The Hibernation of Jesus

[Scott Scenter]

I will against the evening open up my Gideon supplied King James version of the Bible and seek sentences that consist of words with only one syllable, because the word of the Lord is expedient and efficient.

My Bible is always near at hand and I merely reached out to bring it to the table to inspect. One must when undertaking this sort of endeavor obviously choose between the old and new testament, and that is perhaps the very nature of the cross that we worship.

Those that worship the devil usually choose a question before they consult an oracle, but I will not because I believe in the power of prophecy. I will unfold my Bible with my right hand and I see now that it is the book of Nehemiah and this is troubling because it has a lot of difficult words and I am reminded now of a thought earlier in the day, which was whether or not gerunds are problematic for dyslexic people of color.

I have read from the appointed passage to the end of the chapter and spotted not one instance of sentient compression, so I will quote now as inspiration for each one of us on this evening of a false holiday designed to placate the common peasant Nehemiah 13:31

And for the wood offering, at times appointed, and for the firstfruits. Remember me, O my God, for good.

[Basilissa]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I will against the evening open up my Gideon supplied King James version of the Bible and seek sentences that consist of words with only one syllable, because the word of the Lord is expedient and efficient.

My Bible is always near at hand and I merely reached out to bring it to the table to inspect. One must when undertaking this sort of endeavor obviously choose between the old and new testament, and that is perhaps the very nature of the cross that we worship.

Those that worship the devil usually choose a question before they consult an oracle, but I will not because I believe in the power of prophecy. I will unfold my Bible with my right hand and I see now that it is the book of Nehemiah and this is troubling because it has a lot of difficult words and I am reminded now of a thought earlier in the day, which was whether or not gerunds are problematic for dyslexic people of color.

I have read from the appointed passage to the end of the chapter and spotted not one instance of sentient compression, so I will quote now as inspiration for each one of us on this evening of a false holiday designed to placate the common peasant Nehemiah 13:31

And for the wood offering, at times appointed, and for the firstfruits. Remember me, O my God, for good.

Oh, sweetie, do the nurses in your insane asylum know that you are using a computer without supervision?

[Scott Scenter]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I will interpret your response as a joke, as the last time I noticed someone accusing another as a patient in a mental hospital was back in the seventies when drugs were still being developed. I will pray for your inability to draw the master towards your inner soul. I would normally counsel you in private quarters, but your age is showing and wrinkles collect fungus, so I must bid you hello and ask your proper name. If you respond appropriately, I will send my pastor a gift of my own remembrance.

Do something about the stink. I'm not interested, but I have a cousin.

[Basilissa]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I will interpret your response as a joke, as the last time I noticed someone accusing another as a patient in a mental hospital was back in the seventies when drugs were still being developed. I will pray for your inability to draw the master towards your inner soul.

I see that you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Ehem, is there an "outer soul?"

I would normally counsel you in private quarters, but your age is showing and wrinkles collect fungus, so I must bid you hello and ask your proper name. If you respond appropriately, I will send my pastor a gift of my own remembrance.

Do something about the stink. I'm not interested, but I have a cousin.

Oh, sweetie, I'll definitely recommend you for the Short Bus award.

As far as counseling goes, I recommend that you make an appointment with Dr. Niles. He's a great psychologist, but, more importantly, he's a True Christian(tm) Man. Hence, he'll be able to guide you and make you understand your shortcomings.

[Scott Scenter]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

You became afraid of the truth and recommended a Doctor? Jesus heals all that are receptive to his word, and it seems clear to me that you are, did you fall for that shit on the commercials where they tell you if you graduate you can purchase nice scrubs from their online website? I will see you at the Wednesday night service if you can manage to dig up your husband and make him put on a pair of pants. Jesus loves you, sort of.

[Basilissa]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

You became afraid of the truth

What truth, sweetheart?

and recommended a Doctor?

A True Christian™ Doctor. Nothing to do with these secular so called scientists that God hates (1 Timothy 6:20).

Jesus heals all that are receptive to his word, and it seems clear to me that you are, did you fall for that shit on the commercials where they tell you if you graduate you can purchase nice scrubs from their online website?

Huh?
The only two channels that I watch on tv are Fox News and TCT. Plus ABC Family, during the hours when the 700 Club is aired. (I love Pat Robertson ). Nothing about graduating or scrubs on there.

I will see you at the Wednesday night service if you can manage to dig up your husband and make him put on a pair of pants.

Sweetie, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you won't be able to come to my church, because my church doesn't allow dim and damaged light bulbs like yours.

Jesus loves you, sort of.

Of course Jesus loves me. I'm a True Christian™. I follow His word to the letter.

[Scott Scenter]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

You left out the A, whore. Grammar is the resolution of the true word and its appendages. I started this thread to discuss the hibernation of the Christ and it is entirely apparent that no one in the forum understands the true meaning of winter management. I'm slightly annoyed by this harlot that keeps trying to interfere with my pulpit, but that is the nature of the beast. I bless you all with a good night and prayers for the morning sun to come - albeit without these women that continue to bitch about problems that do not concern men of God.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

You left out the A, whore. Grammar is the resolution of the true word and its appendages. I started this thread to discuss the hibernation of the Christ and it is entirely apparent that no one in the forum understands the true meaning of winter management. I'm slightly annoyed by this harlot that keeps trying to interfere with my pulpit, but that is the nature of the beast. I bless you all with a good night and prayers for the morning sun to come - albeit without these women that continue to bitch about problems that do not concern men of God.

This is not your pulpit friend, this forum is for discussing God's Will as expressed threw The Bible - KJV 1611.

[Basilissa]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

You left out the A, whore.

I thank you for persecuting me. That reassures me that God loves me. (Psalm 9:13, Psalm 119:157, Matthew 5:12, and many other similar verses.).

However, out of the goodness of my heart, I would like to remind you that you are condemning yourself to Hell for being a false witness (Proverbs 19:5, Revelation 21:8).

Grammar is the resolution of the true word and its appendages.

And your grammar, or should I say lack of it, makes your statements very hard to comprehend.

I started this thread to discuss the hibernation of the Christ

No, honey. You entitled your thread this way, but you filled your posts with some nonsensical babbling.

and it is entirely apparent that no one in the forum understands the true meaning of winter management.

I'm slightly annoyed by this harlot that keeps trying to interfere with my pulpit,

Are you posting from a brothel?!? Get out of there, quickly!!!!

I bless you all with a good night and prayers for the morning sun to come

Sorry to disappoint you, but a blessing coming from an unsaved trash is worthless, and kinda pointless.

[Scott Scenter]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I have received from on high a request to praise the word of our one true Lord, and as is my habit and that of my forefathers I will seek inspiration from the Holy Bible. I was thinking about this earlier this morning and chose to think about the old Presbyterian children's rhyme: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, hold the horse while I get on.

The subject of my sermon was originally the hibernation of Jesus, but I seem to have attracted flies determined to undermine my intent, which was to share the love of Jesus.

My requests have been oriented toward the praise of the Lord, Our Christ, and I will offer these words as not a matter of supplication, but instead that of understanding the nature of his true principles, which reach beyond material things and allow us to believe in the blessings of the spirit.

I will inspect now the book of Luke for one syllable passages, because as I have preached before now, despite the lack of an audience that pays attention to my simple words, it is important.

As an aside, it is difficult to find the book of Luke just flipping through my King James Bible, because it is towards the end and reminds me that I need to find something more fulfilling to read at lunch, and by that I mean something unfinished, and it that word, unfinished, we find the prophecy that I will locate in a few minutes by simply inspecting the Holy Bible.

I would ask you to turn to your Bible now and read the words of Luke in Chapter Four, verse twelve.

It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

There is much more to be said about this verse, and I am willing to administer and preserve the natural principles of Christ, who believes in LOVE, despite his Hibernation, but the challenges of management are getting on my last nerve.

I love you, more than you seem able to know. I love you because I worship our Lord, Jesus Christ. If and only if you believe on him and accept his nature as that of your best friend, we can talk about the sinners and make fun of their sins.

I do not, and am not making fun of coons. They are part of nature and make good pets until their first year of puberty.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I do not, and am not making fun of coons. They are part of nature and make good pets until their first year of puberty.

So I've heard.

[Levi Jones]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I have received from on high a request to praise the word of our one true Lord, and as is my habit and that of my forefathers I will seek inspiration from the Holy Bible.

It's about time.

The subject of my sermon was originally the hibernation of Jesus,

Which, you still haven't gotten around to.

but I seem to have attracted flies determined to undermine my intent, which was to share the love of Jesus.

It must be all the honey you leave out.
Or that you smell of fecal matter.
I can digress and go off on strange tangents occasionally too.

My requests have been oriented toward the praise of the Lord, Our Christ,

I wasn't aware of that. I am not sure anyone was.

I will offer these words as not a matter of supplication,

Hold the phone, mister. That is what we live for here at God's Favorite Church Forums. Praise and supplication to Jesus Christ. He comes first to us.

Luke 14:26-27 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.
Matthew 8:21-22 And another of his disciples said unto him, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father.
22 But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead.

but instead that of understanding the nature of his true principles,

Which you just so happen to possess, right? I think I have heard this pitch before.

which reach beyond material things and allow us to believe in the blessings of the spirit.

How enigmatic and philosophical sounding.

I will inspect now the book of Luke for one syllable passages, because as I have preached before now, despite the lack of an audience that pays attention to my simple words, it is important.

You natter like a nutter about monosyllabic words and you wonder why we think you're quite mad?

we find the prophecy that I will locate in a few minutes by simply inspecting the Holy Bible.

So you take scriptures out of context and then come up with a "prophecy" from them? Neat. For your next trick are you going to cold read? Maybe you'll pull quarters from behind kid's ears?

We don't need any of your tricks, Simon Magus.

It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.

There is much more to be said about this verse, and I am willing to administer and preserve the natural principles of Christ, who believes in LOVE, despite his Hibernation,

I do love my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. I do not love charlatans who come in Christ's name. Wolves in sheep's raiment.

but the challenges of management are getting on my last nerve.

Oh, okay.

I love you, more than you seem able to know.

You love much like Christ did. I will hand that to you.
You call us names like flies and whore. I do believe Christ would approve of you calling the unsaved names like that, just not us His True Servants.

If and only if you believe on him and accept his nature as that of your best friend, we can talk about the sinners and make fun of their sins.

Jesus didn't come to be your friend. He came to ask for nothing more than your obedience.

Won't you take up your cross and follow Him?

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I will interpret your response as a joke, as the last time I noticed someone accusing another as a patient in a mental hospital was back in the seventies when drugs were still being developed. I will pray for your inability to draw the master towards your inner soul. I would normally counsel you in private quarters, but your age is showing and wrinkles collect fungus, so I must bid you hello and ask your proper name. If you respond appropriately, I will send my pastor a gift of my own remembrance.

Do something about the stink. I'm not interested, but I have a cousin.

What is this foolery? Where is your devotion to Jesus? On your knees and receive Him within you, you vile worm! It's no wonder you refer to drugs. You sound like one of those scripture twisting hippies that just makes up its own values whenever it sees fit on a whim.

Well we True Christians(tm) take our inspiration from the perfect and unambiguous word of God, and it's telling me you are a hideous false prophet. Sort yourself out or be shunned, sinner.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

I will say "the hibernation of Jesus™" does make me think a little of the resurrection. And that always brings a smile to my face.

Jesus™ went into his cave, and then came out a bit later. But the difference is, bears and other hibernbators don't have an enormous stone rolled across their opening. Also, Jesus was not covered in fur, and didn't have snapping, fang-ringed jaws that could tear your arm off.

But when he rose again (yes, maybe a bit like a wobbly bear at first, blinking in the light of a new day)...oh, what joy is ours to recall it!

Oh happy day! Oh happy, happy day!

Matthew 27:50-53 Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. / And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent; / And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, / And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.


RARE PHOTO:

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: The Hibernation of Jesus

.. When does the monosyllabic bit start.