[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Policing Freehold

That you are still fighting for the Lord after all of your trials and tribulations with unsaved heathen is a tribute to your FAITH and HUMILITY! Praise the LORD for people like you!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2009

[...]

"I want them to take all this stuff down! I'm Jewish!"

"You're a Christ killer?" I asked.

I sincerely hope that this incident was not in a 'restricted' neighborhood. City Hall has been very careful over these preservation areas so as to retain their original character.

If you find that it was, I think we can have them out before the 24th.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

"Joy to the World."

They weren't singing anything about a "bullfrog" called "Jeremiah" were they?

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Policing Freehold

Brother Don,

I've been reading this thread, and I just want to say not only are you a bastion of Christian moral values and a soldier against Satan, but you are also making great contributions to our nation's economy. How so, you ask? Well, all those people you are throwing into prison on trivial charges become part of America's thriving prison-industrial complex. Ever since George W Bush privatized America's prisons, our nation has managed to turn what used to be a liability into an asset.

I am so proud of the fact that the USA has even more prisoners than China, in both percentage terms and in actual numbers. Although the Chinks still lead us in executions (thanks to liberal whiners who oppose the death penalty), we are still number one in recruiting prison labor. So I just want to compliment you, and thank you for doing such a great job.



I think that 2010 will be an excellent year for investors. We've got 1.8 million Americans behind bars right now, but with the recession and so many people out of work, I think that this would be a great time to double or triple that number. I personally plan to invest in shares of privatized prisons - this is a sure-fire growth industry.

Praise Jesus,
Brother Fred

[GloryBeToGod]

Re: Policing Freehold

Oh praise Jesus!! Officer Don, I wish you nothing but safety and peace when you go into a neighborhood full of unsaved scum! You know how they have no respect for the law, or men who uphold it! You are really doing the Lords work good sir, please keep us informed as Christmas approaches! Peace and love brother! Glory be to God!!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I've heard that there are global warming protestors stirring up trouble at the Copenhagen Conference right now. They're even more radical than Al Gore (if that's possible).

I'm just wondering if you could get assigned to some temporary duty over there, until the conference is over. I think we need a good Christian law enforcement officer such as yourself to teach them cheese-eating surrender monkeys what freedom and democracy is all about. Those Euroweenie police need to be shown how to keep law-and-order, American style. You could teach them how to use a nightstick to break some heads. Or other humane crowd-control techniques, like how to fire a taser, or a 12-gauge shotgun loaded with rock salt.

I don't know if there's a budget for it, but maybe you could go hi-tech and get a chance to use one of them newfangled pain guns. Those would be useful not only for shutting up Commie protestors, but also for interrogating prisoners.

One word of caution. I know that sodomizing prisoners with a cattle prod is an innovative method of interrogation, but over there in Euroland, everyone is gay, so they would probably enjoy it too much. If you can't get one of them pain guns, then stick to time-honored low-tech techniques like water boarding - I'm sure you've got plenty of experience.

Let freedom ring!
Brother Buford

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Policing Freehold

Here's video of what a pain gun can do. I'd mark it as "impressive." The solution is to obey authority and you need never experience it.

Romans 13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
Romans 13:3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same:

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Policing Freehold

I've heard that there are global warming protestors stirring up trouble at the Copenhagen Conference right now.

Remember...

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2009

Something very special happened to me today. Traffic duty is one of my favorite shifts, because I get to drive around town keeping the peace, eating donuts and talking to Jesus.

I talk to Jesus a lot in the patrol car. Sometimes he talks back.

Well, this evening Jesus was especially talkative. He was filling me with his spirit. Suddenly, I had this profound urge, a calling to go to 110 West Ark street. I can't explain why. All I know is that God was telling me, "Don, I want you to go to 110 West Ark street."

So I did. Who am I to question the will of my God?

When I arrived, I heard God's voice again, saying "Don, I want you to go knock on the door and ask if everything is okay."

I got out of the cruiser, banged on the front door and after 30 seconds, a distraught woman opened answered.

"Is everthing okay ma'am?" I asked.

"Oh thank God you've arrived Officer!" she said. "My husband came home drunk, and he's threatening me and our children!"

Right then, the drunken husband came stumbling out of the door, yelling and spilling beer all over himself.

He sort of just stumbled right into my hands where I could slap the cuffs on him. I threw him in the back of patrol car and returned to the house.

"He's going to be spending the night with us, ma'am." I said.

She was so grateful, and praising God: "Oh officer, Jesus must have sent you to us! When my husband came home drunk, I started praying that God would keep him calm, that he would protect me and the children. When my husband started yelling and became threatening, I prayed to Jesus saying, 'Oh lord, please protect us! Please send your angels to keep us safe!' Ten minutes later, YOU showed up Officer!"

This was truly one of the most profound and spiritual experiences of my life. This is going to be the story I tell from now on when people ask me how I know there is a God.

We knelt down right there on her front porch and both thanked God for sending me to save this poor, innocent family from the evils of the devil's drink.

It was when I was returning to my patrol car that another unit arrived on the scene. It was that nincompoop, Officer Borders.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm responding to the domestic disturbance call at 110 West Ark. The neighbors called it in, said there was a lot of screaming and yelling going on, and that there's kids involved."

I was stunned at his attempt to disprove my religious experience: "What are you talking about? I never heard any call on the radio about a disturbance at 110 West Ark. You just followed me here, didn't you! And you waited until everything was taken care of to show your face! Now you're trying to explain away this amazing proof that God has just given me that he is actually real and does intervene in our lives!"

Borders kept insisting that there HAD been a call on the radio and I must not have consciously acknowledged it because I was too "distracted with my thoughts."

Well I was pretty digusted with the lack of faith on his part. Obviously he hates God and will do anything to try and undermine the awesome evidence that keeps cropping up in support of our Creator.

A lot of the people at the station also said that there had been a disturbance call on the radio this evening, but at least they, being decent Christians, were rational enough to agree that God probably sent me there ahead of time, before the call was even made. It was placed at 6:14 PM. I don't remembe what time it was exactly when I felt the urge to go to the scene, but I'm sure it was probably before that. God works in mysterious ways, and no rookie atheist young punk of a "cop" is going to convince me otherwise.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I also frequently talk to God, and He answers, especially on days when I forget to take my thorazine. He sends me radio transmissions which I receive through the fillings in my teeth. At times, I also get messages from Ronald Reagan, Adolf Hitler and other prominent Republicans who now reside in Heaven.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I also frequently talk to God, and He answers, especially on days when I forget to take my thorazine. He sends me radio transmissions which I receive through the fillings in my teeth. At times, I also get messages from Ronald Reagan, Adolf Hitler and other prominent Republicans who now reside in Heaven.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

Any Word from Oral Roberts yet, Brother?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Policing Freehold

Any Word from Oral Roberts yet, Brother?

I imagine that his mouth is full of Blessings right now. Jesus is receiving Oral even as we speak.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I imagine that his mouth is full of Blessings right now. Jesus is receiving Oral even as we speak.

LORDY! I do Hope He keeps His Robe clean!

(All those ink smears on Brother Roberts' hands from Bible-reading, you know.)

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don,

I imagine that you might have already seen this story:

Cop Brings Gun to Snowball Fight

And here's a photo of the terrorists in action:



I certainly hope that you'll be on the lookout for these dangerous thugs in Freehold. The cop in DC didn't open fire, only used his gun to threaten "the vermin," but personally I don't see any reason why you should be so restrained. Of course, the liberal Supreme Court will probably claim that snowball throwers "got rights," just like homos and illegal aliens. Those liberals are always trying to tie the hands of our police officers. That's what's ruined this country - liberal do-gooders coddling criminals. Maybe you need to deputize Chuck Norris and break some heads - enough is enough!

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

I just wanted to drop in and let you all know that I haven't forgotten about my church family, but have been really busy over the holidays taking in vagrants and rowdy children making scenes in the mall.

The holidays may be all fun and games for you, but for the boys in blue, it's a rough part of the year.