X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • LordHaveMercy
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Oct 2010
    • 171

    #1

    The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

    My Brothers, I am posting right now with a heavy, heavy heart. My Church, the Third Baptist Church of my town, has burned to the ground, and has been destroyed entirely by the fire. I am covered in soot and sweat, and have come home to be tended to by my wife, and to share this sad news.


    The building was fairly new, what with having been built only last year, to replace the Second Baptist Church, which had sank into the ground unexpectedly after heavy rains. It was a beautiful, white structure, designed to sit two hundred souls or so, and had been the very center of the existence for a lot of us in the congregation. In fact, it was probably the result of the Lady's Auxiliary Bean and Pie bake-off that might have started it, as most of the ladies were in the basement preparing for the event, and that is where the fire started, according to the volunteer fire department.


    Fortunately, no White people were hurt, all the ladies got out in time, though they had to leave their cookware behind, which was, of course, tragically lost in the fire. Some of that cookware had been heirloom items, and will be sorely missed, and we give our condolences for those lost items. Also, some housekeeping and maintenance staff may or may not have perished in the blaze, we really don't keep track of how many there are, and it may mean some paperwork.


    However, in Jesus' name, we will carry on, knowing that Our Lord watches over us always, even as we let the ruins cool in order to begin cleanup, and as we start planning for the Fourth Baptist Church, the Dear Lord willing. Thanks to Pastor John's foresight and Lord's guidance, our tithing structure ensures that a new Church can be built with little delay. It often hurts to give almost 74% of what we earn, but it brings us closer to the Lord, knowing we are doing His work, especially in cases like this. In the past, Pastor John has overseen the new construction via email and teleconferencing from his small Pastorship in the Barbados islands, while we actually do the hands-on work, which is a lot simpler and easier. God Bless Pastor John and his Lord's guidance!


    Yours in The Lord's name,
    LHM
    He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore. 2 Samuel 22:51
    God, Guns and BBQ make AMERICA great!
  • Ezekiel Bathfire
    Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
    Christ's Rottweiler
     
    • Jan 2008
    • 22888

    #2
    Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

    Three in a row… There’s someone in your congregation who shouldn’t be there, a bastard may be, someone with a crook back or a flat nose or has a woman spoken in the church? The Lord does not like such things and seems to be giving subtle hints that the matter needs to be addressed.

    I take it that the insurance will cover everything as it has on previous occasions?
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

    Comment

    • Talitha
      Deaconess
      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
      True Christian™
      • Apr 2026
      • 15118

      #3
      Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

      Maybe they just aren't Praying enough?

      Does the congregation make suitable Loving Donations to the Church?
      Baby Jesus always needs new shoes and I can only imagine how angry God would be.

      Sister Talitha

      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



      Comment

      • Jo Freddie
        Unsaved trash
        Hateful God mocking pirate
        • Apr 2009
        • 6339

        #4
        Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

        Anyone got any marshmallows?
        Posted via Pasta

        True Pastafarian™

        May my Sauce be with you!
        Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
        Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
        The Loose Canon - HTML version
        Loose Canon Fan Page
        North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
        I have been to The Volcano!

        Comment

        • Didymus Much
          Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
          • Jun 2010
          • 14079

          #5
          Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

          Originally posted by LordHaveMercy View Post
          ...having been built only last year, to replace the Second Baptist Church, which had sank into the ground unexpectedly after heavy rains...
          Ok, I'll bite. What happened to First Baptist Church?

          Comment

          • LordHaveMercy
            Forum Member
            Forum Member
            • Oct 2010
            • 171

            #6
            Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

            Originally posted by Didymus Much View Post
            Ok, I'll bite. What happened to First Baptist Church?

            Now is NOT the time, Godmocker.
            He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore. 2 Samuel 22:51
            God, Guns and BBQ make AMERICA great!

            Comment

            • Jo Freddie
              Unsaved trash
              Hateful God mocking pirate
              • Apr 2009
              • 6339

              #7
              Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

              Originally posted by LordHaveMercy View Post
              Now is NOT the time, Godmocker.
              Oh I think it is the time, history is VERY important, and maybe if we understand what happened to ALL 3 Churches someone can advise you how to make sure it does not happen again.
              Posted via Pasta

              True Pastafarian™

              May my Sauce be with you!
              Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
              Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
              The Loose Canon - HTML version
              Loose Canon Fan Page
              North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
              I have been to The Volcano!

              Comment

              • Lycia The Repentant
                Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord
                Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
                True Christian™
                • Sep 2010
                • 2019

                #8
                Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                Oh I think it is the time, history is VERY important, and maybe if we understand what happened to ALL 3 Churches someone can advise you how to make sure it does not happen again.
                As if he needs advice from heathens and Godmockers such as yourself, ravioli-raider.

                Mr. LHM, I will be praying that your church is rebuilt soon and no such tragedy befalls The Fourth Baptist Church.
                "Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

                An Important Reminder for all unSaved© Ladies
                Protect Yourself! Important Information about Demons
                My five Six Step Guide to Stopping Your Miserable Harlotry!
                Do you hate fornication? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League and help stop it today!
                An Open Question to All false christians.

                Comment

                • Jo Freddie
                  Unsaved trash
                  Hateful God mocking pirate
                  • Apr 2009
                  • 6339

                  #9
                  Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                  Originally posted by Lycra The Repentant View Post
                  As if he needs advice from heathens and Godmockers such as yourself, ravioli-raider.
                  Read what I said Lycra, I was not saying I would necessarily give the advice, but once all the history is explained then someone may be able to give that advice, but that is not possible without knowing the fate of all 3 churches.

                  Originally posted by Lycra The Repentant View Post
                  Mr. LHM, I will be praying that your church is rebuilt soon and no such tragedy befalls The Fourth Baptist Church.
                  It could well go the way of the first one if they do not learn from history.
                  Posted via Pasta

                  True Pastafarian™

                  May my Sauce be with you!
                  Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
                  Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
                  The Loose Canon - HTML version
                  Loose Canon Fan Page
                  North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
                  I have been to The Volcano!

                  Comment

                  • David Rothstein
                    Unsaved trash, Christ-killing joo
                    • Sep 2010
                    • 95

                    #10
                    Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                    A shame indeed.

                    I would suggest that you build your next church of concrete and brick as Yahweh is surely raining fire on your congregation for a reason.

                    As Baptists are given to excess in worship, I am certain you will want a 5000 seat auditorium with Jumbotrons and THX surround sound? But you simply do not have the capital?

                    I am pleased to announce that Rothstein and Associates is willing to extend attractive financing at a reasonable interest rate (on approved credit). We recently completed several profitable transactions in Antwerp and Zurich and need to keep our money at work earning a suitable return on investment.

                    Please contact me at your earliest convenience to arrange a suitable agreement.

                    Shalom
                    Acts 14:2 But the unbelieving Jews stirred up the Gentiles, and made their minds evil affected against the brethren.

                    Comment

                    • Titus Templeton
                      Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
                      Jesus macht frei
                      True Christian™
                      • Aug 2010
                      • 5912

                      #11
                      Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                      Are there Muslims who live near your church?
                      -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
                      -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
                      -Holocaust Jokes
                      -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
                      -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
                      -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
                      -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
                      -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

                      Comment

                      • Seth Campbell
                        Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
                        True Christian™
                        • Apr 2010
                        • 1565

                        #12
                        Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                        Originally posted by David Rothstein View Post
                        A shame indeed.

                        I would suggest that you build your next church of concrete and brick as Yahweh is surely raining fire on your congregation for a reason.

                        As Baptists are given to excess in worship, I am certain you will want a 5000 seat auditorium with Jumbotrons and THX surround sound? But you simply do not have the capital?

                        I am pleased to announce that Rothstein and Associates is willing to extend attractive financing at a reasonable interest rate (on approved credit). We recently completed several profitable transactions in Antwerp and Zurich and need to keep our money at work earning a suitable return on investment.

                        Please contact me at your earliest convenience to arrange a suitable agreement.

                        Shalom
                        Uh-huh....

                        So where exactly were you when this church burning took place?
                        PROOF: Atheists are too stupid to understand the Bible!

                        Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

                        Galatians 4:16 Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

                        Comment

                        • James R Miller
                          Unsaved trash
                          • Oct 2010
                          • 58

                          #13
                          Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                          Originally posted by LordHaveMercy View Post
                          Fortunately, no White people were hurt
                          That's just racist.

                          Comment

                          • James R Miller
                            Unsaved trash
                            • Oct 2010
                            • 58

                            #14
                            Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                            Instead of giving me a warning, why don't you give me scripture proving that racial discrimination is okay?

                            Comment

                            • Vivicide
                              Unsaved trash
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 3

                              #15
                              Re: The Third Baptist Church has burned down!

                              I think I speak for every sane person that happens upon this..... THANK GOD!!! hahahahahahahahahahaha just kidding, There is no God. FOOLS!!

                              Comment

                              Working...