[eliot mayfield]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

Come around to my Circumcision clinic after Church tomorrow. I'm sure we can arrange something

I appreciate the offer, but I'm off for 6 weeks to teach at a Jesus camp.

[Talitha]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I appreciate the offer, but I'm off for 6 weeks to teach at a Jesus camp.

You're teaching kids with a corrupt and possibly even gay finger?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

You're teaching kids with a corrupt and possibly even gay finger?

I've wrapped it up in duct tape.

[Titus Templeton]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

What do you use?

The answer is simple: Nothing.

Has God told us that we should use toilet papers?
Of course not. God gave us womans to clean the underwear everyday.

I don't use toilet papers since many years and everything is fine!

[Nobar King]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

Newspaper works well, too, for when you run out of toilet paper.

[Titus Templeton]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

Newspaper works well, too, for when you run out of toilet paper.

It works even better when Obama's Face is on it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I use Islamic toilet paper. That way, if a finger pokes through by accident, it's Moohamad's fault, not mine.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

What do you use?

Nothing. I have my wife to clean up everything when she washes me and cleans my clothes.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

It seems that it is against secular law to cut off your finger! It's my body and my right as A christian to do as Jesus wants me too! If I was a liberal slut, it'd be ok to have my baby murdered, but not for a Christian to follow God's word.
It seems if I cut my finger off, I'll be put in a "mental" hospital! I knew a True Christian ™ once who was put in one of those places. They didn't let him out until he was an atheist and he was just never the same. His eyes were always glazed and he didn't talk much either.
It's all the work of Satan, mental hospitals. We all know crazy people are just infested with demons!

Apparently you can get it done in Mexico.

It says:

Dr. Ian - Philosopher and Biblical Scholar

..but I'm not sure — anyway it's $10,000 for a leg.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

Apparently you can get it done in Mexico.

It says:

..but I'm not sure — anyway it's $10,000 for a leg.

I think you're supposed to do it yourself.
Matthew 5

1. [29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
2. [30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

I don't see where it says "have someone do it for you." Alas, I cannot break secular law either. I shall keep the finger duct taped and maybe it will fall off.

http://www.warts.org/duct-tape-wart-removal.html

If it'll take off a wart, it should take off a damned gay infested finger.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I think you're supposed to do it yourself.
Matthew 5

1. [29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
2. [30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

I don't see where it says "have someone do it for you." Alas, I cannot break secular law either. I shall keep the finger duct taped and maybe it will fall off.

http://www.warts.org/duct-tape-wart-removal.html

If it'll take off a wart, it should take off a damned gay infested finger.

Papist Mexico has strayed so far from God's Word.

(I was forgetting that DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12 only applies to women and that a True Christian man would be trusted to do do this for himself.)

Thank you for your reply Mr Mayfield.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

Papist Mexico has strayed so far from God's Word.

(I was forgetting that DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12 only applies to women and that a True Christian man would be trusted to do do this for himself.)

Thank you for your reply Mr Mayfield.

It is no problem whatsoever.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I think an update is due.

Do we have any news on the following?

a. Has the offending finger been amputated as God quite clearly demanded?
b. If not a. then has the offending finger shown any further gay tendencies such as repeated anal insertion attempts?
c. Have you noticed any gay thoughts? If so we need them describing in detail including the ways in which you imagined sodomising young boys so we can better understand and protect ourselves from the perils of inadvertent anus/fingertip juxtaposition. It would be helpful if you could give some sort of timeframe as to when you realised you wanted to pound Satan's rump so we have an idea as to the window of opportunity in which to make decision a. before irrevocable damnation.
d. No gay thoughts or amputation therefore wiping incidents are safe provided they are totally inadvertent.

Yours in hope that typing isn't too painful or that being irrevocably hellbound hasn't smitten you (in Christ's love)...

[eliot mayfield]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I think an update is due.

Do we have any news on the following?

a. Has the offending finger been amputated as God quite clearly demanded?
b. If not a. then has the offending finger shown any further gay tendencies such as repeated anal insertion attempts?
c. Have you noticed any gay thoughts? If so we need them describing in detail including the ways in which you imagined sodomising young boys so we can better understand and protect ourselves from the perils of inadvertent anus/fingertip juxtaposition. It would be helpful if you could give some sort of timeframe as to when you realised you wanted to pound Satan's rump so we have an idea as to the window of opportunity in which to make decision a. before irrevocable damnation.
d. No gay thoughts or amputation therefore wiping incidents are safe provided they are totally inadvertent.

Yours in hope that typing isn't too painful or that being irrevocably hellbound hasn't smitten you (in Christ's love)...

A: The duct tape is still on it.
B. It hasn't tried anymore, but it is wrapped in duct tape, so it can't.
c: I don't think I've had any gay thoughts, but I was in a good mood yesterday.
D: Too soon to tell.

[Little Donkey]

Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

I was low on toilet paper, so I didn't use the normal safety barrier of half a roll. A roll per session is my general rule, but I didn't have a full roll left.
Well, it happened. My finger went through the paper and I touched myself down there, actually it was more than just a touch. I think my finger went in a little.
Does this make me a homosexual?

I'd guess many men have been in this position. What separates us is whether or not you decided to sniff your finger.