How do I close my account?

[John c8v7]

How? How? How?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: How do I close my account?

How? How? How?

Open your window, throw out your computer, close your window. To be absolutely sure, also burn your house to the ground.

Or, just stop visiting this site...

[Basilissa]

Re: How do I close my account?

How? How? How?

I'm confused. Does that mean that I should take you off my prayers list?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: How do I close my account?

How? How? How?

Press and hold down the control button (ctrl). Then press and hold down the alt button. Then find and press the delete button. This procedure may take three hands.

You will not be able to remove the part of the site that lets our Security and Investigations Ministry watch you whenever your computer is turned on. Also, you are very ugly, which has proven to be a common condition among the unsaved.

[Back against wall]

Re: How do I close my account?

You can't (less Cranky's suggestion, window, fire) We may need you in the future. My particular Bible group, The Mafia "Men Against Faggots In Australia" are planning a trip to Gods Country (America) to meet up with "Men Against Faggots In America" and there are some people we need to look up. As a part of our conversion process we need filthy crack whores like you and if (when) we need your skankness, JesOS can help us get in contact.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: How do I close my account?

But why?

God will simply open someone's eyes to the Truth if they but seek It (Matthew 7:7). He won't force Himself on anyone*. The Bible speaks for Itself. It is the most read book in the world. Every minute of every day someone is thirsting to know the Truth, and we have no other desire than to bring It, and subsequent conversion and fear, to every man on earth (Matthew 28:16-20).

When someone wants to know what E = MC squared means, they don't argue with people what it's not. They go to a scholarly source. They learn from the Learned Authority (Hebrews 13:17). You're not really looking for answers, you're just looking to validate your anger, your bitterness, your disappointment with your life. But really, it is your soul crying out for it's Creator! Don't shut it down, friend! Set it free (Galatians 5:1)!

The Bible is the most action-packed book you can ever read. It's also the most historically accurate ever written. Can you imagine if someone wrote a book about what goes on today what it would look like? Abortion, murder, rape, adultery, Mtv... the list goes on. Abortion happened in the Bible just as it happens today. Rape happened in the Bible just as it happens today. But ... love, faith, courage in the face of insurmountable obstacles, triumph ... equally amazing things happened in the Bible compared to the sad things that happened. Only, there's more. There's one thing we can never reproduce by our own efforts.

The difference with the Holy Bible is that there's an Answer to the sad things. That's Jesus. The thing that remains is Salvation. In the beginning, Jesus existed (John 1:1) and was, is and always will be perfect (Psalm 18:30). He CANNOT look on sin, because it goes against what He is . So, because of our sinful nature, we would be sentenced to death (Romans 6:23). All of us.

But Jesus took on this debt for us (Colossians 2:14). He temporarily DIED so that we wouldn't have to die for all eternity! He sacrificed Himself to Himself to placate His Holy Anger and yet appease His Holy Nature of Heavenly Mercy, a miraculous answer to an impossible problem!

So now, there is Jesus, who is also God and the Holy Spirit. Because of this, you and I can receive the Holy Spirit in our bodies and thus receive salvation if we BELIEVE and look for True Answers. Because of this, in turn, when we meet God, He will literally see Himself in our hearts, and how can He deny Himself Heaven - HIS OWN HOME? He cannot. That would be like denying yourself entry into your own home. YOUR OWN HOME. Because of Jesus, we can look God in the face. If someone does not have Jesus in their heart, they will live eternally some place in Hell. Beloved, God will not let strangers into His home.

So, this is nothing new. True Christians™ have been sharing this Good News for thousands of years. You will probably read this and get really angry and refute the information, or maybe you will think I am insane, etc. However, the fact remains. This is where the rubber meets the road. We simply believe, or we don't believe. Our eternal LIVES are at stake, but no one can force you to have Faith. So, forgive me for not following this thread. I can only bang my head against a wall for so long.

Won't you pray to Him for Healing? Won't you bury your sorrows in His Divine Lap, and let His Love comfort you while you learn the joys of worshiping and serving Him?

* some restrictions may apply
Romans 9:18
Exodus 9:12
Deuteronomy 2:30
Isaiah 6:10
Jeremiah 17:92
2 Thessalonians 2:11
1 Kings 22:22
Jeremiah 4:10

[Rodrigo]

Re: How do I close my account?

But why?

God will simply open someone's eyes to the Truth if they but seek It (Matthew 7:7). He won't force Himself on anyone*. The Bible speaks for Itself. It is the most read book in the world. Every minute of every day someone is thirsting to know the Truth, and we have no other desire than to bring It, and subsequent conversion and fear, to every man on earth (Matthew 28:16-20).

When someone wants to know what E = MC squared means, they don't argue with people what it's not. They go to a scholarly source. They learn from the Learned Authority (Hebrews 13:17). You're not really looking for answers, you're just looking to validate your anger, your bitterness, your disappointment with your life. But really, it is your soul crying out for it's Creator! Don't shut it down, friend! Set it free (Galatians 5:1)!

The Bible is the most action-packed book you can ever read. It's also the most historically accurate ever written. Can you imagine if someone wrote a book about what goes on today what it would look like? Abortion, murder, rape, adultery, Mtv... the list goes on. Abortion happened in the Bible just as it happens today. Rape happened in the Bible just as it happens today. But ... love, faith, courage in the face of insurmountable obstacles, triumph ... equally amazing things happened in the Bible compared to the sad things that happened. Only, there's more. There's one thing we can never reproduce by our own efforts.

The difference with the Holy Bible is that there's an Answer to the sad things. That's Jesus. The thing that remains is Salvation. In the beginning, Jesus existed (John 1:1) and was, is and always will be perfect (Psalm 18:30). He CANNOT look on sin, because it goes against what He is . So, because of our sinful nature, we would be sentenced to death (Romans 6:23). All of us.

But Jesus took on this debt for us (Colossians 2:14). He temporarily DIED so that we wouldn't have to die for all eternity! He sacrificed Himself to Himself to placate His Holy Anger and yet appease His Holy Nature of Heavenly Mercy, a miraculous answer to an impossible problem!

So now, there is Jesus, who is also God and the Holy Spirit. Because of this, you and I can receive the Holy Spirit in our bodies and thus receive salvation if we BELIEVE and look for True Answers. Because of this, in turn, when we meet God, He will literally see Himself in our hearts, and how can He deny Himself Heaven - HIS OWN HOME? He cannot. That would be like denying yourself entry into your own home. YOUR OWN HOME. Because of Jesus, we can look God in the face. If someone does not have Jesus in their heart, they will live eternally some place in Hell. Beloved, God will not let strangers into His home.

So, this is nothing new. True Christians™ have been sharing this Good News for thousands of years. You will probably read this and get really angry and refute the information, or maybe you will think I am insane, etc. However, the fact remains. This is where the rubber meets the road. We simply believe, or we don't believe. Our eternal LIVES are at stake, but no one can force you to have Faith. So, forgive me for not following this thread. I can only bang my head against a wall for so long.

Won't you pray to Him for Healing? Won't you bury your sorrows in His Divine Lap, and let His Love comfort you while you learn the joys of worshiping and serving Him?

* some restrictions may apply
Romans 9:18
Exodus 9:12
Deuteronomy 2:30
Isaiah 6:10
Jeremiah 17:92
2 Thessalonians 2:11
1 Kings 22:22
Jeremiah 4:10

God bless you, Mary, for that post; it is beautiful and full of His annointing. I wish I could open a second LOB account!

[VictoryOS]

Re: How do I close my account?

There's no "Uninstall" on the Book of Life, son.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: How do I close my account?

How do I close my account? How? How? How?

Landover Baptist Church apologizes for the delay in giving you a reply to your question about your account.

We deal with accounts in accordance with

Re:20:12: And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.

You account at Landover is one of the books that will be opened on Judgment Day.

We cannot deprive God of this valuable source of evidence.

I suggest you depart and prepare yourself for the stench, heat and darkness of an eternity in the Pits of Hell.

If you have any questions about donations to Landover Baptist, please write directly to Pastor Ezekiel.

[John c8v7]

Re: How do I close my account?

Uhh, so when I close an internet account God doesn't know what was in it? Blasphemy.

[Basilissa]

Re: How do I close my account?

Uhh, so when I close an internet account God doesn't know what was in it? Blasphemy.

Sweetie, God probably knew that He was going to hate you when you were still in the womb:

Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

However, the record of the extent of your foolishness is necessary for the salvation of other people.

[Fred Hall]

Re: How do I close my account?

Hi John,

Did you try prayer? Ya know, if you pray hard enough to Jesus, anything is possible. Therefore, if your account is never deleted, then you're simply not praying hard enough... and you only have yourself to blame.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: How do I close my account?

Uhh, so when I close an internet account God doesn't know what was in it? Blasphemy.

You can't close your account on Jesus. He is always watching you.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: How do I close my account?

Uhh, so when I close an internet account God doesn't know what was in it? Blasphemy.

There's lots of good answers to your inquiry here John. Let me put it another way - through Divine intervention the Holy Spirit brought you here to give you an opportunity that you seem to be rejecting. As Hillary Clinton is now finding out, you can't just delete those e-mails - they are backed up in the "cloud". Now when it comes to Jesus and the "cloud", you might be tempted to say that it's just a metaphor - but things seem to work out that there is a permanent record somewhere and you can't be spending the rest of your life running from it.

[James Hutchins]

Re: How do I close my account?

You can never close an account. It can only be transferred from God to Satan.