[Felicity]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

@all I cannot imagine anyone saying anything but nice things about Pastor Ezekiel.

[Aristotle]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

So this explains the mysterious slant I've seen wandering around outside your house dressed in some kind of blanket and wearing sandals.
If I hadn't seen a bald head I would have taken him for the second coming of Our Lord Jesus.

My business affairs are certainly NOT anything to do with Dom anything.

As every Pastor knows who has been through my doors, I merely offer Executive stress relief to the hard working men of our community.
The fact that I have a historical collecton of Whips, Chains and other ephemera is neither here nor there.
A Girl needs a hobby after all.

I take it, Pastor Ezekiel (I cannot say what I usually call you) that you will be cancelling your next appointment?

I, for one, will not let rumour-mongerers (who are probably secretly Obama supporting muslim atheist liberals anyway) hurt the reputation of Sister Talitha. I have personally conducted certain physical-biological experiments with her where the use of her instruments helped to advance the knowledge base of Creation Science. The relief of stress was secondary to this scientific advancement but greatly appreciated nevertheless.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

So Zeke,

Since you have nothing to hide do you want to tell the rest of the the world what you told use this morning? I am sure there are many people still unclear as to why a Christian pastor was standing in a waterfall at 6:00am doing meditation to "align his charkas" and while wearing an aunk.

Were all ears Zeke. I mean considering it was only six months ago you were telling us meditation is Satan's forplay to get you to relax your behind before prodding.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

I have good news, everybody!

A friend of mine who lives in Freehold (he frequents this forum, but has for some reason asked I not share his name, so we will call him Rev. X) and I are both playing Foursquare. It's a game using your cellphone to track your location, and you can "claim" areas as yours if you go there more often than other people.

I saw yesterday Rev. X was at Zeke's estate for two hours. So naturally I asked him what all was going on there.

It seems that Zeke did indeed build a 5,000-square-foot addition and bring in a number of Thai boys. He convinced them to leave Thailand's brothels and come to the US by telling them he was building them a monastery.

Zeke is a very clever man!

Now that the boys are here, Zeke allows Godly Christian men to witness to the boys one-on-one, showing them the Love of Jesus! Zeke requests a small donation ($500/hour) in exchange for this opportunity for a man to show off his witnessing prowess; to aid in the competition, Zeke is putting half of the donations into a "jackpot" for the man who converts the most boys! The other half will be used to bring over additional boys as the current crop converts and moves back to Thailand to spread the Love of Jesus there.

Rev. X tells me the men of Freehold (and from other states, even) are lining up around the block to demonstrate their skills, and that you can hear their calls to God and Jesus halfway down the driveway!

So you see, all these filthy lies about Zeke becoming a Buddhist are just ridiculous; they don't explain the evidence at all! He's trying to save the souls of Thai male prostitutes by building them a fake monastery, playing as though he's Buddhist too, and having them witnessed to repeatedly by scores of Christian men until they wear out down, convert, and are sent back to Thailand to spread the Good Word.

You gossip mongers should be ashamed!

you do know you can be a Buddhist AND a Christian right?
While Christianity is a religion, Buddhism is more along the lines of a 'way of life.'
buddhism for the most part just teaches you to be a good person and not be materialistic. thats it. no worshiping idols or anything. it technically isint a religion.

So, apparently you know nothing of Buddhism.

Most scholars divide the different types of Buddhism into three sections. The first of these is Southern Buddhism, or Theraveda Buddhism. The word Theraveda is a word in the Pali language (thought to be spoken by the Buddha) that means “the Doctrine of the Elders”. The biggest aim in the Theraveda practice is to use meditation to train the mind, and to encourage freedom of the mind from suffering. This freedom from suffering will allow you to reach the greatest spiritual goal – Nirvana. Theraveda Buddhism is the only surviving school from the earliest years of Buddhism, and it is mostly practiced today in Sri Lanka, Laos and Cambodia.

In other words, atheism with some meditation - MR

The second type of Buddhism that is mentioned is Eastern Buddhism, also known as Mahayana Buddhism. This sect not only teaches the Pali Canon (which is the religious text of Theraveda Buddhism) but also includes additional texts and beliefs. In order to reach Nirvana, Mahayana Buddhists believe that a person must practice universal compassion, which is the altruistic quest of the Bodhisattva to attain the “Awakened Mind” of Buddhahood. Mahayana Buddhism also has a level of mysticism involved. This type of Buddhism is practiced in China, Korea and Japan, as well as parts of other Asian countries.

In other words, meditation and witchcraft. -MR

The third of the different types of Buddhism is Northern or Tibetan Buddhism. Tibetan Buddhism is also considered to be a type of Mahayana Buddhism, but it also embraces other teachings, texts and practices that are not seen in the Eastern type of Mahayana Buddhism. Tibetan Buddhism is also sometimes called Tantric Buddhism or Vajrayana. This type of Buddhism uses both the Mahayana and Theraveda scriptures, as well as a number of Buddhist Tantras – all of which are aimed at attaining Buddhahood in just one lifetime instead of requiring many reincarnations.

A little bit of research into Tibetan Buddhism will show you their pantheon of bizarre and terrifying demons, which they worship. Are you into worshipping demons? Because that's what Buddhists do.

Tell me, do you believe in Karma?

What is Karma?

Karma is the law that every cause has an effect, i.e., our actions have results. This simple law explains a number of things: inequality in the world, why some are born handicapped and some gifted, why some live only a short life. Karma underlines the importance of all individuals being responsible for their past and present actions. How can we test the karmic effect of our actions? The answer is summed up by looking at (1) the intention behind the action, (2) effects of the action on oneself, and (3) the effects on others.

According to Karma, people who are born blind or retarded DESERVE IT. Poor people DESERVE IT. Aren't you one of the people who calls us evil for saying exactly that?

Wow. I had to see it to believe it...

Pastor Zeke becoming spiritual?

Wait till the girls hear this...

You're going to tell your dirty pillows the lies about Zeke? Why haven't they heard the rumors already?

Let me guess . . . thanks to your decades of "bra-burning", the "girls" now drag on the ground?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

So Zeke,

Since you have nothing to hide do you want to tell the rest of the the world what you told use this morning? I am sure there are many people still unclear as to why a Christian pastor was standing in a waterfall at 6:00am doing meditation to "align his charkas" and while wearing an aunk.

Were all ears Zeke. I mean considering it was only six months ago you were telling us meditation is Satan's forplay to get you to relax your behind before prodding.

I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better.You have no idea what we True Christian(tm) pastors have to endure.

And since when are you spying on me taking a shower in my imported ice-cold Japanese Zen waterfall, BJ?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better.You have no idea what we True Christian™ pastors have to endure.

And since when are you spying on me taking a shower in my imported ice-cold Japanese Zen waterfall, BJ?

erm? Don't you remember: Rev Osborne asked the Security Detachment to video monitor all the backyards in Freehold for immoral behavior. Women were rumored to be polluting themselves while sunbathing, pastors were concerned and Obsorne was to review all the videos of women sunbathing. Don't you remember this Pastor Zeke? Rev Osborne told my you authorized it.

[Luci Mourningstar]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

I was taking a cold shower after having spent the night viewing lezbeanic porno in order to understand satan's wiles all the better. You have no idea what we True Christian™ pastors have to endure.

You are true man of God, and I am so grateful you found your calling.


Can you tell us more about the results, Pastor Zeke? Was it painful to watch?
How long did you last before you needed to cleanse and purify yourself with a cold shower?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

erm? Don't you remember: Rev Osborne asked the Security Detachment to video monitor all the backyards in Freehold for immoral behavior. Women were rumored to be polluting themselves while sunbathing, pastors were concerned and Obsorne was to review all the videos of women sunbathing. Don't you remember this Pastor Zeke? Rev Osborne told my you authorized it.

Ozzy ordered that? Why that bloated old has-been....


Brother BJ, I want the surveillance OFF MY ESTATE within 24 hours! I'm off to Katmandu to see my guru Buddhist art dealer.

[Levi Jones]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Zeke, you've gone too far this time. There's no way we're hanging this up in the ministry staff conference room.



Edit: I just got a call from Amy. She said we just had one of these abominations delivered to the house?!!

[Logan]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Certainly this is explainable.
Pastor.jpg

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Zeke, you've gone too far this time. There's no way we're hanging this up in the ministry staff conference room.

Why does Zeke have a circular saw blade in his belly?

Is that representing his cutting wit, used in spreading the Love of Jesus?

[Levi Jones]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Why does Zeke have a circular saw blade in his belly?

Is that representing his cutting wit, used in spreading the Love of Jesus?

I don't know, Revered, but I would be expecting your copy in a couple of days.

The guy's ego is out of control.

[True Disciple]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Does anyone of you know what happened this afternoon? I thought I heard a cow bellowing during maybe a particularly problematic delivery, but it turned out to come from the estate of Pastor Zeke.

I then realized that it sounded unsettlingly much like the demon-summoning chants of a certain false religion:

Did you hear it as well? What could it have been?

[Felicity]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

@many I don't think anyone should be mean to Pastor Ezekiel. He is the best Pastor there is!

[James Dewitt]

Re: All The Nasty Rumors About Pastor Ezekiel (me)

Pastor Zeke, maybe it time to get a body guard.Looks like there are a few heathens that have it in for you, like Cassandra?