[bigchuckcripgang]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

That's PASTOR Ezekiel, pal.

yo ezekiel im masturbating right now please help me

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

well she is next to me reading the post laughing her ass off

So in other words you don't have a girlfriend.

Let's all meet Margot's hand, the two of them are deeply attached. har har har.

[Areyouguys_serious]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masurbation is normal, this is a total dumb thread as usual.

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masurbation is normal, this is a total dumb thread as usual.

Is that the Cathlik version of it?

[Titus Templeton]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masurbation is normal, this is a total dumb thread as usual.

No, masturbation makes you dumb. That you think this Thread is dumb shows that you have masturbated a lot in your life. Everything that is written in the Bible, is written for a Reason.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masurbation is normal, this is a total dumb thread as usual.

A lot of people get a sexual thrill by cutting other people with a straight razor. Do you think that is acceptable behavior? If no then why do you think masturbation is normal?

[slippery slither]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masterbation became an addiction for me in my teens due to a unhappy life at home (parents fighting). In my twenties addiction to Masterbation and pornography on the internet became a problem. Now I am in my 30's married and with 2 children. I nearly lost my wife due to lying and hiding pornography activity. I have given up Masterbation and pornography successfully, but what is difficult is establishing if it is ok for me to have the occasional Masterbation when I am feeling sexy by myself without feeling bad about it and that the addiction will start again?

[A Follower]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masterbation became an addiction for me in my teens due to a unhappy life at home (parents fighting). In my twenties addiction to Masterbation and pornography on the internet became a problem. Now I am in my 30's married and with 2 children. I nearly lost my wife due to lying and hiding pornography activity. I have given up Masterbation and pornography successfully, but what is difficult is establishing if it is ok for me to have the occasional Masterbation when I am feeling sexy by myself without feeling bad about it and that the addiction will start again?

Addictions never go away, because they are not addictions, they are the Devil whispering in your ear, trying to drag you down into Hell. Masturbation is never ok, not once, not to relieve the pressure, not when you've put your wife out of the house for her period. Spilling your seed is the same as abortion, it is murder, it is reprehensible, and it is not something you can get away with.

[PhilTheAtheist]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

With everything that's going on in the world right now doesn't God have better things to worry about than people who masturbate in the privacy of their own homes?

[Levi Jones]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

With everything that's going on in the world right now doesn't God have better things to worry about than people who masturbate in the privacy of their own homes?

Of course He does. God even knows how many hairs there are on your head.

Luke 12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

So stop flogging the dolphin!

[PhilTheAtheist]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Of course He does. God even knows how many hairs there are on your head.

Luke 12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

So stop flogging the dolphin!

Yeah, glad he's on top of things. He can't help the infant mortality rate, cure world hunger or stop school shootings but He has a precise count of the number of hairs on my head. And you pity ME for not worshiping this Guy? Wow.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Yeah, glad he's on top of things. He can't help the infant mortality rate, cure world hunger or stop school shootings but He has a precise count of the number of hairs on my head. And you pity ME for not worshiping this Guy? Wow.

Just because God doesn't want to do something, doesn't mean he can't. Ever stop to think that there are reasons for infant mortality and world hunger? Notice how those are really high in places that have turned their faces away from God? Funny how there isn't any infant morality, world hunger, or school shootings in Freehold, Iowa. Hmm....I wonder why?

Besides, why should God make everything on Earth perfect? That is what Heaven is for.

[Jebediah Joseph]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Reverend Ezekiel,

I've been trying to solve my masturbation problems for years now. I have tried all of the tips and suggestions on the site several times, but I always feel compelled to "choke my chicken." It feels so stimulating! Help me Reverend! I know sin juice flows out of my reproductive organ each time. I thought reading the Bible would help, but I only become more aroused. What should I do?

Jebediah Joseph

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Reverend Ezekiel,

I've been trying to solve my masturbation problems for years now. I have tried all of the tips and suggestions on the site several times, but I always feel compelled to "choke my chicken." It feels so stimulating! Help me Reverend! I know sin juice flows out of my reproductive organ each time. I thought reading the Bible would help, but I only become more aroused. What should I do?

Jebediah Joseph

You are an obsessive compulsive masturbator. The Bible is very clear on what you have to do about that. You have to rent a chainsaw and remove your hand! Mark 9:43 "And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the firethat never shall be quenched". To be on the safe side you might want to remove both hands.

Clearly, your obsession with porn is getting the better of you. To make sure you stop staring at porn you now have to poke your own eyes out! The Bible is very clear on that: Mark 9:47 "And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out: it is better for thee to enter into the kingdom of God with one eye, than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire". Since you can still see porn with one eye, you will have to poke both of them out.

And after you poked your eyes out and removed your hands you have to start reading your KJV1611 Holy Bible to prevent eternal damnation to hell .

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Reverend Ezekiel,

I've been trying to solve my masturbation problems for years now. I have tried all of the tips and suggestions on the site several times, but I always feel compelled to "choke my chicken." It feels so stimulating! Help me Reverend! I know sin juice flows out of my reproductive organ each time. I thought reading the Bible would help, but I only become more aroused. What should I do?

Jebediah Joseph

Step up and take one for Jesus. That's what I recommend in hardcases like yours.

Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.