[Captain_Malfunction]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I say you spank him like the monkey he is becoming. After all we all came from monkeys and if he wants to enjoy his primal instincts then you need to spank that monkey!

[Zechariah Smyth]

I say you spank him like the monkey he is becoming. After all we all came from monkeys and if he wants to enjoy his primal instincts then you need to spank that monkey!

I didn't come from some Godforsaken monkey.

[Captain_Malfunction]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

I didn't come from some Godforsaken monkey.

According to the Book of Urantia we all did, but it is ok because we still have a part of God within us. :-)

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Oh, you're still clinging to your urine book.

Good luck with that.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

According to the Book of Urantia we all did, but it is ok because we still have a part of God within us. :-)

Oh, well if you say so.

[Captain_Malfunction]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Oh, you're still clinging to your Urantia (corrected because you misspelled it by accident) book.

Good luck with that.

Thank you for the support! It is always good to see that people are willing to help out those who have God and nearly a century of Urantian theology on their side. God Bless.

[viakaije]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Yesterday my wife was cooking dinner as usual. When the dinner was ready I went to call my younger son but when I opened the door he sat naked on his bed masturbating over a pornographic magazine! Of course I gave him a hard beating and made him pray to the LORD until bedtime. Me and my wife are in shock, I have beaten my sons all their lives but sometimes they don't seem to understand the will of God. I am very concerned about this and I simply don't know what to do. I have always given them a daily spanking before bedtime but I feel like they need more beatings so they can seriously feel God's anger. Should I beat them more often or is there a better way to make them understand?

If I ever caught my son masturbating, I would be the proudest dad on the world. There is no more comfortable and healthier thing to do on the world. It's so natural and comfortable that I could do it the whole enternity.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

If I ever caught my son masturbating, I would be the proudest dad on the world. There is no more comfortable and healthier thing to do on the world. It's so natural and comfortable that I could do it the whole enternity.

Truly spoken like someone who doesn't have a son.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[ScienceFACTion]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Yesterday my wife was cooking dinner as usual. When the dinner was ready I went to call my younger son but when I opened the door he sat naked on his bed masturbating over a pornographic magazine! Of course I gave him a hard beating and made him pray to the LORD until bedtime. Me and my wife are in shock, I have beaten my sons all their lives but sometimes they don't seem to understand the will of God. I am very concerned about this and I simply don't know what to do. I have always given them a daily spanking before bedtime but I feel like they need more beatings so they can seriously feel God's anger. Should I beat them more often or is there a better way to make them understand?

If I didn't know any better about Christians (religious people in general, but more so Christians) being absolutely crazy, I would start to doubt the validity of your post and suspect you to be a troll....

[ScienceFACTion]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

If it is natural why should he need instruction?

The post you quoted said instructed how to teach women, not his penis. He clearly knows how to do that already (;

[LBC loving Dutchmen]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

The post you quoted said instructed how to teach women, not his penis. He clearly knows how to do that already (;

Unfortunately he seems to do. He is bound for hell at the moment. He should repent and become an ex-masturbator.

[Obama eats babies]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Help needed.
I found my son in the bathroom with nothing else apart from his sisters knickers.
I need to find a way to punish him, will Jesus allow me to make him wear his sisters knickers ( with the satan white stain) on his head till December or should I resort to taking away his replica machete?

Thanks.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Help needed.
I found my son in the bathroom with nothing else apart from his sisters knickers.
I need to find a way to punish him, will Jesus allow me to make him wear his sisters knickers ( with the satan white stain) on his head till December or should I resort to taking away his replica machete?

Thanks.

What's wrong with beating him with a rod?

[Didymus Much]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Help needed.
I found my son in the bathroom...

Help needed.

Boring trolls keep posting boring implausible scenarios involving non-existent friends and family members (even offspring, as if they're non-virgins or something lol) and asking True Christians™ to waste their time giving advice (that will most assuredly be ignored) even though trolls in question haven't been arsed to get their boring uninformed asses over to the Introductions Forum despite being politely asked to.

Thanks.

[Thomas Dalton]

Re: Caught my son masturbating, what should I do?

Help needed.
I found my son in the bathroom with nothing else apart from his sisters knickers.
I need to find a way to punish him, will Jesus allow me to make him wear his sisters knickers ( with the satan white stain) on his head till December or should I resort to taking away his replica machete?

Thanks.

Deuteronomy 22:5: The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

You either are a failed troll as mr. Much says (even though I loath to agree with an atheist like him) or you didn't read your Bible enough if you still have to ask for such obvious advice.

In both cases, you can get one advice from me, read the Bible! It may save you from eternal hellfire and/or anal rape by demons!