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I'm in the habit of wishing people a happy birthday on their birthdays. But I'm not sure about today. I certainly wish that Mistress Cookie has a happy day in Freehold, where she belongs.
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Note to self:
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Oh thank you brother Jim, I'd completely forgotten it was my birthday! I'll have to make sure Miss Cookie does something extra special for me today!WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Birthday greetings, Brother Faith Machine.
Brother Jim and I have both risen early in the morning to give you this message. Exodus 9:13-15.
I would urge you to re-read the book of Exodus (all of it) and return Mistress Cookie to her home and her loving friends.Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Wait a minute, are you trying to compare Miss Cookie to a dirty Jew and me to a Sand Person?Originally posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Regardless, I very much appreciate whatever part of your message might be construed as a warm birthday greeting.WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Tidings of Joy to you, Brother. May you feel Jesus' embrace like this beautiful little lamb in His strong arms!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.
PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:- Hitler is Alive!
- Hitler - the First man on the Moon!
- Hitler was maybe a Nazi!
- Hitler and the English Royal Family!
- Vladimir Putin is immortal! Perhaps Hitler is, too?
- Paris Hilton for President and the Hitler connection!
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Yes, Mr. Machine. It is Harsha Shah here. Happy birthday to you. I wish you find joy and happiness and peace on mind in your life. Yes. I am also wishing you a wonderful Christmas in the manner you want to celebrate it. I am hoping you can be with someone you love and cherish as you are a kind person. Yes."Ecclesiastes 3:7
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak."Yes. Women are saving lives. It is time we are speaking! Yes!
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Oh, that's so nice! I would give up all my birthday presents if it meant you would accept Jesus Christ, though.Originally posted by Harsha Shah View Post
Please? Pretty please with sugar on top? It would be the BEST birthday ever!
Maybe you could just try accepting Jesus as your savior for a couple of hours and see how it feels?WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
I hope you have a most Blessed Birthday, Brother Faith Machine!Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Yet another year through this vale of tears, a step nearer the grave and towards the Eternal Joy that Heaven offers.
Keep strong, you are in my prayers.sigpic
Author of such illuminating essays as,
“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
While my husband and I have been critical of the lack of return of Mistress Cookie, good reference Sister Joanna, I pray you have a blessed year and both of you a safe return to Landover! I sent over a chocolate birthday cake; I hope you like it!"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
My dearest, beloved Brother FM:
If I knew where you were (if anyone knew where you were), I would have send you a birthday cake. However, it seems that your location has been elusive even for Brother Des' drones.
Well. Just in case you decide to emerge from wherever you're hiding Miss Cookie, I'm keeping an "I love LBC" apple pie in the freezer for you. It should be a good reminder for you that your love for the church should be greater than any other passion.
God created fossils to test our faith.
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My favorite LBC sermons:
True Christians are Perfect!
True Christian™ Love.
Salvation™ made Easy!
You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
God HATES Rational Thinking!
True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
I heard some weird noises below my house today so naturally I killed whatever was there with my .950 JDJ. Could that have been Brother Faith?Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
In a completely unrelated matter, does anyone have some spare floor wood so I can fix some holes in my floor? The temperature has been dropping significantly and my wife started whining about those holes.5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
- Protect your family the Christian way! Get your daughter raped!
- Only Sluts Get Raped! (1st Timothy 2:9)
- Down syndrome is a lifestyle choice!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."Comment
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Re: It's Mr Machine's Birthday
Fear not, for I am still among the living!WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.Comment
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