Hello, I am new

[horolev]

I was saved about 2000 years ago when Jesus Christ died on the cross. I confirmed this at the age of 12 at the Union Baptist Church in Mississippi by being thoroughly dunked for 3 minutes. Of course, I have been rebaptized several times since then just to be sure the first one took. Each time I try to get dunked a little longer to prove my pure intentions. My personal record is 4 minutes and 13 seconds. I am a Christian missionary in Mexico. I attend Lakeside Baptist church because I believe that so called Christians of all other sects and denominations are lying, deluded scum headed for eternal hellfire. I am totally fluent in Mexican so I can try to convert these Catholic, heathen wetback, beaners and convey to them the only way they can be saved is to denounce that gay, Catholic, communist Pope and learn how to read the English King James Bible. Of course the last step is they will have to become white like us. I hope you will welcome me into your forum and hope to move up in your hierarchy as soon as possible because I am not tainted by formal education, and do not believe in reason, human intelligence or science. My favorite Bible verse is John 13:35, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."Thank you.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Hello, I am new

Hello dear, and welcome to our friendly forum! Any friend of is a friend of mine! Your baptismal records are impressive! You must have some adventurous baptism stories with all the demons that infest the Mexican people! Tell us how you best like to share the good news that Jesus Christ is going to send every single person on Earth who doesn't believe in Him straight to Hell, in a region that already mimics Hell in so many ways!

[Back against wall]

Re: Hello, I am new

I hope you will welcome me into your forum and hope to move up in your hierarchy as soon as possible

An extremely cautious welcome to you.

For myself:
Ephesians 6:10-17

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

Proverbs 19 :5 is a personal favorite of mine, I am an extremely cautious man of God. God made me this way for a reason.

Philippians 4 :13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Through personal experience and Gods teaching, I have been taught to be wary of everything. 2 Peter Chapter 2 reminds me of these things. My conviction to protect those around me is strong and guided by God.

Psalms Chapter 144 :1 [A Psalme of Dauid.] Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to warre, and my fingers to fight.

Please excuse my frankness, I leave the niceties to others.
It's been nice getting to know me.

Brother BAW

[horolev]

Re: Hello, I am new

Hello dear, and welcome to our friendly forum! Any friend of is a friend of mine! Your baptismal records are impressive! You must have some adventurous baptism stories with all the demons that infest the Mexican people! Tell us how you best like to share the good news that Jesus Christ is going to send every single person on Earth who doesn't believe in Him straight to Hell, in a region that already mimics Hell in so many ways!

Yes, of course. One day we were baptizing this wretched, spic, illigitimate spawn of Satan the entire baptismal font caught on fire and this deceiving sinner went up in flames. Unfortunately the pastor went with him, probably was into pornography or something. Anyway we found out later this lying cholo was just trying to get baptized so he could get charity from the church. The bastard had it coming.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello, I am new

I was saved about 2000 years ago when Jesus Christ died on the cross. I confirmed this at the age of 12 at the Union Baptist Church in Mississippi by being thoroughly dunked for 3 minutes. Of course, I have been rebaptized several times since then just to be sure the first one took. Each time I try to get dunked a little longer to prove my pure intentions. My personal record is 4 minutes and 13 seconds. I am a Christian missionary in Mexico. I attend Lakeside Baptist church because I believe that so called Christians of all other sects and denominations are lying, deluded scum headed for eternal hellfire. I am totally fluent in Mexican so I can try to convert these Catholic, heathen wetback, beaners and convey to them the only way they can be saved is to denounce that gay, Catholic, communist Pope and learn how to read the English King James Bible. Of course the last step is they will have to become white like us. I hope you will welcome me into your forum and hope to move up in your hierarchy as soon as possible because I am not tainted by formal education, and do not believe in reason, human intelligence or science. My favorite Bible verse is John 13:35, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."Thank you.

Welcome to God's favorite church. Are you a communis? Because you have a communis name.

Please tell us about yourself. What does your husband do for a living? How old are you? What's your best pie? How many sons have you given your husband? How often does he lay on a good Christian beating?

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello, I am new

I was saved about 2000 years ago when Jesus Christ died on the cross. I confirmed this at the age of 12 at the Union Baptist Church in Mississippi by being thoroughly dunked for 3 minutes. Of course, I have been rebaptized several times since then just to be sure the first one took. Each time I try to get dunked a little longer to prove my pure intentions. My personal record is 4 minutes and 13 seconds. I am a Christian missionary in Mexico. I attend Lakeside Baptist church because I believe that so called Christians of all other sects and denominations are lying, deluded scum headed for eternal hellfire. I am totally fluent in Mexican so I can try to convert these Catholic, heathen wetback, beaners and convey to them the only way they can be saved is to denounce that gay, Catholic, communist Pope and learn how to read the English King James Bible. Of course the last step is they will have to become white like us. I hope you will welcome me into your forum and hope to move up in your hierarchy as soon as possible because I am not tainted by formal education, and do not believe in reason, human intelligence or science. My favorite Bible verse is John 13:35, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."Thank you.

Hello, dear, and to God's favorite forum! I, too, have been participating in missions to Godless South America, so we do have something in common.

However, you must understand that our Department of Faith receives many applications daily, so that moving fast up the hierarchy thing, you shouldn't really count on it. Sorry!


Have patience, your file will be reviewed... hopefully eventually.

[horolev]

Re: Hello, I am new

Welcome to God's favorite church. Are you a communis? Because you have a communis name.

Please tell us about yourself. What does your husband do for a living? How old are you? What's your best pie? How many sons have you given your husband? How often does he lay on a good Christian beating?

No, actually I am white male Southern Christian, God's remnant people, decended from Czechoslavakian Anabaptists I am 70 years young. I have several wifes and concubines as did King Solomon. I have fathered at least 30 God fearing male children. I don't count the females. I had the rebellious ones stoned. My favorite pie is apple. I don't beat my wives. I have nigra slaves that do that for me. Glad to meet you Pastor Ezekiel. I'm also a pastor. The money is good.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Hello, I am new

Greetings Mr. Horolev. These are Christians here and white people. I am sure you will fit right in with them. As for myself I am a different kind of Christian. I will not dwell on the issues that separate us one from another. Also I am a Black man and a student in your country. I am here in Babylon to receive an education. What place are you from? I am from Jamaica.

[horolev]

Re: Hello, I am new

Greetings Mr. Horolev. These are Christians here and white people. I am sure you will fit right in with them. As for myself I am a different kind of Christian. I will not dwell on the issues that separate us one from another. Also I am a Black man and a student in your country. I am here in Babylon to receive an education. What place are you from? I am from Jamaica.

I'm sorry but you are already condemned to hellfire and brimstone. Everyone knows black people are cursed by God for having sex with monkeys. Plus you come from that kingdom of darkness, witchcraft, devil worship and rastafarianism. Your cousin, Bob Marley, is already burning to a crisp in hell. Your only hope is to cut off the dreads and become white.
Ephesians 4:15
But speaking the truth in love

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello, I am new

Welcome, friend. If you seek congress with Christians, you have come to the right place. We are friendly here and all Christians are encouraged to come among us. Tell us of your salvation. How did you find Jesus? Where do you reside? Who is your Pastor? Tell us the whole story, no matter how depraved.

God Bless!

[horolev]

Re: Hello, I am new

Be happy to brother,

About the age of 10 I was addicted to TiddlyWinks, the worst game invented by Satan to lead children into anal sex. Naturally that leads to weed, then demon rum and meth. So I went to my uncle Willie Bob, a whorin, drinking man who had experience with anal sex from one of those Stinkin Sprinklin Episcopalian priests. Well, sir he was only too happy to initiate me. About age 12 my uncle Willie Bob's bowling ball fell on my head and I had to have a metal plate in my head and go on disability. It was then that the Holy Spirit was able to enter through the hole in my head and show me the error of my ways. It also showed me that bowling was from the devil. Shortly after that I had the first of my many baptisms by dunking.

[1liesalot]

Re: Hello, I am new

Nobody is saved by dunking baptism. Immersion baptism (also known as baptism by immersion or baptism by submersion) is a method of baptism that is distinguished from baptism by affusion (pouring) and by aspersion (sprinkling). Why would the Christ Jesus be satisfied with half measures like dunking? Only gay people are baptised by aspersion, you fools.

In Acts 36-39 we read: "Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the eunuch said, See here is water, what hinders me from being baptized? And Philip said, If you believe with all your heart, you may. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. So he commanded the chariot to stand still. And both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water, and he baptized him. And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord caught Philip away, so that the eunuch saw him no more: and he went on his way rejoicing."

This is proof that immersion is the way because you have to "come up out of the water", which you wouldn't have to do were it a mere dunking situation. Dunking is for donuts.

[horolev]

Re: Hello, I am new

You all are obviously a Yankee idiot, not versed in how to speak proper Southern King James English. Here in the south when we get dunked we get forcibly and totally held under the water as long as the pastor deems it necessary to drown out all our evil ways, such as pornography, sodomy, smoking, alcohol, dancing, movies, etc. My personal record is 4 mins. and 13 seconds.

[horolev]

circumcision

If a female turns male tranny, should he/she/it be circumcized? Just wondering what the KJV has to say about this.

[Back against wall]

Re: Hello, I am new

Settle girls.