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May Jesus have mercy on your soul and open your cold heart to His Love before you die and go to Hell forever.
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Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Warmest greetings, Roland, as Satan will say to you in due course unless you see God's Holy Light. You seem like a well-meaning sort of fellow. I will pray for you.
Jeremiah 33:3 Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!! -
Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Mr. Roland,
You are in great Peril! Jesus will return very soon and your fate will be a most unpleasant one unless you Repent.
In fact, as a member of the Spaghetti Cult, your favorite is meat is presumably cooked pasta with meatballs. God is warning you against this kind or worship as I write this message to you.
Isaiah 22:18
He will surely violently turn and toss thee like a ball into a large country: there shalt thou die, and there the chariots of thy glory shall be the shame of thy lord's house.
Here you can see Jesus surrounded by these monstrosities. You are a polite fellow. Please accept Jesus NOW!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:- Hitler is Alive!
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Roland,
I have a table reserved in Heaven at the marriage supper of the Lamb. I will enjoy seeing many people burn from that vantage point as we all point and laugh at them. However, it would be wonderful if you were enjoying a nice bowl of spaghetti and meat balls with me at that supper instead of running around in that pit of burning sulfur, begging for mercy when there will be none.
Jesus died for YOU, friend. His salvation is always al dente and never gets cold. Won't you please turn to Him before it's too late? I wish you a very happy birthday, but there's nothing to celebrate when the judgment of God is upon you.
COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry (Rev. 22:12)Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”
Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.Amen and AmenComment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Roland, you are one of the least objectionable hell-bound sinners that I have encountered here at Landover Baptist.
It is possible that I will experience some mild regret when you are writhing in intolerable agony from unending fire roasting your body.
Do please consider accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior and devoting your every waking thought to obeying Him and all His commandments. If nothing else, it will ease my mind and open up a slot on my prayer-roster.
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy.gif "Gunsmilie(1)")
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
A Happy Birthday to you and I pray daily that the Lord will lead you to salvation ere you are bid to leap into the blazing Lake of Fire.God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Thank you all for you well-wishes. Yesterday I got more than a bit drunk , so I´m recovering from a substantial hangover.
Jeremiah 6:21 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will lay stumblingblocks before this people, and the fathers and the sons together shall fall upon them; the neighbour and his friend shall perish.
Best wishes for the people in Ukraine.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
I am enjoying your birthday spliff even as we speak. Happy Birthday to you and many happy returns of the day!
Jah Guide
TrevorSing unto God, sing praises to his name: Extol him that rideth upon the heavens By his name JAH, and rejoice before him.-Psalms 68:4Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
Dear Roland,Originally posted by Roland View PostThank you all for you well-wishes. Yesterday I got more than a bit drunk , so I´m recovering from a substantial hangover.
I was going to bake you something, but hearing that I decided not to. Instead, I will spend that time praying for you. I hope you'll appreciate that.
God created fossils to test our faith.
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My favorite LBC sermons:
True Christians are Perfect!
True Christian™ Love.
Salvation™ made Easy!
You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
God HATES Rational Thinking!
True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
I will congratulate you as soon as I get that axe that you borrowed back!5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
- Protect your family the Christian way! Get your daughter raped!
- Only Sluts Get Raped! (1st Timothy 2:9)
- Down syndrome is a lifestyle choice!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."Comment
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROLAND!
1Pe:4:1: Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;Originally posted by Roland View PostThank you all for you well-wishes. Yesterday I got more than a bit drunk , so I´m recovering from a substantial hangover.
1Pe:4:2: That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
1Pe:4:3: For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:
Clearly it was not a "happy" birthday, at all, and you are now one year closer to discovering your mistake in refusing to worship Christ your Redeemer.
My prayers are with you.
(Ignore Ec:9:7: Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works. The meaning of this verse is far too advanced for you to understand it.)
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Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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