Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Landover Baptist Church proudly announces NEW MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE in our various evangelical programs around the world!

One of the commonly-held criticisms that unsaved trash speak about our church is our Unsaved, Unwelcome policy. They say that the Bible commands us to go out and spread the Gospel amongst the unsaved, and that is technically correct. However, the Bible also commands us to isolate ourselves from unsaved scum (1 Cor. 5:11, 1 Cor. 10:20, 2 Cor. 6:14-17, Eph. 5:11, 2 Thess. 3:6, 2 John 1:9-11). This website is for True Christians(tm) to share fellowship, Bible discussion, and knowledge amongst ourselves.

So if the purpose of this website is not to evangelize and teach the Word to the unsaved, how can we spread the Gospel to them? By going out into the world. Mark 16:15 tells us "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.". We are meant to go out into the world and preach. That is why Landover Baptist Church has many evangelical missions around the world, and we have opened many positions for faithful True Christians(tm) to join!

We currently have missionary positions open in the United States. Contact our VP of Evangelical Outreach, Pastor Billy-Reuben if you want to work stateside. However, for foreign countries, these are the missionary positions currently open:

• General Europe. Contact Pastor Wide-Open who is the director of our European Evangelical Outreach.
• Denmark. Contact Pastor Rune Enoe, Johannes Kirkeholm or Viggo B. Kristoffersen.
• New Zealand. Contact Mrs. Getrude Rogers.
• Canada. Contact Brother Enoch, Sister Kitty, or BelieverInGod.
• Spain. Contact Brother McUinnean.
• Germany. Contact Titus Templeton.
• Hawaii. Contact Brother Barton.
• Hong Kong. Contact Brother Fred.
• And more!

Missionary positions are volunteer work, so there is no pay. You do get room or board at our upscale evangelical centers, however. Your own private bedroom, private bathroom and shower, a common kitchen, and a $200 a month food allowance. Missionary work entails teaching foreigners English, teaching Bible study classes, setting up and working at our public Evangelical crusades, office work, general labor, and more. All missionaries must be at least 18 years of age, a certified True Christian(tm) through the Landover Baptist Church, and pass the LMAT (Landover Missionary Aptitude Test).

Do what God is calling you to do today! The world needs to hear the Word.

YIC,
Rev. Jim Osborne

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

What a great opportunity, Rev. Jim.

I'm thinking it will appeal to many of our young men in Freehold who have recently graduated and are waiting for the job market to improve.

God bless you for all the work you do.

JJH

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

God Bless you brother!

As you know from our PM contact and our phone conversation, LBC has been making progress here in Spain and currently have 8 aspiring converts.

Mission work here is of course still limited in its scope, this being a den of former Cathleg-now lazy liberal Latins.

Another hurdle is our lack of a Pastor, so at the moment the Bible Study is being done by myself and Mrs McUiinean. The rewards being reaped are enormous. Our gang of newbies are: 7 young ladies of former Jahoover's Winglesses - all between 19 and 28 yrs old, and a nurse by the name of María Dolores de la Santísima Trinidad Tovago, who has come from a rather licentious background of loose living and one failed lesbiack 'marriage'.

We do not yet have a venue for a Church but Brother Dewitt has been in contact regarding funding, this should run smoothly as there are a number of local officials that María Dolores de la Santísima Trinidad Tovago has been able to persuade to help us. It seems she was an amateur film-maker in her early days and these officials seem eager to acquire some of her confidential work in exchange for waiving of the usual planning permission formalities.


So far, so good Rev. Jim.
Jesus is smiling just as much as I am and my we're gang reaping the benefits of sowing the seeds of Salvation as we plow these freshly turned fields that are the girls in the name of Jesus.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

I noticed that Australia is not on the list - the locals are well below par I'm afraid: very little scope for improvement.

I Corinthians 16:22 If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema Maranatha.

However I will shortly be embarking on a tour of the Northern European sea ports and would be open to any suggestions the Pastors consider would fit me
in such a position as I'm likely to find myself between fixtures.

I would be happy to support any evangelical endeavour.

Humbly .....ML

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

I noticed that Australia is not on the list - the locals are well below par I'm afraid: very little scope for improvement.

I Corinthians 16:22 If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema Maranatha.

However I will shortly be embarking on a tour of the Northern European sea ports and would be open to any suggestions the Pastors consider would fit me
in such a position as I'm likely to find myself between fixtures.

I would be happy to support any evangelical endeavour.

Humbly .....ML

With the pastors' permission I'd readily welcome any help in the Catagena, Alicante or Valencia areas sister. You couldn't evangelicalize of course, you being of the female gender, but I'm sure our contacts in those areas could think of something.


Out of curiosity why is it northern European sea ports that you'll be touring?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

With the pastors' permission I'd readily welcome any help in the Catagena, Alicante or Valencia areas sister. You couldn't evangelicalize of course, you being of the female gender, but I'm sure our contacts in those areas could think of something.


Out of curiosity why is it northern European sea ports that you'll be touring?

There is a pressing need in Europe, and I would be happy to support any load the Pastors put upon me.

..oh, there is a lot of work in the summer months there - I'm a pianist but also program electronic music; we supply a full range of services, hardware, sound engineering, lighting, hospitality etc. At present I'm pretty busy in Australia with the art festivals (summer/autumn mainly) but most of my work is in Europe. I live in the UK, then (and commute). Most of the higher paying events are at venues near sea-ports where there seems to be more disposable income. Witnessing is hard - but opportunities do come up.

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

There is a pressing need in Europe, and I would be happy to support any load the Pastors put upon me.

..oh, there is a lot of work in the summer months there - I'm a pianist but also program electronic music; we supply a full range of services, hardware, sound engineering, lighting, hospitality etc. At present I'm pretty busy in Australia with the art festivals (summer/autumn mainly) but most of my work is in Europe. I live in the UK, then (and commute). Most of the higher paying events are at venues near sea-ports where there seems to be more disposable income. Witnessing is hard - but opportunities do come up.

I'm impressed Sister Mitza. That explains your bottomless well of knowledge regarding music, particularly the harpsichord. I'll pray that you get more opportunities to get down on your knees to witness for as many potential Saved as possible. May they be pianists too if possible, as I'm sure you're an expert at handling pianists my dear! May the Lord be with you!

[Rebuko the Clown]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

im pretty sure austria would be under "general europe" so wide-open could help you if you wanted to volenteer!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

It is safe to sate that Missionary Position is the kind of Position Jesus wants our young people to take. This is the kind of role a good Christian can put their back into and push back against Satan with! The face to face encounters that come with these positions will be deep and spiritually fulfilling.

I strongly urge our young Christians to not just lay there, but to take up this offer!

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

I love witnessing to all men and women of northern Mexico in my missionary position. Many of the people I witness to tell me how much warmer and more personal it is instead of relying on more back door communications like email and the internet.

[renaldude]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

Let me start with this, a responce to my intro:
noob
Views: 324
Posted By Rev. M. Rodimer
Re: noob

How wonderful!

But I do have to ask why you would go to Guatemala, with all the costs involved in so doing, when there are literally millions of Americans who don't know Jesus right in your own...

This was in responce to my saying that I have gone twice to Guatemalla on mission trips. And now to go out of the USA on missionary work is promoted? I'm glad we agree.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

This was in responce to my saying that I have gone twice to Guatemalla on mission trips. And now to go out of the USA on missionary work is promoted? I'm glad we agree.

Not all Christians agree on all things. I don't agree with Jim Osborne on the foreign missions to third world countries like Mexico and Canada, just as I don't agree with him on his selection of a striped tie with plaid pants.

I prefer to see funds spent reaching out to Americans and helping them gain salvation rather than traipsing off to foreign third-world countries and getting malaria, which then must be treated, raising my health insurance premiums and costing my own congregation more money than if I stay here in the US and carry on my truck stop ministry.

In an average month, I reach out and touch three or four dozen men, all hungry for the Love of Jesus. And I don't need to learn foreign languages to understand their pleas for Jesus enter them!

[renaldude]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

Not all Christians agree on all things. I don't agree with Jim Osborne on the foreign missions to third world countries like Mexico and Canada, just as I don't agree with him on his selection of a striped tie with plaid pants.

I prefer to see funds spent reaching out to Americans and helping them gain salvation rather than traipsing off to foreign third-world countries and getting malaria, which then must be treated, raising my health insurance premiums and costing my own congregation more money than if I stay here in the US and carry on my truck stop ministry.

In an average month, I reach out and touch three or four dozen men, all hungry for the Love of Jesus. And I don't need to learn foreign languages to understand their pleas for Jesus enter them!

My appologies, when I said "we" I did not intend to include anyone other than the person I was quoting. I'm so happy to hear about your productive mission field, so sad that you expect malaria/treatment/and raised premiums, that hasn't happend to anyone on any of our trips, ever.
That you reach so many in your ministry is great, God surely is working through you.
In Christ
Renaldude

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

I love witnessing to all men and women of northern Mexico in my missionary position. Many of the people I witness to tell me how much warmer and more personal it is instead of relying on more back door communications like email and the internet.

It is true Pastor Sampson, that the personal touch can achieve outcomes that might be difficult to believe if I were to describe them. I do have a soft spot for foreigners, and for Northern Europeans in particular (especially those Russian sailors). I know what will happen to them when they come ashore, harlots will waylay them, black-marketeers will accost them. I try to get them straight off the boat and into a suitable music venue and guide them along a better path. It is summer there now, and I'll be returning soon.

Although it is a Godless pit of iniquity, I am drawn there and feel that God might not have altogether abandoned the place any more than
I am abandoned.

Hallelujah !

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Want to Spread the Gospel? MISSIONARY POSITIONS AVAILABLE!

It is true Pastor Sampson, that the personal touch can achieve outcomes that might be difficult to believe if I were to describe them. I do have a soft spot for foreigners, and for Northern Europeans in particular (especially those Russian sailors). I know what will happen to them when they come ashore, harlots will waylay them, black-marketeers will accost them. I try to get them straight off the boat and into a suitable music venue and guide them along a better path. It is summer there now, and I'll be returning soon.

Although it is a Godless pit of iniquity, I am drawn there and feel that God might not have altogether abandoned the place any more than
I am abandoned.

Hallelujah !

Best wishes in the continuance of your good work sister. Be careful, in fact, don't. I'm sure the Lord is watching over you.

McU.