[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people they were slaves before drug dealers.

A Democrat with an enlarged tallywhacker (probably looking at pictures of Hillary Clinton) runs into a wall, what breaks first? His nose.

How many genders are there? One: Men. Women are property.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why is it impossible to be in a lesbian relationship?
Because properties can't own each other

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

How do four gay queers fit on a single bar stool?

They flip it upside down.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

How long does it take a negress to have a bowel movement?

9 months.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why are the followers of the con-artist Joseph Smith called "Mormons?"

Because he misspelled "m-o-r-o-n-s"

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes



On the contrary, it had great memory, Women are still being punished for Eve's sin to this day!

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What do prostitutes get when they rupture their livers?

A whore-gan transplant.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I heard a good one ‘live’ from Pastor Zeke himself. The other day Pastor Zeke was debating and defeating a scientist live on TV:

Pastor Zeke said “A scientist is like a blind man in a darkened room looking for a black cat that isn’t there”.
Insolently, the scientist came back with “That’s right, and if he were a pastor, he’d find it.”

As the debate was being held in the main auditorium at Landover, there were only hisses at the disrespect shown by the servant of Satan and Big Pharma, but Pastor Zeke, like a gentleman raised his hand and added...

“That’s because God works miracles through us every day.”

I thought that was absolutely perfect.

_______________________________________________

As I drove home, I was thinking of such things and I remembered, as you will, a riddle from the 1990s:

A man and his son are driving in a car one day, when they get into a fatal accident. The man is killed instantly but the boy, although unconscious, is still alive. He is rushed to hospital, and will need immediate surgery. The doctor enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”. How is this possible?

Now at the time, I thought that this was a simple misprint –it should be “The doctor nurse enters the emergency room, looks at the boy, and says, “I can’t treat this boy, he is my son”.

Often, those who asked the riddle claimed, quite wrongly, that it showed, in some way, that people didn’t think women were really capable of being doctors. (Well, of course they're not that's why they are nurses!)

Well that’s all liberal hogwash – I now realise that, in this riddle, the “doctor” was indeed a “doctor” and this was an allusion to the homosexual agenda! The clear statement is that the dead father and the doctor were a practising pair of abominations who were holding a child hostage – we can only hope that the poor child was taken into Jesus’s Arms rather than he were left to the tender mercies of some “gay”.

Now, the “riddle” had been designed to look as if it were a feminazi trap for the unwary! – I hope you see that it is far darker.

This riddle is now banned in Landover.

[Pim Pendergast]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A real Dad joke:

Q: How do we know the woman at the well was fat?


A: Because the Bible tells us she was a woman of Samaria (some area).

[Isabella White]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A young Jewish man walks into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife size 34 B."
With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated, "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted."
"Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the differences?"
The saleslady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute and said: "Hmm. I know I'll regret asking, but what does the Jewish bra do?"
"Ah, the Jewish bra," she replied "makes mountains out of molehills.

[Jim C. Lombardo]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

One day at St. Mary's - Father Ray Piste went off to the confession booth where he had cut a hole in the side to fulfill a sinful purpose. He went there every day, and there'd always be an altar boy on the other side to attend to his dirty need. Today, he entered as usual, knocked on the side to signify his presence, and inserted himself through the little hole. In a moment, he felt the soft suckle on the other side, and closed his eyes to drift off to bliss. Suddenly, he heard a voice, that was not of a child.


"Father Ray, is that you!?" It said.


Father Ray snapped to attention in horror. "Archbishop Homer?" He cried, "Oh Jesus, no! How did you know it was me?"


The Archbishop answered;

"I thought it tasted familiar when I was kissing altar boy Billy earlier."

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Brother Jim, that joke is very inappropriate for a family forum!

In the future, please censor any instances of sinners taking the Lord's name in vain (Exodus 20:7), like that faggot priest does in your otherwise funny joke.

[DolliMoans]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

This isn't totally clean at all but...

Q: Why did the lady cut her date's ballsack open?


A: To get the ball rolling!

[Dana723]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

This isn't totally clean at all but...

Q: Why did the lady cut her date's ballsack open?


A: To get the ball rolling!

Well, if the zipper is stuck, how else with you open it? My husband has a beautiful leather ballsack for his balls. It can hold up to bowling ball sizes, but since it's mostly empty now, it's shrunk quite a bit. I used to keep it clean and polished, but over the years it's become worn out and wrinkled. It's mostly for decoration now.

[DolliMoans]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Good point Dana! Leather eventually becomes tough and cracked over time!



Now for today's:


Husband: Hey honey, what are the little things you notice about me?


Wife: Your dickie, to start.