Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Heaven is a real place described in the Bible. Heaven is talked about not less than 276 times in the New Testament alone. Scripture refers to three heavens. The apostle Paul was "caught up to the third heaven," but he was given a Divine Gag Order to keep from letting out spoilers (2 Corinthians 12:1-9).

The Apostle John was privileged to see and report on the Heavenly City (Revelation 21:10-27), and let us know that Heaven possesses the "glory of God" (Revelation 21:11). We know, for example, that because Heaven will have no night and the Lord Himself is the light, the sun and moon will become superfluous (Revelation 22:5). This of course will prove to be most fascinating for scientifically interested True Christians™ blessed to witness the birth of this new thermodynamics (Revelation 7:16; Revelation 21:23).

More importantly, we know we will be given new, immortal bodies (1 Corinthians 15:42-44; Revelation 21:4). We know we won’t require food or drink to sustain life, just righteousness and joy (Romans 14:17). We know no one will be married (Matthew 22:23-30; Galatians 3:28). Conceivable this is because marriage functions to keep horny people from sinning (1 Corinthians 7:1; 8-9), and there will be no more sin. We won’t be identified as we are here on earth (Revelation 2:17). We know we will have total amnesia (Isaiah 65:17). Even God will have amnesia (Isaiah 43:25)!

This raises the question, will I forget that I’m a woman? Will I wake up one day in Heaven with some kind of New and Improved Universal Tool dangling between my legs? Because if I have to waddle around with a floppy dong, I will be very cross. Will we all look like Barbie and Ken, with smooth, round bumps? I don’t think that’s much better. That’s weird, like androgynous LGBTQ weird.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

This raises the question, will I forget that I’m a woman?

I think you already answered your own question there, Sister.

We know we will have total amnesia (Isaiah 65:17). Even God will have amnesia (Isaiah 43:25)!

So not only will we ladies forget that we were condemned to be women in this life of pain, but God will also choose to forget and not hold our Earthly past against us! His Generosity in this, as in All His Holy Deeds, is beyond human comprehension.

As to the question of genitalia, it is not something I have ever considered before (thank you for raising it). If Our Lord does choose the Barbie/Ken option, you need have no fear of it appearing weird as you will have forgotten what normal looks like. I hope this brings you some comfort?

I do take your point about not wanting anything dangling inconveniently between your legs, though. The only benefit I can see to owning a Schwanzstucker is the convenience of being able to pee standing up, but that will be unnecessary as we will not be producing urine in Heaven (as Romans 14:17 makes clear). I can see no reason for God to bother tinkering with our genital equipment (unless He does so just because He can), as we will have forgotten what it was used for anyway.

[handmaiden]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

Hmm. . . I would kind of like to have long, slender legs. The Lord, in His Great Wisdom, knew to give me stubby, little Winnie the Pooh legs so that I would not be in danger of becoming an exotic dancer.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

Will I wake up one day in Heaven with some kind of New and Improved Universal Tool dangling between my legs? Because if I have to waddle around with a floppy dong, I will be very cross.

I think it is quite likely, Sister Mary, that you will be endowed with male parts parts (and perhaps a beard too), and the added intelligence that comes along with them.

Phil 3:21 Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.

But there is no need to worry. Jesus' glorified body was able to shapeshift, so if you don't like them, you'll probably be able to suck them back in.

Mk 16:12 After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country

Or make them disappear.

Lk 24:31 And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight.

It's just as well there will be no sex in heaven. I don't know how penetration would work if our bodies have no solid shape (or sometimes do, sometimes don't).

Jn 20:19 Then the same day at evening, being the first day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the Jews, came Jesus and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.

Even though I'm a man, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I'm sure God has thought of everything and it will work out for the best.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

You mean, God Almighty allows women into Heaven? I thought I'd get rid of my witch wife, although I suppose I still will as she'll be a gift to Satan. My mate, Murray and I have decided we'll die hand in hand. If we hang on to each other, we shouldn't get separated with all those other angel wings flapping in our faces.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

In my eyes, Heaven will be a land full of intelligent, well-built, handsome creatures that have the male form. (Think something like me, for example)


As God has told us there will be no tears in that Land, it won't matter to us anyway. The devil has put distractions like this in our minds in order to keep our eyes off the prize - an ETERNITY praising God in the highest while we cast our crowns at His Feet. I can think of no better way to spend forever, and neither can Jesus.


Well, He could, but why?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

Ah! Are you saying that Christians' reigning in Heaven is not for the purpose of ruling over others (what "others" would exist in Heaven?) but so that Jesus may be deferred to in all things?

Revelation 22:3b-6a
3b The throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it
3c And his servants shall serve him
4a And they shall see his face
4b And his name shall be in their foreheads.
5a And there shall be no night there
5b And they need no candle
5c Neither light of the sun
5d For the Lord God giveth them light
5e And they shall reign for ever and ever
6a And he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true

[Dana723]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

I did some research in my and found:

For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself. Philippians 3:20-21

I think that means that we will have bodies like Our Saviour, i.e. male bodies! If you think about it, Adam was fashioned after God's image, the MALE image. So it stands to reason that our perfect body will be the male body.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

Sister Mary, I thought I should alert you to Brother Professor Dr White's very informative thread on the subject of rear orifices: Animal with an anus that comes and goes could reveal the origins of sodomy. I have heavily edited his first post on that thread (though I recommend that you read it in full):

Was there dung before the Fall (Genesis 3:6)? Presumably not, as things were nice and clean .... The default state of man is a clean rear without an anus ... Without an anus you do not need to defecate.

Now let us think about the sole purpose of genitalia: reproduction! So, did these inconvenient dangly/bleedy bits even exist before The Fall? And, very much more to the point, would they be needed in Heaven? If you think about it, the default status of the newborn babe is Hellbound. It would be enormously inconvenient for Jesus to have His home infested with regular arrivals of the squalling UnSaved. They would obviously all have to be evicted.


(I would like to thank Brother Professor Dr White for clarifying my thinking on this matter.)

[Mustafa Jihad2]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

In Islam you not only keep your genitals. You get 72 virgins!!!

Thats a way better deal, you should think about converting

[Basilissa]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

In Islam you not only keep your genitals. You get 72 virgins!!!

Thank you for bringing this up, I actually was wondering about this, and I have four questions:

1) Is there a possibility to opt-out of virgins, in order to receive some more experienced partners, to, as they say, "spice it up" a little?

2) Is the sex of the 72 virgins specified? I know you people enjoy raping little boys (bacha bazi), so are the 72 virgins split fifty-fifty girls and boys? Or does it depend on personal preference?

3) Previous point relates to male experience in Heaven - but how about, for example, females who blow themselves up for Allah? Do they receive 72 boys? 36 boys and 36 girls? Or whatever they prefer?

4) Is the age of the virgins specified? Are they 6-year olds like Aisha? Adolescents? Young adults? Old women who were too ugly to marry? Or does it depend on personal preference?

[Mustafa Jihad2]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

Thank you for bringing this up, I actually was wondering about this, and I have four questions:

1) Is there a possibility to opt-out of virgins, in order to receive some more experienced partners, to, as they say, "spice it up" a little?

2) Is the sex of the 72 virgins specified? I know you people enjoy raping little boys (bacha bazi), so are the 72 virgins split fifty-fifty girls and boys? Or does it depend on personal preference?

3) Previous point relates to male experience in Heaven - but how about, for example, females who blow themselves up for Allah? Do they receive 72 boys? 36 boys and 36 girls? Or whatever they prefer?

4) Is the age of the virgins specified? Are they 6-year olds like Aisha? Adolescents? Young adults? Old women who were too ugly to marry? Or does it depend on personal preference?

Masha’Allah I am very grateful you ask me this questions. I will do my best to answer them. We Muslims are very proud of the promise of Jannah (Heaven).

1) in Jannah, anything you desire you can ask to Allah , insha’Allah He will give. As like I want to eat 5 full roasted cows! Allah makes the roasted cows appear and you leave your virgins aside and do whatever you want in this case eat cows. You have all eternity! Everything will be possible! Time is a producto of creation at the monent when the light was created (big bang). Jannah is outside this universe, so its not bound by time.

2) yes it is specified. 70 virgins from al Hoor (beings created in Jannah to serve, not sons of Adam) and 2 humans you were ever married to. If you are a man, you get 72 females. If you are a woman, you get 72 males. Not degeneracy or fagottry in Jannah! Thats Homosexuality the work of satan and satan will never enter Jannah!

3) if you blow yourself up, that is suicide. There is no suicide in Islam. If you blow yourself up, you go to Jahannum (Hell) and you will repeat your method of suicide for all eternity. So if you blow yourself up on Earth, you will blow yourself up in hell. Repeatedly. Forever. Like a firecracker. From hell.

"Amongst the nations before you there was a man who got a wound, and growing impatient (with its pain), he took a knife and cut his hand with it and the blood did not stop till he died. Allah said, 'My Slave hurried to bring death upon himself so I have forbidden him (to enter) Paradise.'"
(Sahih Al-Bukhari: 3463)

“Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be throwing himself down in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron will have that iron in his hand, thrusting it into his belly in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.” (Sahih Bukhari: 5778)

4) as I said Jannah is outside of this universe so its not bound ny time. Entities created in Jannah, like the virgin houris that tend the men, and the boys that look like pearls and serve the women, they were created the way they are and dont change as they are not bound by time. So age is not a concept that apply to them

And if thats not your personal preference remember they are just servants. In Jannah you can ask anything you want, like i want to punch a clone of Obama, or i want a date with a clone of Trump, then you ask for it and it appears

[Basilissa]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

1) in Jannah, anything you desire you can ask to Allah , insha’Allah He will give. As like I want to eat 5 full roasted cows! Allah makes the roasted cows appear and you leave your virgins aside and do whatever you want in this case eat cows.

I guess eternity will be the time when you will be finally able to eat bacon and pork roast, and drink all of your tequilas, wine, and beer, huh?

2) yes it is specified. 70 virgins from al Hoor (beings created in Jannah to serve, not sons of Adam) and 2 humans you were ever married to. If you are a man, you get 72 females. If you are a woman, you get 72 males. Not degeneracy or fagottry in Jannah! Thats Homosexuality the work of satan and satan will never enter Jannah!

Musty, dear, do you realize that you just pulled that answer out of your rear end (with your left hand, I presume)?

This is what your book has to say on the subject:

Surah An-Naba
78:31 Indeed, for the righteous is attainment -
78:32 Gardens and grapevines
78:33 And full-breasted [companions] of equal age
78:34 And a full cup.



So... no virgins, but if you die young, you'll have young companions, and if you die as a 90 year old, you'll be surrounded by other 90 year olds. I guess that is an incentive to die young, huh?

3) if you blow yourself up, that is suicide. There is no suicide in Islam. If you blow yourself up, you go to Jahannum (Hell) and you will repeat your method of suicide for all eternity.

I sincerely hope you'll keep spreading that message to your fellow Jihadists.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Will we have our genitals in Heaven, or will we look like Barbie and Ken dolls?

...78:33 And full-breasted [companions] of equal age...

...if you die as a 90 year old, you'll be surrounded by other 90 year olds...

Or the ages of the alleged 72 total to your same 90 years, i.e. 90/72 = 1.25 years = 1 year 3 months, and Muslim heaven is actually eternal diaper duty (Allah apologizes for any inconvenience caused by the confusion; those responsible have been sacked).