JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

[jfcoopjr]

Currently, I live in Southwest Michigan, where all these sinners and apostates (Dutch Reformed Christians) hold the controlling stock and market on any potential competitive professional religious industrial machine (Grand Rapids/Holland … home of Zondervan/Nelson Publishing). Although the mega-church edifices they construct (sometimes two on a block) would impress Almighty God himself, I realize they aren’t “real” Christians, because they are all victims of worldly influences and demon oppression, probably from using Satan’s liberal translations of God’s Holy Written Word.

I was browsing a couple porn sites, and Jesus made me Google the "Gay Handshake", and before I knew what took control of me, my sinful mouse clicked on a link to the Landover Baptist website. Instantly, I knew Jesus was standing right outside my heart … in the cold, wanting to come inside me … in the dark, his sweet voice bidding me to open up to his strong arms of love … in the rain, wiping his holey head with his holey hands (his hair’s a little too long in my opinion, but I guess he is Jesus so I guess I can overlook that, for him anyway) … alone, but wanting an intimate and passionate relationship with depraved and insignificant, weak and dirty me … crying, like a little girl … sobbing, because I was taking longer than he expected … lamenting, for the all the lost souls following Satan straight into Hellfire and eternal worm-eating damnation … and knocking at the door to MY heart.

So, I sang along with a couple versions of “The Old Rugged Cross”, and “Just As I Am”, and then “Softly and Tenderly” posted on YouTube. It was “Softly and Tenderly” that did it! Then I prayed the sinners’ prayer you posted, and Jesus jumped in (and I know it’s for real this time)! Hallelujah! (Sorry, I know a good “heartfelt amen” would have been sufficient, but my cup is filled to the brim, and yea, now even overfloweth!) So, now I’’ve been singing “I’ve been washed in the Blood of the Lamb” and “Sound the Battle Cry”!

After such an intimate encounter, I was relaxing and casually vaping on an e-cigarette, praying for Jesus to give me a new favorite verse to guide me in my new found exceeding and abundant self-righteousness and salvific life into Infinity and Beyond; and verily verily I testify unto thee, when I opened my “Only Authorized Translation of 1611” King James Version, there it was …
“Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?” (John 21:22)

I know “Thee” is me, and Jesus wants me to wait until he comes for someone else right now. However, it is written in holy scriptures assure me that he'll come for me too, soon (because Obama is the anti-Christ and ushering in the end-times , and Jesus told John in the Revelation that the faithful (Baptist Republicans) are living in the tribulation, now).

I look forward to fighting every good fight I can stir up as I grow in all grace and wisdom, walking proudly with Jesus and you good Landover Baptist folks , and learning how to see Satan in everyone else through the open and loving eyes of the one and lonely, Jesus Christ as is God's absolute will.

[jfcoopjr]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

I forgot about the baptism requirement. Already did that, was really baptized (dunked and came out wet, not sprinkled, and definitely not poured) at a real Baptist (Independent Fundamental) super-mega-church, Temple Baptist Church of Detroit on January 5, 1969 by the Rev. Art Kidd, associate pastor to Dr. G. B. Vick, who founded Baptist Bible College in Springfield, Missouri (and produced Jerry Falwell).

So, I'm pretty sure it's one of the best you can get. Just wasn't really saved yet, only hoped I was, I suppose; but then found the Apostolic Tabernacle which required more baptisms (dunked a couple more times) and "as evidenced by speaking in tongues"; and then fell from grace again, and hung around a coven of pagans; and then played vegan and burned a lot of Nag Champa with my guru and the folks of the International Society of Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON/"Hare Krishnas") cult for a while; even converted to Catholic so I could live a monastic life with the Franciscans, but they didn't want me.

See, Jesus already knew me and was telling MY story when he told the parable of "the prodigal son" (Luke 15:11-32) I am convinced, my experiences were all part of His Divine Will and plan because thank Jesus, He led me here, to you and this ministry!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Currently, I live in Southwest Michigan, where all these sinners and apostates (Dutch Reformed Christians)

Have nothing to do with those heathens. I thought that they had “reformed” – cast away the sins and errancy of the Dutch Church, but it turns out that they became liberal! Re-interpreted His message! And all in a language that sounds like the gurgling of a Amalkelite with his throat cut.

I knew Jesus was standing right outside my heart … in the cold, wanting to come inside me …

There are many young men have the same feeling, in fact it is so common that there is a small group who meet up each Wednesday and Saturday.

After such an intimate encounter, I was relaxing and casually vaping on an e-cigarette,

You want to be real careful with those things son: an honored Pastor (now giving the Lord’s Word to those benighted nigras in Somalia) wrote a sermon that is well worth reading on the dangers to the soul of “vaping”: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=97032

I look forward to fighting every good fight I can stir up as I grow in all grace and wisdom, walking proudly with Jesus and you good Landover Baptist folks , and learning how to see Satan in everyone else through the open and loving eyes of the one and lonely, Jesus Christ as is God's absolute will.

I like the cut of your jib, sir. If you’re in the area, give me a call.

I forgot about the baptism requirement. Already did that, was really baptized (dunked and came out wet, not sprinkled, and definitely not poured) at a real Baptist (Independent Fundamental) super-mega-church, Temple Baptist Church of Detroit on January 5, 1969 by the Rev. Art Kidd, associate pastor to Dr. G. B. Vick, who founded Baptist Bible College in Springfield, Missouri (and produced Jerry Falwell).

I think we can agree that you’ve had water thrown over you somewhere. Jerry’s a nice guy, but has never really come to grips with the True meaning of God’s inerrant Word.

I’ll speak to Pastor Zeke about having the job done properly.

[Youthful indiscretions and testings and temptations omitted] Jesus already knew me and … I am convinced, my experiences were all part of His Divine Will and plan because thank Jesus, He led me here, to you and this ministry!

If you’ll get straight with Jesus, we’ll make your pathway joyous with our company.

Let Pastor Zeke have your financial details: it helps with the efficiency or the administration. I don’t know about you, but I would rather wash diapers than have to mess about with IRS forms, etc.

[Noyougotit]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Don't be self righteous because so was the priest in the parable of the priest and the tax collector. Christ came unto you because you were a sinner if this was not so he wouldn't have came to you because He came not for the righteous but to call sinners to repentance. Wherefore put in the righteous of Christ and let Him declare you righteous and let His likeness bearing all fruits of the Spirit be shown in you. This is true righteousness because To God our righteousness is as filthy rags. But Christ's is unblemished.

[Noyougotit]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Ok I received an infraction so let me clear the air. I said this to help edify you not tear you down. This was not an attack but help. Because we need God in all things. Even being righteous. I'm not leading you away from the faith but encouraging you by giving you a tip because Jesus Christ taught me that. Self righteousness gets us nowhere because it's like we're saying ok God we got it. Instead confess even if you think you haven't sinned still repent because we ALL sin everyday even if we think we didn't or try our best not to but this is also Why we need Jesus.

[James Hutchins]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Ok I received an infraction so let me clear the air. I said this to help edify you not tear you down. This was not an attack but help. Because we need God in all things. Even being righteous. I'm not leading you away from the faith but encouraging you by giving you a tip because Jesus Christ taught me that. Self righteousness gets us nowhere because it's like we're saying ok God we got it. Instead confess even if you think you haven't sinned still repent because we ALL sin everyday even if we think we didn't or try our best not to but this is also Why we need Jesus.

Friend, while you may think you have good intentions (all you people do, sadly) you are not a Christian. Because you are not a Christian, God could care less about your pagan rituals. You cannot be a mary worshiper and also claim to follow Jesus.
You might want to read this before the entire world ridicules you. It is bad enough they are already laughing at you behind your back.
Catholics Aren't Christians

[Noyougotit]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

You do realize I am in fact a devout Christian and not a catholic right? And I don't even know what pagans do or what they worship and accusing me of two religions and gods I don't serve makes me question your faith. I'm baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. You are in the flesh trying to read me.LOL

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

You do realize I am in fact a devout Christian and not a catholic right? And I don't even know what pagans do or what they worship and accusing me of two religions and gods I don't serve makes me question your faith. I'm baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. You are in the flesh trying to read me.LOL

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Currently, I live in Southwest Michigan, where all these sinners and apostates (Dutch Reformed Christians) hold the controlling stock and market on any potential competitive professional religious industrial machine (Grand Rapids/Holland … home of Zondervan/Nelson Publishing). Although the mega-church edifices they construct (sometimes two on a block) would impress Almighty God himself, I realize they aren’t “real” Christians, because they are all victims of worldly influences and demon oppression, probably from using Satan’s liberal translations of God’s Holy Written Word.

I was browsing a couple porn sites, and Jesus made me Google the "Gay Handshake", and before I knew what took control of me, my sinful mouse clicked on a link to the Landover Baptist website. Instantly, I knew Jesus was standing right outside my heart … in the cold, wanting to come inside me … in the dark, his sweet voice bidding me to open up to his strong arms of love … in the rain, wiping his holey head with his holey hands (his hair’s a little too long in my opinion, but I guess he is Jesus so I guess I can overlook that, for him anyway) … alone, but wanting an intimate and passionate relationship with depraved and insignificant, weak and dirty me … crying, like a little girl … sobbing, because I was taking longer than he expected … lamenting, for the all the lost souls following Satan straight into Hellfire and eternal worm-eating damnation … and knocking at the door to MY heart.

So, I sang along with a couple versions of “The Old Rugged Cross”, and “Just As I Am”, and then “Softly and Tenderly” posted on YouTube. It was “Softly and Tenderly” that did it! Then I prayed the sinners’ prayer you posted, and Jesus jumped in (and I know it’s for real this time)! Hallelujah! (Sorry, I know a good “heartfelt amen” would have been sufficient, but my cup is filled to the brim, and yea, now even overfloweth!) So, now I’’ve been singing “I’ve been washed in the Blood of the Lamb” and “Sound the Battle Cry”!

After such an intimate encounter, I was relaxing and casually vaping on an e-cigarette, praying for Jesus to give me a new favorite verse to guide me in my new found exceeding and abundant self-righteousness and salvific life into Infinity and Beyond; and verily verily I testify unto thee, when I opened my “Only Authorized Translation of 1611” King James Version, there it was …
“Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee?” (John 21:22)

I know “Thee” is me, and Jesus wants me to wait until he comes for someone else right now. However, it is written in holy scriptures assure me that he'll come for me too, soon (because Obama is the anti-Christ and ushering in the end-times , and Jesus told John in the Revelation that the faithful (Baptist Republicans) are living in the tribulation, now).

I look forward to fighting every good fight I can stir up as I grow in all grace and wisdom, walking proudly with Jesus and you good Landover Baptist folks , and learning how to see Satan in everyone else through the open and loving eyes of the one and lonely, Jesus Christ as is God's absolute will.

tl;dr

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[jfcoopjr]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Ok I received an infraction so let me clear the air. I said this to help edify you not tear you down. This was not an attack but help. Because we need God in all things. Even being righteous. I'm not leading you away from the faith but encouraging you by giving you a tip because Jesus Christ taught me that. Self righteousness gets us nowhere because it's like we're saying ok God we got it. Instead confess even if you think you haven't sinned still repent because we ALL sin everyday even if we think we didn't or try our best not to but this is also Why we need Jesus.

Oh, Noyougotit!

No explanations necessary. You are definitely wise and right in your discernment of my need for some good old fashioned edification, but what I probably need more is reproaching and reproofing from time to time to reemphasize my total degenerate condition of my mortal soul, and then the conscious sacrifice to self and rebirth to holiness in Jesus again. Because when I think of the price that was paid for me and for every , our little tithes and offerings could never repay the debts we owe for all that sweet Jesus sweat and tears flowing like a fountain, with all that torment and suffering, and all those sleepless nights He spends watching over each and every .

The images of all that sin heaped upon sin, heaped upon sin, heaped upon sin, for all eternity, and even for those who don't know it yet, help me understand the need for more discipline and patience. I guess, in my joy and captive pleasures of my personal revival/spiritual re-awakening experience, I made it all about me. I was oblivious and unthinking of Jesus, haughty, and arrogant - just filled with my all my own goodness which is nothing more than filthy rags and eternally in need of a savior - Jesus Christ!

Please, I pray that Jesus can use you and the entire ministry team to discipline me for our "Father of Spirits" whenever I am unthinking or acting like an ungrateful and undeserving little bastard, according to God's Word



"6 For whom the loveth He chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth. 7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the Father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of Spirits, and live? 10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but He for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby." (Hebrews 12:6-11)

Let's pray,

Jesus, please give us more.

Amen.

[Noyougotit]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Thank you brother, yes I was telling you that because that's what I went through until God knocked me down a few pegs. I'm thank that you understood what I meant. Life is trial and error don't beat yourself up. God loves you and Jesus loves you always remember that. God bless you.

[Basilissa]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

J... and N.... (why bother creating nicknames that nobody can pronounce?), if you're trying to get together, please do so at some other venue, not at a family-friendly church forum.

Thank you.

[James Hutchins]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

You do realize I am in fact a devout Christian and not a catholic right? And I don't even know what pagans do or what they worship and accusing me of two religions and gods I don't serve makes me question your faith. I'm baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. You are in the flesh trying to read me.LOL

Not possible friend. Christians do not follow the barbaric teachings of priests or the telling of dirty little secrets in booths.
Also, a real Christian knows to ALWAYS capitalize His name.

[jfcoopjr]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Thank you for your prayers, Pastor Ezekiel!

You're a powerful man of ! What a life changing experience!

You were so right, I just needed to get straight with Jesus!

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much!" (James 5:16)

After getting saved again, I woke up and chose to be straight for Jesus this morning! Jesus' precious , with a little help from your effectual prayers, just took the gay away! Now I'm reborned, all my sorrow and misery have gone, and I'm living right for my , again!

Satan was defeated and flushed away. , bound him and sent back into the bowels of the earth.



I've got my new tithing envelopes number assigned and I'm ready to give everything to Jesus!

I know I've really changed this time, because I even hung a flag out to show everyone how proud I am to be a new born Neo-Con Republican and !



Just a heads-up ... I've started praying to find a good Christian wife, too.

Keep me ("us") in your prayers!

JC

[jfcoopjr]

Re: JESUS JUST CAME IN ME AGAIN, FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Friend, while you may think you have good intentions (all you people do, sadly) you are not a Christian. Because you are not a Christian, God could care less about your pagan rituals. You cannot be a mary worshiper and also claim to follow Jesus.
You might want to read this before the entire world ridicules you. It is bad enough they are already laughing at you behind your back.
Catholics Aren't Christians

Greetings, Bro. Hutchins!

I realize you were probably addressing my "old self" and the experiences I shared from my past. I am no longer a heathen/pagan Catholic, worshiping idols and godesses, with their Anti-Christ Pope-daddy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moaXuWJryu8 . I found Jesus, again!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=102316

I know if it ain't in the Bible, it ain't real! So by accepting evolution and climate change, it proves the Pope's in league with the Devil!

I'm hoping my experience in all those other religions/cults will equip me with the right weapons for invisible "principalities and powers in the Heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12) I'm facing and battling in this evil world for Jesus, right now! Since I know their false religions from the inside, I might have to consider some work in a mission field to Italy or India.

So today, I'm putting on the FULL Armor of God! (Ephesians 6:13-20)



(Funny how my butt's not covered ... I should probably ask Pastor Ezekiel about that one ... )

Keep fighting the good fight!