[HTannor]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Brother Billy;

I am not trying to intrude on a true artist's inspiration; but do you think you could whip something up about God's instruction's to smash babies head's on rocks?

A Godly suggestion, Brother Deaner, however, I'm wondering if Brother Billy Bob may want to "ease" into that so as to not offend those with more sensitive feelings.

And here I'm thinking a nice follow-up to the title track might be "It's Okay to Beat Your Wife."

Then I'm thinking a logical next "cut" might be "You Really Need to Pop Your Daughter's Cherry So She Won't Be a Disappointment to Her Future Husband."

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

A suggestion:

She-bear

A wholesome parable. A metaphor for what?

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

A Godly suggestion, Brother Deaner, however, I'm wondering if Brother Billy Bob may want to "ease" into that so as to not offend those with more sensitive feelings.

And here I'm thinking a nice follow-up to the title track might be "It's Okay to Beat Your Wife."

Then I'm thinking a logical next "cut" might be "You Really Need to Pop Your Daughter's Cherry So She Won't Be a Disappointment to Her Future Husband."

Too late, Brother!

[HTannor]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Too late, Brother!

Oh, darn, Brother Billy Bob, I guess I missed those toe-tappers dealing with wife-beating and cherry-popping. Sorry.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Oh, darn, Brother Billy Bob, I guess I missed those toe-tappers dealing with wife-beating and cherry-popping. Sorry.

Oh, not at all, Your Honor. I think I will do one on beating one's wife soon, though, since that is my specialty.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

And here I'm thinking a nice follow-up to the title track might be "It's Okay to Beat Your Wife."

This one's for you, Brother.

50 Shekels by Billy Bob Jenkins, © 2011

The Lord says in Ephesians that man is as God to his wife
so that makes it his privilege to take her relatively worthless life
1 Timothy 2:12 says she should remain in silence
so if she should sass off, let there be domestic violence

Don't let her use the internet, womenfolk should be in the kitchen
she'll jump when you say jump, if she truly is a Christian
If she should roll her eye Christ said pluck it out
her soul hangs in the balance, so punish her if she has doubts

If she does not lay down, when you demand affection
raise you dominant hand up high, wielding the Rod of Correction
If she is unclean, don't let her come inside
but she still retains some value, 50 shekels for a bride

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Brother, your golden tones are pleasing to the Lord.

I wonder if you've got something we could use for a sing-along with the kids in Sunday School on 2 Kings 2:23 and 24. I love teaching that Bible story.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

For those who have been clamoring for 2 Kings:

A suggestion:

She-bear

A wholesome parable. A metaphor for what?

Brother, your golden tones are pleasing to the Lord.

I wonder if you've got something we could use for a sing-along with the kids in Sunday School on 2 Kings 2:23 and 24. I love teaching that Bible story.

The Bible Ain't No Gosh Darned Metaphor by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

When Elisha was down in Bethel
some kids made fun of his bald head
so the Lord mustered up two she-bears
and they ate them up forty two dead

Chorus:
That ain't no gosh darned metaphor
that ain't no allegory
the Bible ain't no gosh darned salad bar
if you think so you're God's enemy

If your son is stubborn and rebellious
stone him with stones until he dies
if he should disobey his mother
let the birds eat out his eyes

repeat Chorus

If you do not serve God with joyfulness
He will make you eat your young
even if you are His prophet
He just might make you cook with dung

repeat Chorus



Is that chord progression ripped off from somewhere?

Who cares. The Lord commanded me to write it.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

It's like an angel itself descended.

[HTannor]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

This one's for you, Brother.

50 Shekels by Billy Bob Jenkins, © 2011

The Lord says in Ephesians that man is as God to his wife
so that makes it his privilege to take her relatively worthless life
1 Timothy 2:12 says she should remain in silence
so if she should sass off, let there be domestic violence

Don't let her use the internet, womenfolk should be in the kitchen
she'll jump when you say jump, if she truly is a Christian
If she should roll her eye Christ said pluck it out
her soul hangs in the balance, so punish her if she has doubts

If she does not lay down, when you demand affection
raise you dominant hand up high, wielding the Rod of Correction
If she is unclean, don't let her come inside
but she still retains some value, 50 shekels for a bride

I am so touched, Brother, that I sat here and shed tears while your Godly song rang through my prayer closet. I wept so much I went through a half a box of Kleenex.


Not to be too forward, but can I request another of your masterpieces? I'm thinking along the lines of: "Dear Lord, Forgive Me For I Spilled My Seed While Looking at Sister Talitha's Avatar."

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

There's a little something for every True Christian™ in this little ditty.

Mohamed is Burning in Hell by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

Lyrics:

There once was a man named Mohamed
who got drunk off his own vomit
he married a six year old girl
and tried to take over the world

he promised 72 virgins
to those who should die in his service
denied the Godhood of Jesus
and feasted upon his own feces

He made a deal with the devil
and copied a book of his drivel
he couldn't sustain an erection
so he led folks who lacked direction

Mohamed had sex with animals
and ate his young like a cannibal
True Christians© know it well
Mohamed is burning in Hell!



Note to terrorists and terrorist sympathizers: Any resemblance of the characters in this song to actual persons is purely coincidental.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

I wish to apologize in advance for the rock n' roll -esque sound of this next one; it comes from a place of rage and personal tribulation. You see, I take rectal demons very seriously. No matter how many cases you see, you just never get used to it.

The Rectal Demon Song by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

Lyrics:

If you've got a demon in your rectum
it will take a pastor with a speculum
so pull on down your pants and grab your ankles
and let another man explore your every angle

rectal demons can be worse than kidney stones
they nibble at your flesh, and eat your bones
I hear it's like delivering a baby
except for it's got teeth and claws and rabies

so don the Christian armor, take up the sword and shield
beat the demons back, and never yield
chop off it's ugly head and beat it brainless
'cause you don't want it seething in your anus

demons in the rectum causes AIDS
they like it where it's warm, but still some shade
the trick is you must learn the demons name
then command him to return to Satan in shame

rectal demons make you want to masturbate
they'll make you question God, and fill your soul with hate
Rectal demons lie in wait inside the toilet bowl
you hardly feel a thing, as it slips into your hole

repeat 1st four lines

[Proud Faroese]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Make a song about humans rights to hunt animals!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

Make a song about humans rights to hunt animals!

Here you go:

Who Cares How Animals Feel by Billy Bob Jenkins © 2011

When God created the world
it was for the sole end of man
woman was just an helpmeet
and animals were made for him to eat

Genesis establishes dominion
of man over natural things
it was only because of Eve's sin
that bears fight back and bumblebees sting

veganism is just a blasphemy
inspired by the hatred of Jesus
the burning of animals is pleasant to His nose
and their welfare is meaningless

so let the Eskimos have their way
with dolphins, whales, and baby seals
there's not much else to do in Canada
and who cares how animals feel

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Original Music by Billy Bob Jenkins

That last song made me cry! Manly tears of course. Time for a long and healthy hunting trip!

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that liveth, shall be meat for you."

Genesis 1:27-28 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth"

Romans 14:2 "For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs."