Happy Birthday to Me

[DolliMoans]

You all seemed to have forgot my birthday! I can't believe it. No biggie. I was trying to recall a Bible verse that explicitly (or vaguely, either way) states one cannot wear the American flag on their birthday.

I took the gamble! Celebrate my birthday and my freedom in one go - kill two birds with one stone?


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[Esther B.]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Belated Birthday, my dear Sister in Christ! My apologies for not noticing your birthday, I was helping my mom clean the house in preparation for a visit from John's parents. I hope you had a wonderful day!

[Dennis Lukes]

It is your birthday.

Another year closer to your judgment. My birthday gift to you is several pertinent scriptural verses: Exodus 28:42, 1 Timothy 2:9, Philippians 3:19, Proverbs 23:2, Proverbs 23:20-21, Romans 13:14, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. Enjoy.

[DolliMoans]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Oh the nerve!

For the record, the woman pictured in the above photo is NOT ME. (I'm sure any simpleton could tell the difference).

That is in fact, a photo of my estranged daughter, Adelaide! She must have hacked my account (I haven't been registered for rights to use of JesOS yet to thwart such breaches). Let me tell you, my wayward daughter's sole goal in life is to make me miserable and undermine my standing with the church!


She knew it was my birthday and wanted to leave me with this surprise knowing full well by the time I woke from my beauty sleep it would be too late to edit my post!


I wonder if Our Lord is testing me, having claimed so many of my spawn, but leaving Adelaide unscathed for this long! - The Real Dolleen Moans

[BibleReader2231]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Hi Miss DolliMoans! I am so happy to hear that you are well and still alive. One thing is bothering me about that picture and I don’t mean to embarrass you and I am sure you know what I am about to say. The carpet looks like it could use a good vacuuming. It distracted me so much that I didn’t notice Adelaide was in the picture. Pa always would punish me if the carpets in my home weren’t cleaned. Do you want to borrow the rug shampooer I got for Christmas?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Oh the nerve!

For the record, the woman pictured in the above photo is NOT ME. (I'm sure any simpleton could tell the difference).

That is in fact, a photo of my estranged daughter, Adelaide! She must have hacked my account (I haven't been registered for rights to use of JesOS yet to thwart such breaches)

Better watch your mouth, girl. This is a True Christian and a man you're talking to. That's clearly a picture of you back from your Jew-produced trailer park pornstar days. It doesn't seem to be your daughter compared to the picture you've already posted of her:

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

What do you call it when you have blueballs and then, without any satisfaction, you just...Don't?

[DolliMoans]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Better watch your mouth, girl. This is a True Christian and a man you're talking to. That's clearly a picture of you back from your Jew-produced trailer park pornstar days. It doesn't seem to be your daughter compared to the picture you've already posted of her:

She's since put on pounds, Mr. Lukes. She was bestowed lipo-suction money in Mr. Moans' Will, but she blew it all on a rhinoplasty and toothjob, hence, yes she would look a little bit different!

Say, if you are at all interested, I could snail mail you the discount coupon for the lipo surgeon, since she didn't use it.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

I must say I just took your first post at face value. It's difficult to believe that that's not you, but maybe it's just that the family resemblance is really strong.

Anyway, Happy Birthday for yesterday. I think cake would be inappropriate, just in case that is you!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Say, if you are at all interested, I could snail mail you the discount coupon for the lipo surgeon, since she didn't use it.

I would prefer a handwritten apology letter to make up for your earlier sass.

[Dana723]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

My goodness, what an ugly girl! Does she take after you and your late husband?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

My goodness, what an ugly girl! Does she take after you and your late husband?

Show some compassion for this methed-out trailer trash. She's trying, at least, to walk in God's light. She does need an attitude adjustment though. Did you read what she said to me? The Widow Moans sorely needs a sock in the chops and has no man to give it to her.

[DolliMoans]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

Show some compassion for this methed-out trailer trash. She's trying, at least, to walk in God's light. She does need an attitude adjustment though. Did you read what she said to me? The Widow Moans sorely needs a sock in the chops and has no man to give it to her.

Mr. Lukes, I believe you are certainly in the right and are entitled to the handwritten apology you wished for. It was my carelessness for allowing a despised daughter have ease of access to my personal account information leading to this altercation. I hope this will suffice, sir.

*Type-written too if my lady cursive is illegible

For dear Mr. Dennis Lukes
Understandably , you are very upset and concerned by what I wrote, and thus, I keep reminding myself I am just a silly female.

You are a soulful, observant Christian man and not a simpleton!

Under Our Lord's watchful gaze, and Christ's Love,

Dolli Sue-Helen Moans

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

That's a big manly thumb at the bottom, Dolli. (You can crop these things) Is it really a photo of your Adelaide's thumb?

[Basilissa]

Re: Happy Birthday to Me

1. Whatever the word is in the first line, it's not "Lukes."

2. Why do you start every line with a capital letter? Did you outsource writing of the letter to a little child?