[James Hutchins]

Perhaps what the messican meant was moving up to mow a better class of lawn. That seems plausible.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Excellent work, Officer Richards! It gives me relief to know a stalwart man of the law like you is patrolling our streets!

[Buford T Scoggins]

I really think that I ought to apply to the Freehold Police Force. The only problem I can foresee is that, at present, I'm not allowed to drive a patrol car, or any car, due to a mild case of schizophrenia. But it's really unfair - as long as I take my medication, I'm fine. Anyway, it's only a problem in Texas, where they have my medical records at the Happydale Home for the Severely Disturbed. And all my arrests for throwing stink bombs at abortion clinics were only misdemeanor charges. The one felony charge for assault on an abortion clinic patient got dismissed due to my "medical condition."

In Freehold, Iowa, I'm sure the authorities would have no problem certifying me to handle a car, a taser and a gun. And all my True Christian friends here at LBC would no doubt vouch for my fine moral character.

Yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins

In Freehold, Iowa, I'm sure the authorities would have no problem certifying me to handle a car, a taser and a gun. And all my True Christian friends here at LBC would no doubt vouch for my fine moral character.

Brother, the Freehold Police Department follows the same personnel rules laid down by President Bush for our Godly military: As long as you're heterosexual, all else is negotiable.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 4, 2009

Pulled over a red Mazda for excessive speed. (Four miles an hour over.)

Inside were four young college girls who were listening to satanic pop music and wearing jewelry and tight pants. The windows were tinted so I used extreme caution.

After checking the license and registration of the young woman in the driver's seat, I asked her and her friends to step out of the car, place their hands on the hood and spread their legs. People driving cars with tinted windows often have paraphernalia on them, and weapons. Sure enough, in one of their purses was a nail file and pair of nail clippers. There was also a tampon, which I confiscated.

One of the girls was exceptionally well-endowed and required additional patting down because there was a lot of places she could've had a handgun or knife hidden. I had to smell her to make sure she hadn't been smoking marijuana. There was nothing in her soft blond hair either. I'm not entirely convinced they were innocent, but I wrote them a big fat ticket and let them go.

[Nobar King]

It's a shame the way fathers let their daughters dress these days when they let them go out of the house.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Oh, Officer Don, I see there has been a slight mistake. You see, those college girls aren't criminal scum or anything. I've had a lot of free time since my wife went to visit her sister in Florida, so I invited those young, pretty college girls to my house for some intense Bible study! Their names are Pamela, Brittany, Lindzey, and Sarah.

The only reason why they might be driving over the speed limit is because all four left my house in a frenzy of ecstacy after I baptized them and the Holy Ghost came all over them. You could see the Holy Ghost came all over their young faces because their eyes were closed and were experiencing spiritual ecstacy.

I have personally taken time out of my busy schedule to help with these young ladies' Salvation© for no charge whatsoever. I expect them to be back tomorrow night. Surely someone in the Freehold P.D. can look the other way for this ticket. Thanks, bud. See you at Casey's Donut Shop tomorrow morning!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Ofc. Don W. Richards

One of the girls was exceptionally well-endowed and required additional patting down because there was a lot of places she could've had a handgun or knife hidden. I had to smell her to make sure she hadn't been smoking marijuana. There was nothing in her soft blond hair either. I'm not entirely convinced they were innocent, but I wrote them a big fat ticket and let them go.

I think a strip search would have been in order. With terrorists infiltrating every community, you just can't be too careful.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Mary O'Bryan Thorne]

Originally Posted by Nobar King

It's a shame the way fathers let their daughters dress these days when they let them go out of the house.

I certainly agree! Is there not a way to imprision the parents of these underage girls for "contributing to the deliquency of a minor"? Then the children could be raised in nice Christian foster homes where they would have loving foster parents that would discipline them appropriately for non-compliance to the standard Christian dress code. I guarantee you that a few sore behinds would prevent them from wearing those tight clothes for sometime.

Mary

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Mary O'Bryan Thorne

Then the children could be raised in nice Christian foster homes where they would have loving foster parents that would discipline them appropriately for non-compliance to the standard Christian dress code. I guarantee you that a few sore behinds would prevent them from wearing those tight clothes for sometime.
Mary

You know, Sister Mary, I've been trying to become a foster parent for wayward teenage girls now for over a year, but without success. I think the authorities are discriminating against me because I'm a Christian. Of course, they don't dare admit it - they come with lame excuses like "you can't adopt children if you're homeless" or "you need to be married to just one woman, not three," or "a long history of mental illness disqualifies you."

It really is unfair.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Mary O'Bryan Thorne]

Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins

You know, Sister Mary, I've been trying to become a foster parent for wayward teenage girls now for over a year, but without success. I think the authorities are discriminating against me because I'm a Christian. Of course, they don't dare admit it - they come with lame excuses like "you can't adopt children if you're homeless" or "you need to be married to just one woman, not three," or "a long history of mental illness disqualifies you."

It really is unfair.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

Well deary me, Brother Buford. How appalling. I think you'd make a fine foster Father. With 3 women, the child / children would certainly have more maternal influences than children in a home w/ just one Mother. And being homeless would certainly teach the children survival skills - children nowadays are just so spoiled and jaded with so many material things. Why children nowadays are raised to be "soft". And mental illness? What does mental illnes have to do with raising a child? I've seen many mentally ill people give their children a good upbringing. Why look at Andrea Yates - her children were happy, healthy and had a great life up until Andrea drowned them in the tub. And Dena Schlosser? She took excellent care of her baby girl until she severed the baby's arms with a kitchen knife. And those are just 2 examples of parents with mental illnesses from Texas. So how can the authorities say someone with a mental illness doesn't take care of their children? I could never believe that being a Christian would be held against you. I bet those people that work in the Foster Care System are black. And you know those negroes wouldn't think it fair that a parentless white child would have a better life than what they can provide for their own kids.

If you need a reference, I'd certainly be willing to help.

Mary

[Professor Tyeisha X]

Originally Posted by Mary O'Bryan Thorne

Why look at Andrea Yates - her children were happy, healthy and had a great life up until Andrea drowned them in the tub. And Dena Schlosser? She took excellent care of her baby girl until she severed the baby's arms with a kitchen knife. And those are just 2 examples of parents with mental illnesses from Texas. So how can the authorities say someone with a mental illness doesn't take care of their children? I could never believe that being a Christian would be held against you. I bet those people that work in the Foster Care System are black. And you know those negroes wouldn't think it fair that a parentless white child would have a better life than what they can provide for their own kids.

Obviously this is proof that African-American women make better mothers than white women. It's always these white mothers that commit these atrocities against their own children, ever notice that? Whenever I hear about a mother who microwaved her baby or cuts off his head, I always think "Well, that's certainly not an African-American mother!". And guess what? I'm right 100% of the time.

In a perfect world, white people would be forcefully sterilized so you couldn't pass on your imperialistic, racist, bigoted, psychotic, evil, cruel, opportunistic, violent genes anymore.

A world without white -- would be alright!

[James Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Professor Tyeisha X

.................................................. ......Racist Rants....................And guess what? I'm right 100% of the time.
..................................

As is any other worthless broken watch.

[Mary O'Bryan Thorne]

So Tyeisha, you think it's best to toss the newborns out with the trash? It's a well know fact that negras have lots of babies - and a great many babies arejust thrown away. In a particular case a black mother bashed her newborn baby on the side of the head and then threw her in a toilet to die. A white Policewoman found and adopted the baby.

What is interesting is how many black children are abandoned and left to die in South Africa. It is white people who often take pity on these throw-away children and try to take care of them. I have noticed on numerous occasions in the mall or in a super-market, a white woman either with her own white children and a black child among them, or a young white couple who have adopted a black baby.

I have never in my life seen a black couple adopting a white baby - but I have seen many whites - often well-off/upper-classwhites who have adopted black babies as their own and who raisethem.

Let's face it, the white people are much more suited for parenting even if with a mental illness. The negroes keep popping out babies and those that choose not bash the babies skull in and flush it down the toilet, keep the child to get more welfare money. At least the white women with a mental illness give their children a chance to live and experience joys in life and at least the white women know the name of the child's Father and can take care of the child without help from the taxpayer's $$$'s.



Mary

[Vavoline Johnson]

Originally Posted by Professor Tyeisha X

Obviously this is proof that African-American women make better mothers than white women. It's always these white mothers that commit these atrocities against their own children, ever notice that?
A world without white -- would be alright!

Mercy, supmtin we kin finally agree on, sista! I pointed out da many times white ladies left da kids in da cars to cook while they run in a seven/beleven to get dem some ciggarettes. How many time has a white lady left da kids in da trailer only to have it burn down whiles they be havin relations wif a stanger? We eben got white babies dat get eatin by snakes up in Olando! Mercy,so far dis yr only one colored chile was killed here cause his daddy tossed him out of da car but he was high on crack and didnt know any better.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Rev. Jim: I didn't know these girls were students of yours. Consider the traffic ticket void. To help prevent things like this in the future, I would appreciate it if you would let me know whenever young women are going to be over at your place. Some of them can be rowdy and you might need an Officer of the Law to cuff them if they get out of hand.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Originally Posted by Mary O'Bryan Thorne

I have never in my life seen a black couple adopting a white baby - but I have seen many whites - often well-off/upper-classwhites who have adopted black babies as their own and who raise them.

Our own President Osambo is a perfect example. He was born in a slum in Kenya, but adopted by a white woman who forged a birth certificate so he could come to America. And thanks to being raised by whites, he can speak English, instead of African jive.

It's just unfortunate that Osambo's genes drove him to pal around with black terrorists like Reverend Wright and Bill Ayers.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Buford T Scoggins

It's just unfortunate that Osambo's genes drove him to pal around with black terrorists like Reverend Wright and Bill Ayers.

...and Henry Louis Gates.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Officer Don, EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!

As you know, tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend. And during my last trip to Freehold (for your bachelor party, heh heh) on 4th of July weekend I distinctly recall that there were a number of signs around town advertising "Yard Sales" and "Garage Sales."

It suddenly occurred to me, "Do these people have business licenses? Do they pay sales tax?" After all, they are competing (taking away!) business from Godly corporations such as Wal-Mart and Home Depot, so it's totally unfair if they are not being regulated and taxed. Of course, large corporations should never be taxed anyway because of all the social good they do, but that's another issue.

On 4th of July, I also remember seeing a couple of little kids operating a lemonade stand and selling Girl Scout cookies. I'll bet that they're not licensed either. I also doubt that they've passed food and safety inspections. Who's going to enforce the recall of their lemonade if it's found to be contaminated by E.Coli bacteria (as happens weekly at McDonald's, Taco Bell and KFC). And are these lemonade vendors providing public bathrooms, which Godly Pizza Hut and other fine restaurants are forced to do by guvmint bureaucrats? What's more, has anyone checked to make sure that these unsightly roadside stands aren't being staffed by illegal aliens?

Officer Don, this is a public health and safety emergency. Terrorist illegal alien lemonade/cookie pushers, unlicensed fly-by-night garage sales - all happening right in the center of God's chosen community! I hope you can initiate a crack-down/clean-up campaign to bring this severe problem under control as soon as possible.

God's speed to you,
Brother Buford

[Nobar King]

I already know this one because I had to get a license for my garage sale:

Do I need a permit to have a garage or yard sale? Any person who wants to hold a garage or yard sale must apply in person to obtain a permit prior to the event. The non-refundable permit application feeof $27.75 is payable by check, cash, or credit card. The permit is good for two consecutive days. No more than four garage or yard sales may be conducted by any person or persons upon the same property within the same calendar year. The permittee must be the resident of the property on which the garage or yard sale is to take place. Posting of signs to advertise a garage or yard sale is prohibited on public property.

The permit application form is available on the City's website. The Permits and Licenses Office is located in Room 101 at City Hall, 1700 West Glory rd. in Freehold. The office hours are 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., Monday through Thursday, and 7:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on Fridays. To speak with a staff member, please call or send an e-mail to businesslicense.web@ci.freehold.ia.us.

Most people don't get licenses, because no one checks. The real problem is the people who have the same sale week after week with the same junk that no one buys.