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  • #1

    Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

    My Auntie Vandalia called moments ago asking for prayers for her husband, my Uncle Granville. It seems that Granville has joined the Church of Scientology after having a reading done at one of the churches in Florida. He is trying to tell Auntie that Xenu is threatening the spiritual welfare of the world. This dictator of the Confederate Galaxy brought billions of people to Teegeeack (earth) millions of years ago, according to Uncle G, and these thetans have attached themselves to people here. Seems there was a DC8 involved.

    Anyway, please pray that the Holy Ghost reaches into Granville's heart and shows him the folly of his ways.

    NRL
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

    We don't pray for Scientologists around here. What a waste of a prayer. I forbid it.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

      What is it with your relatives? Are they all mad?
      sigpic

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

        I don't think it matters if your uncle gives some of his money to the Scientologists - it's not as if it's a real religion. You can tell it's a 'made-up' religion because there are invisible creatures and a pre-history that is nothing like the real pre-history with the 6 days of creation and The Garden of Eden, the Flood, etc, etc.

        The fact that Scientologists don't mention Jesus is not too important either - even I have gone for well over an hour without mentioning Jesus.

        Just as long as he keeps up his tithing plan to Landover and spends the same amount of time praying to Jesus and marveling at His Wonders and Works.
        sigpic


        “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

        Author of such illuminating essays as,
        Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

          Forgive me for my boldness, Sister, but I am incredibly worried about your family's tendency to stray from True Christianity™. I will be praying harder for you and your aunt, but not your uncle, as it would be wrong for me to go against Pastor Ezekiel's words. Once again, forgive me, Sister.
          And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
          Deuteronomy 6.5

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

            Originally posted by Jim Farmer View Post
            What is it with your relatives? Are they all mad?
            It certainly looks like it, Brother Jim. Thank goodness evolution is a lie, otherwise we would suspect our beloved Sister Naomi to have the mad "gene" as well!
            God created fossils to test our faith.

            * * *

            My favorite LBC sermons:
            True Christians are Perfect!
            True Christian™ Love.
            Salvation™ made Easy!
            You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
            Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
            Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
             Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
            Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
            The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
            Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
            God HATES Rational Thinking!
            True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

              Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
              It certainly looks like it, Brother Jim. Thank goodness evolution is a lie, otherwise we would suspect our beloved Sister Naomi to have the mad "gene" as well!
              That's true. And we would be very glad that she remains childless!
              sigpic

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                To refuse to pray for my dear uncle is just wrong on so many levels. I will pray for him regardless of whether you do or not. I want to see him in Heaven praising God forever and ever.

                All of us have a relative or two that strays from the fold. Remember, I, too, had a lapse where I had to spend a period of isolation under heavy counseling and exorcism not that long ago. Praises to God that Dr. Niles was there to assist during my time of need.

                In Jesus,
                NRL
                1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
                Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
                Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
                Locations in 50 States and Canada
                !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
                Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
                Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                  Sometimes, God works in mysterious ways.

                  Isaiah 45:15 Verily thou art a God that hidest thyself, O God of Israel, the Saviour.

                  I have heard that Mistress Cookie's holiday resort is up for sale:

                  It comes fully equipped including staff. Maybe it would suit you and your extended family.

                  Habakkuk 1:5 Behold ye among the heathen, and regard, and wonder marvellously: For I will work a work in your days,
                  Which ye will not believe, though it be told you.
                  sigpic

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                    Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
                    To refuse to pray for my dear uncle is just wrong on so many levels. I will pray for him regardless of whether you do or not. I want to see him in Heaven praising God forever and ever.

                    All of us have a relative or two that strays from the fold. Remember, I, too, had a lapse where I had to spend a period of isolation under heavy counseling and exorcism not that long ago. Praises to God that Dr. Niles was there to assist during my time of need.

                    In Jesus,
                    NRL
                    That's fine, little miss. You do as you like. I have it on excellent authority that Jesus doesn't hear the Prayers of women in any case.

                    No soul, you see.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                      Praying won't do anything. As ***profanity removed by moderator*** up as Scientology is, let your uncle have his beliefs, he'll come to his senses........or not.
                      Rom.1:26-27
                      For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                        PRAISE REPORT:

                        My uncle has relinquished his membership in the church of Scientology thanks to Jesus hearing my prayers. Aunt Vandalia says that he attended Wednesday night prayer meeting with her and publicly acknowledged his sins as he gave his heart to God. Auntie Vandie is just ecstatic and the two of them are going to move away from Florida since they are now being stalked by members of the cult - in fact, they had vandalism against their home last night. Someone marked in huge lettering: BEWARE OF THE WRATH OF LRH on their garage.

                        But still, Uncle Granville's soul is safe and I rejoice in answered prayer.

                        GLORY!
                        NRL
                        1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
                        Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
                        Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
                        Locations in 50 States and Canada
                        !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
                        Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
                        Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Please Pray for my Uncle Granville

                          Praise be to Jesus, the Almighty Forgiver! "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
                          "Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1

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