . or that Sister Phebe has returned to her maiden name?

Shall I join you in your man cave? I've been staying in Phebe Carlyle's your guest house the last few days. In town for the post-election bash and Witch Hunt and all.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

So I take it you're not aware that your plane disappeared and you were pronounced dead . . . or that Sister Phebe has returned to her maiden name?

Shall I join you in your man cave? I've been staying in Phebe Carlyle's your guest house the last few days. In town for the post-election bash and Witch Hunt and all.

Crash ? I was in China, I was so far out in the boondocks they had to import sun light. Lost my cell phone and my private jet, had to fly commercial air back. Where is Phebe the house was all shut up when I got home? And where are my cars? Rev come on up to the main house, you don't need to stay in the guest house, that's Phebe's menstra house.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Crash ? I was in China, I was so far out in the boondocks they had to import sun light. Lost my cell phone and my private jet, had to fly commercial air back. Where is Phebe the house was all shut up when I got home? And where are my cars? Rev come on up to the main house, you don't need to stay in the guest house, that's Phebe's menstra house.

She didn't tell me that!!

I need a shower.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Hire a maid If Jesus wanted me to wash dishes I would have been born a female.

Indeed. I paid for all of those appliances; it's up to someone else to operate them.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Discipline your servants randomly and often. This is key to a smooth running Christian household.

Prov 20:30 The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Helpful Household Hints for True Christian Men

Crash ? I was in China, I was so far out in the boondocks they had to import sun light. Lost my cell phone and my private jet, had to fly commercial air back. Where is Phebe the house was all shut up when I got home? And where are my cars? Rev come on up to the main house, you don't need to stay in the guest house, that's Phebe's menstra house.

James, I'm a bit miffed. I came up to the main house last night after my shower, and the whole place was dark. Your Man Cave door was stuck. I knocked and knocked, but you didn't answer.

I forced the door open; turns out it was locked. Your Man Cave was dark and cold. Turning on the lights, I was shocked by the sight!

The big-screen TV had an axe buried in it, and the glasses were all smashed. The pool table was on its side, and the Italian leather chairs and barstools slashed. Even the glass shelves behind the bar and your liquor bottles were broken! The sticky residue of evaporated liquor coated the broken glass; it must have had days to dry. But you said you were just there having a beer . . .

What's this all about? Were you playing a little post-Halloween prank on me?

Sorry you couldn't join everybody at the post-election festivities last night. You missed a great time! Hope your little giggle at my expense was worth it.