A Request from your Mayor

[Johny Joe Hold]

A Request for Moral Snow Sculptures

A most Merry Christmas to the wonderful citizens of Freehold. At this time of the year, our City is beautiful. Christmas lights are everywhere and the celebration of the birth of Christ is nearly here.

I have a little request I hope will seem reasonable to all of you. It concerns what I will call "Snow Sculpture", but, really is about snowmen.

As you all know, the traditional thing to do with snow is roll three balls, stack them up, put the coal eyes, stick on a carrot nose on and you have a snowman. Its been done that way forever. It is my hope that all snow scultures be some small variations of this snowman.

What concerns me is that either children, or, adults "helping" children have begun to be what I will call politely, "creative". I have seen some "snowmen" which are obviously snow women. These sculptures have body parts that embarass many of us to look at.

I even saw a snow man on Devine Street that has a human part that could only be call pornographic.

I want all our citizens to enjoy this winter season. My only request is that we all cooperate to make what is seen on our front lawns a credit to our City and to celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

A very Blessed Christmas to each and everyone of you.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

[SUV]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

I even saw a snow man on Devine Street that has a human part that could only be call pornographic.

Mayor Johny Joe, do you mean that snowMan whose arm had become broken off so that it looked like a sinful cripple?

Nauseating

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF SNOW YOU-KNOW-WHAT BELOW.

Let's not forget to step up the patrols at night, Mayor. We can't have a repeat of last year's debacle when I went to the darky side of town to drop off some legal papers for an Ex-Negroe client of mine and when I came out 6 minutes later, I found a graphic scene had been built on my car by the negroid children in the neighborhood:



They did this almost as fast as the had my car up on blocks the year before!

[Wide-Open]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

I'm glad my JesOS firewall blocked the picture, Brother Gabe.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

I was seriously touched by the fellow earlier this year who decided to build a snow-white tribute to Bobby Joe and the boys of the security detail:

A beautiful tribute to the boys who defend Freehold from Satan's dark forces - and that's snow lie!

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

That reminds me...we should kick-start a youth snowman building contest! Remember a few years ago when we dropped some of them off to do some street preaching in the slum parts of that bastion of heathenhood that is Des Moines, IA? We gave them signs like "God Hates Fags" and "I'll Be Dead Soon...Shout Glory!" etc. They came and found us at the restaurant later saying they were cold and hungry that they had left a snowman to spread the word of God to the people instead? So precious:

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

I prefer using snowmen for target practice:

[James Dewitt]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

Some of your work Cranky?

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.

[HTannor]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.

A timely warning, Ofc. Don.

I would appreciate it if you would modify your admonishment to include that all such cases will be brought to my court.

A careful search in my law library found this case: State v Clark Griswold, 1990, 1st District.

Griswold was found guilty of vilus tastus yuckus and was sentenced to yellow snow patrol for the rest of the winter. A very harsh sentence that I will gladly emulate.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

For any troublemakers reading this, be warned that you will be held liable for any obscene or lewd snow sculptures you create and fined accordingly.

The FPD will treat any naked snowpersons as though they were real people parading around in the snow without clothing, but you will be the one footing the bill.

Thank you for stepping forward to help with this, Ofc. Richards.

I just received a call from Mrs. Bjornson at 1325 Trinity. She says there is a "snowman" across the street from her that, so she says, has an arm extended forward with one finger pointed upwards. She said also that a child from the neigborhood stopped in and laughed about the snowman.

She could not remember exactly what the child said, but she recalls that it was something like, "It's giving us the birdy".

I have no idea what that means, or, if the sculpture falls under the category of porn, but I'd appreciate it if you would swing by there and take a look.

JJH

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

I'm a little concerned about this snowman I spotted across the street from the Freehold Post Office.

It was a snow man Jesus (at least he was depicted as a white Caucasian) on the cross.



I'm not sure if this was made with the intent to praise Jesus, or to blaspheme him.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

Well, the Hebraics are having their fun, it appears.

This one is grossly nude, has a Menorah on it, and is sticking it's tongue out at us in defiance!!

Please remove it from Butterfield Park immediately.
.

[James Dewitt]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

You think you have problems. I went down to the beach this morning to enjoy the morning sun, what do I find, a perverted sand pornograghie. Now I have to do two things, 1 install security cameras, 2 Get Sister Lycia to come out of her room, the poor girl ran from the beach crying.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: A Request from your Mayor

There seem to be a large number of unemployed atheist artists these days.