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  • eliot mayfield
    God Squad
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 9324

    #16
    Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

    Originally posted by Talitha View Post
    Come around to my Circumcision clinic after Church tomorrow. I'm sure we can arrange something
    I appreciate the offer, but I'm off for 6 weeks to teach at a Jesus camp.
    Matthew:
    5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
    5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
    10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
    10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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    • Talitha
      Deaconess
      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
      True Christian™
      • May 2026
      • 15118

      #17
      Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

      Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
      I appreciate the offer, but I'm off for 6 weeks to teach at a Jesus camp.
      You're teaching kids with a corrupt and possibly even gay finger?

      Sister Talitha

      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



      Comment

      • eliot mayfield
        God Squad
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 9324

        #18
        Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

        Originally posted by Talitha View Post
        You're teaching kids with a corrupt and possibly even gay finger?
        I've wrapped it up in duct tape.
        Matthew:
        5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
        5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
        10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
        10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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        • Titus Templeton
          Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
          Jesus macht frei
          True Christian™
          • Aug 2010
          • 5912

          #19
          Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

          Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
          What do you use?
          The answer is simple: Nothing.

          Has God told us that we should use toilet papers?
          Of course not. God gave us womans to clean the underwear everyday.

          I don't use toilet papers since many years and everything is fine!
          -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
          -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
          -Holocaust Jokes
          -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
          -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
          -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
          -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
          -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

          Comment

          • Nobar King
            Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
            Christ's Guardian
            True Christian™
            • Sep 2007
            • 23748

            #20
            Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

            Newspaper works well, too, for when you run out of toilet paper.
            May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

            Comment

            • Titus Templeton
              Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
              Jesus macht frei
              True Christian™
              • Aug 2010
              • 5912

              #21
              Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

              Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
              Newspaper works well, too, for when you run out of toilet paper.
              It works even better when Obama's Face is on it.
              -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
              -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
              -Holocaust Jokes
              -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
              -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
              -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
              -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
              -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

              Comment

              • Pastor Ezekiel
                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                 
                • Sep 2006
                • 78556

                #22
                Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                I use Islamic toilet paper. That way, if a finger pokes through by accident, it's Moohamad's fault, not mine.

                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • Cranky Old Man
                  Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                  You kids get off his lawn!
                   
                  • Jan 2010
                  • 22375

                  #23
                  Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                  Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                  What do you use?
                  Nothing. I have my wife to clean up everything when she washes me and cleans my clothes.
                  5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                  To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                  James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                  Comment

                  • MitzaLizalor
                    Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2010
                    • 14484

                    #24
                    Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                    Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                    It seems that it is against secular law to cut off your finger! It's my body and my right as A christian to do as Jesus wants me too! If I was a liberal slut, it'd be ok to have my baby murdered, but not for a Christian to follow God's word.
                    It seems if I cut my finger off, I'll be put in a "mental" hospital! I knew a True Christian ™ once who was put in one of those places. They didn't let him out until he was an atheist and he was just never the same. His eyes were always glazed and he didn't talk much either.
                    It's all the work of Satan, mental hospitals. We all know crazy people are just infested with demons!
                    Apparently you can get it done in Mexico.
                    It says:
                    Dr. Ian - Philosopher and Biblical Scholar
                    ..but I'm not sure — anyway it's $10,000 for a leg.

                    Comment

                    • eliot mayfield
                      God Squad
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 9324

                      #25
                      Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                      Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                      Apparently you can get it done in Mexico.
                      It says:
                      ..but I'm not sure — anyway it's $10,000 for a leg.
                      I think you're supposed to do it yourself.
                      Matthew 5
                      1. [29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
                      2. [30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

                      I don't see where it says "have someone do it for you." Alas, I cannot break secular law either. I shall keep the finger duct taped and maybe it will fall off.

                      If it'll take off a wart, it should take off a damned gay infested finger.
                      Matthew:
                      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                      • MitzaLizalor
                        Completely CRAZY for the Lord
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2010
                        • 14484

                        #26
                        Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                        Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                        I think you're supposed to do it yourself.
                        Matthew 5
                        1. [29] And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
                        2. [30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

                        I don't see where it says "have someone do it for you." Alas, I cannot break secular law either. I shall keep the finger duct taped and maybe it will fall off.

                        If it'll take off a wart, it should take off a damned gay infested finger.
                        Papist Mexico has strayed so far from God's Word.

                        (I was forgetting that DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12 only applies to women and that a True Christian man would be trusted to do do this for himself.)

                        Thank you for your reply Mr Mayfield.

                        Comment

                        • eliot mayfield
                          God Squad
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 9324

                          #27
                          Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                          Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
                          Papist Mexico has strayed so far from God's Word.

                          (I was forgetting that DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12 only applies to women and that a True Christian man would be trusted to do do this for himself.)

                          Thank you for your reply Mr Mayfield.
                          It is no problem whatsoever.
                          Matthew:
                          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                          • Redeemed Papist
                            Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
                            True Christian™
                            • Jul 2011
                            • 10409

                            #28
                            Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                            I think an update is due.

                            Do we have any news on the following?

                            a. Has the offending finger been amputated as God quite clearly demanded?
                            b. If not a. then has the offending finger shown any further gay tendencies such as repeated anal insertion attempts?
                            c. Have you noticed any gay thoughts? If so we need them describing in detail including the ways in which you imagined sodomising young boys so we can better understand and protect ourselves from the perils of inadvertent anus/fingertip juxtaposition. It would be helpful if you could give some sort of timeframe as to when you realised you wanted to pound Satan's rump so we have an idea as to the window of opportunity in which to make decision a. before irrevocable damnation.
                            d. No gay thoughts or amputation therefore wiping incidents are safe provided they are totally inadvertent.

                            Yours in hope that typing isn't too painful or that being irrevocably hellbound hasn't smitten you (in Christ's love)...
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                            Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                            John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                            Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                            The truth about volcanos
                            Sex and debauchery in public schools
                            Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                            God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                            Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                            Comment

                            • eliot mayfield
                              God Squad
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 9324

                              #29
                              Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                              Originally posted by Redeemed Papist View Post
                              I think an update is due.

                              Do we have any news on the following?

                              a. Has the offending finger been amputated as God quite clearly demanded?
                              b. If not a. then has the offending finger shown any further gay tendencies such as repeated anal insertion attempts?
                              c. Have you noticed any gay thoughts? If so we need them describing in detail including the ways in which you imagined sodomising young boys so we can better understand and protect ourselves from the perils of inadvertent anus/fingertip juxtaposition. It would be helpful if you could give some sort of timeframe as to when you realised you wanted to pound Satan's rump so we have an idea as to the window of opportunity in which to make decision a. before irrevocable damnation.
                              d. No gay thoughts or amputation therefore wiping incidents are safe provided they are totally inadvertent.

                              Yours in hope that typing isn't too painful or that being irrevocably hellbound hasn't smitten you (in Christ's love)...
                              A: The duct tape is still on it.
                              B. It hasn't tried anymore, but it is wrapped in duct tape, so it can't.
                              c: I don't think I've had any gay thoughts, but I was in a good mood yesterday.
                              D: Too soon to tell.
                              Matthew:
                              5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
                              5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
                              10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
                              10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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                              • Little Donkey
                                Forum Member
                                • Oct 2010
                                • 498

                                #30
                                Re: my finger went through the toilet paper, am I gay?

                                Originally posted by eliot mayfield View Post
                                I was low on toilet paper, so I didn't use the normal safety barrier of half a roll. A roll per session is my general rule, but I didn't have a full roll left.
                                Well, it happened. My finger went through the paper and I touched myself down there, actually it was more than just a touch. I think my finger went in a little.
                                Does this make me a homosexual?
                                I'd guess many men have been in this position. What separates us is whether or not you decided to sniff your finger.

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