[Ezekiel Bathfire]

When sitting in one of your social gathering places surrounded by plaster saints and other graven images, and as you waited for your turn to take the knee, you must have wondered "How long does it take someone to eat and drink a whole Jesus"
Assume that Jesus was 5’10” and weighed 180lb. Of that 1.5 gallons will be blood.

A pint of blood weighs 1.09lb – 12 pints = 13.08lb. = 209¼ oz

Jesus’s body, minus blood, weighs 165.92lb

A communion cracker (a Death cookie) weighs 0.141oz

Jesus’s body weighs 2,654¾ oz = 18,828 Death Cookies.

The wine in a bottle weighs 26½oz – 8 bottles = 209¼ oz = His Blood

The Catholic church recommends 0.08oz per mass per person – the cautious fishhead priest will get 328 servings out of a bottle.

To drink 8 bottles, you need to attend 2,624 masses.

For the average papist, there are 56 obligatory masses in a year and whereas it will only take only 46 years and 10 months to crack the blood-count, it’s going to take 336 years to get the body-weight of death cookies up to par.

The Whore of Babylon saw this coming and now offers 2 daily masses on all other days – another 618 masses. This means that with the possibility of attending 674 masses a year eating the body weight of Jesus can be achieved in 27 years and 11 months, and the blood-count can be attained in a mere 3 years and 10 months.


With a few funerals, marriages, christenings, etc. the dedicated minion of the anti-Christ could improve on this.

A whole Jesus is not beyond you... Go for it!

[Unfalsifiable]

Do different brands of cracker taste more of Jesus than others?

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

Do different brands of cracker taste more of Jesus than others?

There seem to be lots of brands offering this product for sale, which is not surprising considering that Catholics are always looking to make a buck. I would assume that these crackers tase nothing like Jesus because they are not Jesus; transubstantiation is papist sorcery and nonsense. If you really want to sample some, the higher end brands are probably better than the ones from Walmart. You could also use the leftovers to play all kinds of pranks on Catholics. Interestingly, desecration of the host is grounds for automatic excommunication. This is not the case for such petty misdemeanors as clerical pedophilia, so it's serious business.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

There seem to be lots of brands offering this product for sale, which is not surprising considering that Catholics are always looking to make a buck. I would assume that these crackers tase nothing like Jesus because they are not Jesus; transubstantiation is papist sorcery and nonsense. If you really want to sample some, the higher end brands are probably better than the ones from Walmart. You could also use the leftovers to play all kinds of pranks on Catholics. Interestingly, desecration of the host is grounds for automatic excommunication. This is not the case for such petty misdemeanors as clerical pedophilia, so it's serious business.

Oh, I hope that every Cathyolick in reads your excellent words, dear Brother Lukes; because, by reading the truth, there is a chance that they will abandon their idol worship and obedience to the bound Papacy!

John 8:32 " And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

However, as for convincing those very Cathyolicks that their crackers are NOT ; well, I'm afraid that that might take some time to achieve — especially when they will do anything to justify this "transubstantiation" mumbo-jumbo!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Thank you for your insightful and inspiring thoughts and analysis of the wafer cult Pastor Bathfire. It has indeed inspired me to look further into what the cathylicks might be thinking.

The first thing that comes to mind is the miracle of the loaves and fishes (John 6:1-14). Jesus managed to take 5 loaves of bread and two fish and feed 5,000 people - and we can safely assume that each of the 5,000 had a full meal, not 1/5000th of the 5 loaves and 2 fish.

When it comes to the wafer cult, what we're really talking about here is the Last Supper (Matthew 26:17-30). I'm lead to understand (from research on the interwebs) that the average person consumes 4 pounds of food a day. Assuming that there are 3 square meals a day, then "Supper" would consist of 1-1/3 pounds of Jesus.

I'm not sure that this experiment has ever been done, but it should be easy to do. Take a wafer (0.141oz) and weigh it before transubstantiation, and then weigh it after transubstantiation - it should be 1-1/3 pounds, if the cathylick cult is really working.

Final thoughts? Inevitibly some cathylick is going to suggest that it's not Jesus in the "flesh" but "energy". This is hard to look up and do the Einstein mass to energy calculation (which comes out in "Joules" - never mentioned in the Bible near as I can find). The nearest I've been able to find is that an 180 pound Jesus results in the energy that is in 1,000 Hiroshima sized atomic bombs. If millions of cathylicks are doing this we're talking mass extinction here - someone should notify Greta Thunberg.

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes

I would assume that these crackers tase nothing like Jesus

Well, Jesus meat may not taste good. I mean, aren't Christians supposed to suffer like he did on the Cross?

[Basilissa]

Originally Posted by Unfalsifiable

Do different brands of cracker taste more of Jesus than others?

In order to taste like Jesus, instead of flour+water they should use fresh raw meat for the communion. The best choice would be human meat, but it might be difficult to procure for the millions of Catholics in the world. (Although something could be arranged with the Chinese, they already harvest their prisoners for transplant organs, so I guess communion meat would be doable, too).

The second choice would be pork. Why pork? We are what we eat, and so different animals taste differently. Swine are omnivorous just like humans, so their diet is the closest to ours, so their meat should taste the most similar to human, giving Catholics the second best "I can't believe it's not Jesus!" palatable experience.

[MitzaLizalor]

Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati

Well, Jesus meat may not taste good. I mean, aren't Christians supposed to suffer like he did on the Cross?

Scripture please, to suggest that suffering should be "the same as" rather than "equivalent to" as your self-flagellators may prefer.

[Romeo Rovagnati]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

Scripture please, to suggest that suffering should be "the same as" rather than "equivalent to" as your self-flagellators may prefer.

Well, there are plenty of verses were Jesus talks about how good is being persecuted.


Also, a good example of Saint is St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, who was known for swallowing other people's vomit in order to understand their suffering.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by Romeo Rovagnati

Also, a good example of Saint is St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, who was known for swallowing other people's vomit in order to understand their suffering.

Fascinating. Thank you for sharing this with us. This is the kind of Catholic trivia we actually want to hear.

[MitzaLizalor]

No Scripture though, I noticed. One very easy reference to remember because it has all twos in it is II Peter 2:22 – he is referring to Isaiah but there are other passages; in none of them is vomit well regarded.

[Dennis Lukes]

Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor

No Scripture though, I noticed. One very easy reference to remember because it has all twos in it is II Peter 2:22 – he is referring to Isaiah but there are other passages; in none of them is vomit well regarded.

Do Catholics ever actually quote scripture? Until the 1960s, they kept the Bible in Latin and burned anyone who translated it into languages the laity could understand. It stands to reason that your average Catholic doesn't know anything about the Bible. Their Mary-centered, polytheistic theology certainly bears little resemblance to anything in the Lord's Word.

[handmaiden]

There's no point to growing up as an idolatrous Catholic if I can't supply a little insider information.

Last time I had one on my tongue, the communion wafer was just that--a wafer--not a cracker. It has a foamy texture like that of a packing peanut (which are not actually peanuts) and I am almost certain they are formed from cornstarch and water because they sort of melt away. I don't think that they are actually baked; but I could be wrong.

Speaking of packing peanuts, some of them are made from cornstarch and it would not surprise me if they and communion wafers came from the same factory. Some other packing peanuts are made from styrofoam. The first kind can be ingested, but they provide as much nourishment to the human body as communion wafers provide grace to one's immortal soul.

Even so-called "Holy Water" has more value because it, at least, could be used to keep someone from dying of thirst or sepsis.

Oh, by the way, I was tricked into attending some sort of "Shabbat"* service (I thought that I was going to witness to some witches) and they totally stole the whole wine and bread thing from Christianity. I was so shocked that I almost didn't stay for cake and cookies afterward.


* They were Jews, not witches. Who knew?

[Unfalsifiable]

I hear they just chuck them in some broth and ladle "Him" out if they are short on time.

[handmaiden]

In Mexico, they probably could use the wafers for dipping into guacamole.

[Isabella White]

Mark my words, dear brothers and sisters of . This will be the next trend for the Cathyolicks:

[MitzaLizalor]

I must say that priest looks most unresponsive to her facial communication. Do they even wash?