Help - my husband beat me up - what can I do?

[BelieverInGod]

I left my husband last night. I just couldn't take it anymore. So I packed up the boys and I'm staying in my brothers apartment until I get my head straightened out and figure out what to do. Last night was just the last straw.

I had made a nice Easter dinner with a glazed ham, sweet potatoes, and some side vegetables in a cheese sauce. About 6:00 I did the call for dinner, well the boys came, but no husband. We sat there waiting for half an hour and no response. So I went down to his office to see what the hell was going on. I caught him pleasuring himself while having "online chat sex". I couldn't believe it! In our own house! So I freaked out, I killed the power bar to the computer and then the fight really started, he twisted my arm, shoved me out of the room. It turned into a fist fight and I grabbed the boys and left.

My brother is going over there later today to pick up my stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do about the dogs, we can't have them at my brothers place (it's crowded enough in a one bedroom apartment with just the humans) I'm afraid he'll hurt them just to get even with me.

I don't know what to do, or where to turn. Please help.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: I left last night

Self abuse is a grave sin, and something we at the FPD have basically criminalized for all intents and purposes.

We know what the Bible says about lust and self abuse:

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)

So your husband has essentially cheated on you.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I left last night

This is terrible Sister! Me and Mrs. Cranky will pray for you.

It seems to me this sexual immorality is ground for divorce (Matthew 5:32).

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I left last night

I don't even find the sexual immorality the worst of it. It's the lack of any respect for me, the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher. A month or so ago, he twisted my arm in such a way that it is still sore.

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

I'm so upset, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back to my father, he's been placed in an old age home. I haven't worked in over 10 years, I don't even know where to start looking for a job. And if I did start working I'd have to put the older boys into public school and the youngest into daycare. Who knows what blasphemes they'll be taught there.

He has been phoning the apartment this morning, but I haven't picked up the phone. I don't know what to say or do.

[Sister Kitty]

Re: I left last night

Sister BelieverInGod, I am new here and do not wish to overstep my bounds. However, I do have some thoughts and questions.

First, clearly your husband should not be viewing pornographry and spilling his seed, he is flirting with eternal damnation by so doing. Is he Saved? If he is not, this is simple. You should not be with him.

2 Corinthians 6
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

Now, if he is Saved, then this must be the result of something you have done. Are you properly caring for his sons? Are you keeping his house and his car clean? Do you do his laundry promptly and have warm meals ready for him the moment he returns from work Do you obey his every command and hang on his every word when he tells tales of his life outside the house? Are you cold in bed? Have you let yourself go, so that he no longer finds you attractive?

These are just some of the questions you should be asking yourself right now.

I am praying for you, Sister.

[True Disciple]

Re: I left last night

I don't even find the sexual immorality the worst of it. It's the lack of any respect for me, the "corrections" that have become harsher and harsher. A month or so ago, he twisted my arm in such a way that it is still sore.

Our marriage bed had grown cold, and I thought that it was because he had lost interest in sex. Well to find him doing this proves that he's only lost interest IN ME!

I'm so upset, what am I supposed to do? I can't go back to my father, he's been placed in an old age home. I haven't worked in over 10 years, I don't even know where to start looking for a job. And if I did start working I'd have to put the older boys into public school and the youngest into daycare. Who knows what blasphemes they'll be taught there.

He has been phoning the apartment this morning, but I haven't picked up the phone. I don't know what to say or do.

Dear Sister, you are right at one thing at least. What your man was doing behind his computer definitely was sinful, and the Pastors doubtlessly will have a little chat with him.

I understand that you are quite upset, but remember, though what happens in our personal lives can be quite disturbing at times, our lives are firmly grounded in the Answer To All Problems, the Holy Bible. In the Bible, we can find numerous Passages applicable to this situation. Let's revisit a few of them.

First of all, remember that God gave the commandment of marriage before well-known commandments like "thou shalt not kill," not "thou shalt not have other gods before me," and not "thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself:"

Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Further instructions for a natural, Christian marriage are given after a woman committed the first sin in history:

Genesis 3:16:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

This is further clarified by the words of both Peter and Paul:

1 Peter 3:1:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Ephesians 5:22-24:
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

So you see, a wife should obey her husband.

Why am I bringing this up? Because it is important to consider God's opinion of the position of the woman in marriage. Nowhere in the Bible I have found any Scripture verse that would justify disobeying your husband by leaving the house without his permission.

I must respectfully disagree with Brother Cranky as well:

Matthew 5:32:
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

This passage gives permission for a man to divorce his wife when she had committed adultery. However, this does not mean that the wife has this same permission as well. In the case of divorce, it is always the man who decides whether or not to divorce his wife, it is never the wife who has to say anything about it:

Deuteronomy 24:1-2:
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

So you see, a woman is not allowed to file for divorce without permission of her husband.

While the behaviour of your husband definitely has been sinful, this does not give you permission to disobey him by leaving the house, taking the children, and ignoring his calls. By doing so, I'm sorry to say, you've committed another sin. The Bible does not allow a woman to leave her man just because he has beaten her or cheated on her. It may sound harsh, but it is God's Will.

Furthermore, I think it would be good if you read 1 Corinthians 7 again, in its entirety. I will highlight a few passages:

1 Corinthians 7:4:
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

This means that you are allowed to do anything with each other's bodies, provided it would not a sinful action. Self-flagellation, however stupid some people think it might be, is not sinful as long as you do not cut yourself, masturbate or tear down Jesus' Temple by permanently damaging it.

This means that you are allowed to hit one another, provided you do it in True Christian Love™, as numerous other Bible Passages command. Of course, in case of the woman, she may not hit her husband without his permission, as she still ought to obey both 1 Peter 3:1 and Ephesians 5:22.

So you see, the fistfight in itself was not sinful, and not a reason to leave your husband; he was just exercising his rights, as given in 1 Corinthians 7:4.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15:
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.


This is important: you are not allowed to leave your husband under any circumstances, not even if he would turn to heathendom, according to 1 Corinthians 7:13 (I am sorry, Sister Kitty, but I think those passages only apply before you get married; once you are, you are stuck with each other until death, until the unbelieving husband decides to leave himself).

1 Corinthians 7:34:
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Here you see an important commandment: You must care for how to please your husband. Feminists nowadays often try to justify their promotion of Godless divorce by claiming both "domestic abuse" and adultery are valid reasons for a woman to divorce. Of course you are not a feminist, Heaven forbid, but feminists often try to blame the husband, while forgetting the above Scripture Passage, which commands the woman to please her man.

Maybe, Sister, you should ask your husband why he preferred those vile "sex chats" over intercourse with you. It could well be that you failed to please him, which would have driven him mad and desperate, causing all these troubles; in that case, try to do better from now on.

1 Corinthians 7:39:
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Again, you are bound to your husband, because you married him. You need to return to him and try repair the damage that has been done. And please remember that the fault might well be with you. After all, the following verses teach insightful truths about women:

Proverbs 21:19:
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

Ecclesiastes 7:28:
Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.

I hope you have regained some hope because of these Godly Scripture Verses, Sister, and that everything will be alright soon! You and your husband will be in my prayers.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: I left last night

Is he Saved? If he is not, this is simple. You should not be with him.

Well I think he is, but after this I'm not sure. He was baptized and goes to church, I know that much for sure.

Now, if he is Saved, then this must be the result of something you have done. Are you properly caring for his sons? Are you keeping his house and his car clean? Do you do his laundry promptly and have warm meals ready for him the moment he returns from work Do you obey his every command and hang on his every word when he tells tales of his life outside the house? Are you cold in bed? Have you let yourself go, so that he no longer finds you attractive?

Well he's gone on the road most of the week, he usually leaves Monday afternoon and gets home Friday night, sometimes after supper.

I do everything I can for my sons, the house is not clean as it could be, what with three boys and dogs running around the place. As for HIS car, no I don't clean it, I'm not allowed to touch it. The same goes for HIS luggage. I wasn't supposed to go into his office either, but when someone ignores upteen calls for supper, how did I know he wasn't ill?

He doesn't tell me anything about what he does during the week. He says he wants to shut it out when he gets home. Cold in bed? We haven't had sex in 2 years (19 month old son + 9 months before that). I've tried to encourage him, but get called a whore when I do. If I push past that, he accuses me of attempting to "rape" him. I don't take as good of care of myself as I did when we met, but who could? I'm almost afraid of taking showers because of the damage that can be done when I'm out of the house for that little bit of time.


@ True Disciple,

I can't do it right now, I can't face him. I can handle a smack for something that I know is wrong, but how can I fix things if I don't know what's wrong? He has withdrawn over the last couple of years and I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to him since I left, my brother isn't home from work yet, so I haven't been able to talk to him.

How do I know I'm not going to get beaten if I go home? The boys are crying, they're bored. I'm afraid my husband is going to do something like shoot my dogs to get even with me. He doesn't particularly like them as they are clearly "my dogs".

I can't compete with those 'hot' women on the Internet. What am I supposed to do, get thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery? Then he'd be mad for wasting his money. I also can't help what God has done to my body over the last decade, and from what I understand it's only going to get worse.

I'm hell bound no matter what I do.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I left last night

Sister BeliverinGod,

You just can't give up on your husband like that. Jesus called you two together and it is not up to you call it off. Sure, like any human your husband has flaws. Remember this is so much better that last year with that whole Sister Athaliah incident. Remember what the pastors say; have faith in Jesus and it will all be good to in the end.

I will pray you two get back together and reestablish the union Jesus wants.

[True Disciple]

Re: I left last night

Well I think he is, but after this I'm not sure. He was baptized and goes to church, I know that much for sure.

That seems to be okay then:

Mark 16:16:
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

Cold in bed? We haven't had sex in 2 years (19 month old son + 9 months before that). I've tried to encourage him, but get called a whore when I do. If I push past that, he accuses me of attempting to "rape" him.

Did you remind him of the following scripture verse?

Genesis 9:1:
And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

It is his Manly Duty to fill the earth with Christian Soldiers. If he refuses to do that, you can just, well, let this piece of information drop in company of one of the leading Ladies of Landover, after which the Pastors will discuss this with him.

I can't do it right now, I can't face him. I can handle a smack for something that I know is wrong, but how can I fix things if I don't know what's wrong? He has withdrawn over the last couple of years and I don't know what to do. I haven't spoken to him since I left, my brother isn't home from work yet, so I haven't been able to talk to him.

Well, the Bible orders you to go back, so you should do that, whether you like it or not. After all, if we would start disobeying the Bible, what would become of us?

How do I know I'm not going to get beaten if I go home? The boys are crying, they're bored. I'm afraid my husband is going to do something like shoot my dogs to get even with me. He doesn't particularly like them as they are clearly "my dogs".

Well, there clearly is no guarantee you won't get beaten, but you shouldn't care too much about that. It is his right to beat you, as 1 Corinthians 7 teaches, and it is therefore no excuse to stay away. The same is true for the dogs, he owns you, so he owns the dogs as well. I suggest that, after the eventual beating, you try to set things right by talking to him. I think that one of the Pastors already may have visited him, so he will not be tempted into digital sin anymore, if he knows what's good for him his Salvation™.

I can't compete with those 'hot' women on the Internet. What am I supposed to do, get thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery? Then he'd be mad for wasting his money. I also can't help what God has done to my body over the last decade, and from what I understand it's only going to get worse.

All of this shouldn't be necessary. You are his wife, and there is no Biblical teachings as to how exactly you should look, beside modest. If you want to know what you really need to do to become a good True Christian™ Housewife once again, consider this:

Proverbs 31:10-31:
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

The Lord provided us with crystal clear instructions about how women should behave in the above Passages. Isn't He wonderful?

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

Was this the first time you caught him? Have you ever though of him doing such a thing? Has he been avoiding you for a while?

@True Disciple : I see where you are coming from, and bringing that passage along is perfectly fine. And if it was the first time then yes, for the love of god don't leave him. Talk it out let him explain. (I do believe that you are right, but there have to be boundaries)

Now having said that.Make sure what exactly he was doing it too. There are two different ways of looking at this. If he was masturbating to lets say a Video then it's a minor problem that can be fixed. Now if he had found another person online to share sexual pleasures with, then yes that will be bad and not easily fixed. Has he been making you feel worthless in the last couple of month/weeks. If so have you suspected anything at all? Things like this may help us to help you (you don't have to like me, but those things can definitely help)

Please guys don't attack me over this. I am not justifying that the Video part is good or less evil. It's just a huge difference. Video is just an image..a person well is another person.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I left last night

Sister, I'm wondering what you've done to drive your husband into the arms of self-abuse. In my experience as a True Christian(tm) pastor, it's always the wife's fault when these things happen.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

Pastor, I am greatly sorry but you are completely wrong on that one. Men are not always right. And you know it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I left last night

Pastor, I am greatly sorry but you are completely wrong on that one. Men are not always right. And you know it.

No one asked for your unsaved opinion, harlot.

[Nutella88]

Re: I left last night

Let me see this in a nicer way then.

I do not agree with Pastor Ezekiel, he may be a smart man. But there are things that a Woman simply has no control over. And that is the way men are.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: I left last night

But there are things that a Woman simply has no control over. And that is the way men are.

Um, okay. Why are you stating obvious things?