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  • Wide-Open
    Director of European Evangelical Outreach
    A Shining Example of Christ's Love
    Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2007
    • 18449
    #16
    Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

    What a great thread!

    I was going to say that I wanted to see my dog again that I accidently shot after becoming a True Christian(TM), but silly me, dogs don't have souls and thus can't go to Heaven.

    So I settled for the second best option, a rather popular one it seems.
    Psalm 81:10:
    I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
    open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

      Comment

      • Bobby-Joe
        Landover Security Superviser
        Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
        NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 18405
        #17
        Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

        Originally posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
        Leaping and dancing before the LORD . II SAMUEL 6:16c

        One thing keeps popping into my mind as I contemplate sitting in His lap - dancing: will it be acceptable in Heaven? As part of praising His name, the rôle of dancing is well documented.
        Didn't Revered Osborn have this in one of his sermons on tape? If I recall he had a pretty impressive graphic playing on the jumbotron.

        Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

        Hot Must ReadThreads!


        Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

          Comment

          • Pastor Ezekiel
            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
             
            • Sep 2006
            • 78556
            #18
            Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

            I imagine that Jesus serves the best beer imaginable, and the juiciest Porterhouse steaks.

            I hope He has plenty of slaves up there for us to beat.

            Luke 12:46 The lord of that servant will come in a day when he looketh not for him, and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder, and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. 12:47 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes.
            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • despising david
                Forum Member
                Forum Member
                • Nov 2010
                • 144
                #19
                Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                I personally am going to roast marshmallow's from the flames of the damned, and make delicious smore's that are better than any other's because of the gigantic I told you so grin I will have whilst I eat!!! That and I hope that there is also a good set of dunes to jump on a good ol four wheeler or bronco
                Deuteronomy 6:5
                Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

                  Comment

                  • James Dewitt
                    #63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart
                    • Jan 2010
                    • 6267
                    #20
                    Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                    I am looking forward to never having to talk to a heathen,God Mocker or Catlik again, ever! Please Jesus, come take me Home.

                      Comment

                      • Lycia The Repentant
                        Ex-prostitute on her knees for the Lord
                        Now that she's Saved©, Priceless
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2010
                        • 2019
                        #21
                        Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                        Originally posted by James Dewitt View Post
                        I am looking forward to never having to talk to a heathen,God Mocker, pasta-demon worshiper or Catlik again, ever! Please Jesus, come take me Home.
                        I agree with you Brother James 100% here, but I just wanted to clarify one specific type of Hellbound heathen I'm looking forward to watching burn.
                        "Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him." Matthew 21:31-32

                        An Important Reminder for all unSaved© Ladies
                        Protect Yourself! Important Information about Demons
                        My five Six Step Guide to Stopping Your Miserable Harlotry!
                        Do you hate fornication? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League and help stop it today!
                        An Open Question to All false christians.

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Isaac Peters
                            Senior Pastor
                            Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                            Always Biblically correct
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 10639
                            #22
                            Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                            Originally posted by Lycia The Repentant View Post
                            I agree with you Brother James 100% here, but I just wanted to clarify one specific type of Hellbound heathen I'm looking forward to watching burn.
                            And let's not forget homers. We can watch the devil say to them, "You wanted special privileges? I've got a special privilege for you right here!"
                            This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                            Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

                            sigpic

                              Comment

                              • Bobby-Joe
                                Landover Security Superviser
                                Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                                NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                                True Christian™
                                • Sep 2006
                                • 18405
                                #23
                                Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                Originally posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
                                And let's not forget homers. We can watch the devil say to them, "You wanted special privileges? I've got a special privilege for you right here!"
                                Ah the irony, the gays will have finally had their equality and it will be do ask, do tell in Hell when the gays are burning next to all of the other sinners! GLORY!

                                Who says Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor?

                                Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                                Hot Must ReadThreads!


                                Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                                  Comment

                                  • Miss muslimdestroyer
                                    Unsaved trash
                                    • Jan 2011
                                    • 12
                                    #24
                                    Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                    oooooooooooooh, sitting on Jesus' lap please!! Yes, yes yeeeeees! While watching the damned burn too, of course, what a turn on!
                                    Sexually frustrated virgin, trying very hard to be a good Christian girl. All help appreciated.

                                      Comment

                                      • Bobby-Joe
                                        Landover Security Superviser
                                        Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                                        NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                                        True Christian™
                                        • Sep 2006
                                        • 18405
                                        #25
                                        Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                        Originally posted by Miss muslimdestroyer View Post
                                        oooooooooooooh, sitting on Jesus' lap please!! Yes, yes yeeeeees! While watching the damned burn too, of course, what a turn on!
                                        Well not sure if we will have sex in Heaven since there will most likely be no women. But you are right. Being next to our loving Savior Jesus while He laughs at at sinner being dipped in boiling oil is perfection.

                                        Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                                        Hot Must ReadThreads!


                                        Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                                          Comment

                                          • Brother Temperance
                                            Senior Usher
                                            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                                            A very nice young man
                                            True Christian™
                                            • Sep 2006
                                            • 15621
                                            #26
                                            Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                            Some people might think this is a little bit weird, but I'm mostly looking forward to getting Ronald Reagan to give me a piggyback around Heaven's Blessed Fields. "Giddyup, gipper! Hi-ho, Dutch!"
                                            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                                            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                              Comment

                                              • Miss muslimdestroyer
                                                Unsaved trash
                                                • Jan 2011
                                                • 12
                                                #27
                                                Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                                                Well not sure if we will have sex in Heaven since there will most likely be no women. But you are right. Being next to our loving Savior Jesus while He laughs at at sinner being dipped in boiling oil is perfection.



                                                No women?
                                                Sexually frustrated virgin, trying very hard to be a good Christian girl. All help appreciated.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • BelieverInGod
                                                    Fourm Member
                                                    Forum Member
                                                    • Feb 2010
                                                    • 9269
                                                    #28
                                                    Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                                    Originally posted by Miss muslimdestroyer View Post
                                                    No women?
                                                    We won't be married or given in marriage. Although the Bible does say we'll be saved through childbirth.

                                                    It's a confusing topic, and I just live my life as if I am to be saved. After all if it does turn out that women don't have souls, it won't matter.
                                                    Drama queen

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Evil Atheist Heart
                                                        Unsaved trash, teenaged pervert
                                                        • May 2012
                                                        • 22
                                                        #29
                                                        Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                                        From what I've seen in this thread, it looks like no one is going to heaven.
                                                        Psalm 14:1 The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done
                                                        abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Redeemed Papist
                                                            Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            • Jul 2011
                                                            • 10409
                                                            #30
                                                            Re: POLL: what facilities are looking forward to in Heaven?

                                                            Originally posted by Atheist at Heart View Post
                                                            From what I've seen in this thread, it looks like no one is going to heaven.
                                                            Really?

                                                            How so? That's a strong assertion, friend. Care to back it up with evidence?
                                                            sigpic
                                                            Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

                                                            John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

                                                            Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
                                                            The truth about volcanos
                                                            Sex and debauchery in public schools
                                                            Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
                                                            God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
                                                            Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

                                                              Comment

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