Hello from Iceland

[Number13]

Hello friends,

I am a 35 year old Icelandic man and have lived without religion my entire life. Despite having been baptized as a child I never really believed in god since I did not have any real proof of his existence.

I stumbled upon this forum because of the threads relating to Iceland and now I would like to reach out to the wise Christian people of Landover Baptist Church for help on how I can avoid going to hell.

[GOD=life]

Re: Hello from Iceland

You have a very constructive attitude, friend! The first step of solving any problem is admitting you have one.

First, get a KJV 1611 Bible and read it entirely. From start to finish. You have to follow the entire Bible, so it's logical that you read it entirely:

2 Peter 1:20 Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.
2 Peter 3:16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
Matthew 4:4 Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

This is very important to understand.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hello from Iceland

God knew you would post that:
Proverb:1:22: How long, ye simple ones, will ye love simplicity? and the scorners delight in their scorning, and fools hate knowledge?
Proverb:1:23: Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.
Proverb:1:24: Because I have called, and ye refused; I have stretched out my hand, and no man regarded;
Proverb:1:25: But ye have set at nought all my counsel, and would none of my reproof:
Proverb:1:26: I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your fear cometh;
Proverb:1:27: When your fear cometh as desolation, and your destruction cometh as a whirlwind; when distress and anguish cometh upon you.
Proverb:1:28: Then shall they call upon me, but I will not answer; they shall seek me early, but they shall not find me:
Proverb:1:29: For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD:

Too late, Eskimo, you should have been a True Christian™ years ago.

PS, by all means have a go at what God=Life says, it might work, but be prepared for derisive laughter from the Heavens.

[Number13]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Too late, Eskimo, you should have been a True Christian™ years ago.

PS, by all means have a go at what God=Life says, it might work, but be prepared for derisive laughter from the Heavens.

Eskimo? I am actually white with blue eyes.
Why would the Heavens laugh at my sincere change in religious beliefs? I thought God would welcome any and all who start to believe.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Hello from Iceland

[...]Why would the Heavens laugh at my sincere change in religious beliefs?

Well, first of all, He says He will, and that's good enough for me.

God sees into your very soul; He knows if you mean it or if you are only doing it to save your own sinful skin.

I thought God would welcome any and all who start to believe.

Yeah, well, what you thought is neither here nor there. You do not have a valid opinion because you are an atheist - you have no moral compass to guide you. All your bankers were atheists and look where that got you.

God is looking for honesty, an attribute I have never found much of in Eskimos.

[True Disciple]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Despite having been baptized as a child I never really believed in god since I did not have any real proof of his existence.

You know, that's not really true. According to God, He gave ample proof of his existence, and you are guilty of not realizing that. Let's have a look at Romans 1:18-22:

Romans 1:18-19:
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness; Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.

The wrath of God is currently revealed to all of Iceland, which you can see if you look out of your window. You will see a big plume of smoke there, which is God's Answer to our Prayers for your destruction, as a punishment for the unrighteousness of men, in this case Icelandic men. This Passage specifically teaches that God shows Himself to you in His Wrath.

Romans 1:20:
For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

And here, the Bible confirms that because of the revelation of His Wrath, you are without excuse for not believing in Him. You have no right to whine about it when you are flung into Hell.

Romans 1:21-22:
Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools

Your heart was darkened, as you chose not to believe in Him, after He showed His Wrath over Iceland in this volcanic eruption, which turned you into a fool.

It is not too late, however! Accepting Jesus as your Lord and Saviour still will get you a ticket to Heaven, and, as an added bonus by the Landover Baptist Church, a Free PlayStation3 or Wii!

[Logan]

Re: Hello from Iceland

You made it out alive? Perhaps God has a plan for you afterwords, but like the good pastor said you must read the entire KJV Bible first.

[Number13]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Would the lord look more favorable upon me if I shared some of my wealth with the Landrover Baptist Church? I was fortunate enough to set some money away before the economic crash.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Would the lord look more favorable upon me if I shared some of my wealth with the Landrover Baptist Church? I was fortunate enough to set some money away before the economic crash.

Now we're talking!

Jesus hates to be robbed.

Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Of course we don't accept any beads, shells or walrus tusks. U.S. Dollars only.

[Number13]

Re: Hello from Iceland

What can I do to be accepted to your fantastic church? I would like to become a respected member of your community with lots of awards like "Protected by Jesus" and "Punched the most queers".

[Rev.Garry]

Re: Hello from Iceland

I believe this man is a homosexual, due to the sarcasm evident in all his posts

[Brother Alex]

Re: Hello from Iceland

What can I do to be accepted to your fantastic church? I would like to become a respected member of your community with lots of awards like "Protected by Jesus" and "Punched the most queers".

Welcome, my fellow eskimo.

In order to be "Protected by Jesus" you must get Saved®.

To get Saved®, you must read and follow the entire Bible, The Authorized King James Version of 1611. Then you must accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and try to avoid hell at all costs. You're also required to spread His Word™ amongst other eskimos in order to save them from eternal damnation.

For more information, you should take a look at THIS.

If you want to get the award for punching the most queers, then I suggest that you go out and start punching queers right away.

YIC,
Alex

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello from Iceland

I hope you've been practicing for your ex-masturbator award.

[Number13]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Welcome, my fellow eskimo.

In order to be "Protected by Jesus" you must get Saved®.

To get Saved®, you must read and follow the entire Bible, The Authorized King James Version of 1611. Then you must accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and try to avoid hell at all costs. You're also required to spread His Word™ amongst other eskimos in order to save them from eternal damnation.

For more information, you should take a look at THIS.

If you want to get the award for punching the most queers, then I suggest that you go out and start punching queers right away.

YIC,
Alex

Read KJV bible: Check!
Accept Jesus Christ: Check!
Avoid hell: Ongoing!
Spread his word: Check!
Queer-punching: Average is 2.5/day but will do better!

I hope you've been practicing for your ex-masturbator award.

I used to masterbate many times per day but after accepting Jesus I know that masturbation is a guarantee-ticket-to-hell so I have completely stopped of course!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Hello from Iceland

Well, Number13, your 13th posting in this thread seems to be nothing but good news! It is good to know that some people from Iceland can be Saved(c).