[mikey1995]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

I've used this filthy "gift" as a demonstration to my youth group about how the Darwinists are attempting to reduce us to animals by encouraging this behavior.

my youth group leader showed 1 to us too. some of the dudes got lumps but ididnt like it but didnt say anything cuz maybe they'd think it was just cuz there lumps were bigger

[Titus Templeton]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

my youth group leader showed 1 to us too. some of the dudes got lumps but ididnt like it but didnt say anything cuz maybe they'd think it was just cuz there lumps were bigger

Why don't you pray to Jesus that he makes your lump bigger?

[mikey1995]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Why don't you pray to Jesus that he makes your lump bigger?

i do every night but i guess the lord is waiting to make it happen

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

my youth group leader showed 1 to us too. some of the dudes got lumps but ididnt like it but didnt say anything cuz maybe they'd think it was just cuz there lumps were bigger

This is God's church, young man. Not a smut shop. Kindly dispense with the locker room talk.

And rather than bee-bopping all over our forum spouting nonsensical twaddle that no one is interested in, please introduce yourself here. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

In Christ

[mikey1995]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

This is God's church, young man. Not a smut shop. Kindly dispense with the locker room talk.

And rather than bee-bopping all over our forum spouting nonsensical twaddle that no one is interested in, please introduce yourself here. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

In Christ

i will go there but my mom says its lights out soon but maybe in the morning

[appletree]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Actually unused sperm dies all of the time. So only thing you can do to save your sperm is to kill yourself.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Actually unused sperm dies all of the time. So only thing you can do to save your sperm is to kill yourself.

Because sperm will survive that!? Perhaps you should try to use your brain, it seems rather unused.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Actually unused sperm dies all of the time. So only thing you can do to save your sperm is to kill yourself.

Think of all the POTENTIAL SPERM that would be killed by such an abominable act!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

I received one of these via UPS with a snarky note enclosed that read, "Get you some, Rev." Included were illustrated instructions on how to use this satanic device, and I was beyond shocked that it's legal to produce these things! If anything, people should be reduced to shoddy black-market masturbation machines, not have them readily available at your local mom-n-pops!

I've used this filthy "gift" as a demonstration to my youth group about how the Darwinists are attempting to reduce us to animals by encouraging this behavior. Even amidst the snickers I get when describing this Fleshlight, I think I've succeeded in keeping them on the straight and narrow. We've come up with our own twist on the purity rings with the anti-wank pledge gloves:

I shewed this device to some mocking atheist fools and one of them was heard to say, "That looks hot! I reckon it would be cool [stimulating] to feel those spikes digging into my c*ck while i'm w*nking." They then guffawed and began to accuse me of secretly masturbating with the device when I wasn't being a hypocrite trying to deny my own urges.

How I yearned for God to smite them even at risk of their possible redemption!

Has anyone else been similarly rebuffed by the God-less when trying to help them understand the depths of their depravity and the imminent danger of their damnation in the event of their death on the way home from our meetings? The urge to follow them home and speed them on their way is strong at the moment but I shall pray hard while beating myself with the spiky hand glove in penance while contemplating the suffering of our Lord on the cross.

[TheApe]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Please explain to me how its..."God-less"....to do something 95% of the world does.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Please explain to me how its..."God-less"....to do something 95% of the world does.

Most people are going to Hell. If you would read your Bible instead of fornicating with a piece of plastic you'd know that.

(Matthew 7:14) "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Please explain to me how its..."God-less"....to do something 95% of the world does.

Friend, it is not the number of people who do things that makes a thing God-less, it is the lack of God in the doing of that thing. Surely you can agree God does not exist in this so-called "toy."

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

Please explain to me how its..."God-less"....to do something 95% of the world does.

Genesis 38:9-10

King James Version (KJV)

9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also.


God has killed men for less.

[MrMcDarwin]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

If you take the time to think about it, you're wrong. If god created the female reproduction system, and 9 out of 10 inseminations don't result in pregnancy, god is the biggest waster of seeds...

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Fleshlights: The Atheist Conspiracy against God

If you take the time to think about it, you're wrong. If god created the female reproduction system, and 9 out of 10 inseminations don't result in pregnancy, god is the biggest waster of seeds...

Why do you blame the female reproductive system for everything? Are you some sort of fag?

God does not hang out at truck stops and ejaculate other men's penises onto the accursed ground. He simply chooses who is worthy of a son, who is worthy of a mere daughter, and who is worthy of a down. He is not "wasting" seed, He is managing it.