Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

[Titus Templeton]

Sodomie which is practised by homosexuals, leads into relaxation of the anus-muscle. The further consequences are that homers need to wear diapers. Furthermore different infections can find their way into the human body, like herpes or salmonellae. Anal sex is always harmful for the sodomised person even if they use condoms.

The positive thing about all this is, that no one is born as a homer.
Many good doctors can help you out to fight your perversions.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

no one is born as a homer.

What about women? Aren't they touching another woman's dirty bits when they are born?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Things you should not do with your anus:

Transport illegal drugs
Play "The Star Spangled Banner" on harmonica
Hide your Bible
Open beer bottles
Spelunk
Play "the flamethrower game"

Other?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Interesting story; Once when Rev. Jim and I were incarcerated in Las Vegas for being overly exhuberant while preaching the Word of God, we met a sinner who offered us a drink of cheap whiskey. Right there in the jail cell the man had a full bottle of "Wild Turkey," can you imagine?

I asked the heathen how he got a bottle of whiskey into the jail.

He replied, "...'Keestered it."

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Interesting story; Once when Rev. Jim and I were incarcerated in Las Vegas for being overly exhuberant while preaching the Word of God, we met a sinner who offered us a drink of cheap whiskey. Right there in the jail cell the man had a full bottle of "Wild Turkey," can you imagine?

I asked the heathen how he got a bottle of whiskey into the jail.

He replied, "...'Keestered it."

Dear Brother,

I love that story! And for those who don't know, that story became the basis for a stirring Seventh Heaven episode!

Yours in Him,
bab

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Interesting story; Once when Rev. Jim and I were incarcerated in Las Vegas for being overly exhuberant while preaching the Word of God, we met a sinner who offered us a drink of cheap whiskey. Right there in the jail cell the man had a full bottle of "Wild Turkey," can you imagine?

Wild Turkey? More like Wild Night! Pastor Zeke and I were so set on converting the lowest of the lowest sinners, so we started scouting out the seediest parts of Vegas, looking for fresh meat to convert. When a person is down and out, and selling their body for fifty bucks, they are in dire need of conversion. So yes, we actively set out to convert prostitutes. The plan was that Zeke would focus on the males and I would get the females. We had a running bet to see who could get more souls saved that night. (For the record it was a tie....3 each)

Unfortunately, undercover Las Vegas P.D. busted us both for "solicitation", which was just downright bogus. Yes, we were technically looking for prostitutes, but not for sex. And yes, I did ask the undercover lady cop what she charged and what kind of stuff she would do...but only because I was interested in her life. I want to know how far a person will go so I can help them.

So we were thrown in jail for the night, but our rich Joo lawyers got us out in a couple of hours and the charges were dropped. How dare Las Vegas P.D. have the audacity to assume that Godly men like Zeke and I were out there looking for cheap thrills with drugged-out hookers? We had to remind them that Jesus wants us to save everyone, even those that are worst off.

Matthew 25:40 Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done [it] unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done [it] unto me.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Every homer environmentalist hippie I've known has walked around as if they had a hair brush shove up their rectum. Now they are experimenting with promoting their homer agenda and their global warming hoax by shoving tubes up their anus to collect methane.

Take a look at Rectal Methane-Collecting Backpacks:

http://www.environmentalgraffiti.com/ecology/scientists-attach-rectal-methane-collecting-backpacks-to-cows/1390

[Jedediah]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

In my ministry to homosexuals who want to turn their life around, I have encountered more than one who has "blown out their o-ring", so to speak. Without a properly functioning phinxter muscle, they are destined to a life brown streaks running down their legs and wearing Depends.

Upon being cured, however, they have some powerful testimony to share with others who are tired of their behinds serving as jism receptacles and are instead ready to be entered by Jesus' penetrating love.

I'm sure their phinxters will be made whole again in Heaven.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

The foreign bodies found up sinners exit ramps would turn Christ's own stomach.

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

The foreign bodies found up sinners exit ramps would turn Christ's own stomach.

Looking at the link I am a little confused about how someone could not remove a broom handle themselves? It may be innocent, maybe they were going to a party dressed as a firework.

Sometimes even good Christians can find themselves inadvertantly in a similar situation. A slippery floor, a misplaced coke bottle. Next you are filling in an accident report form surrounded by giggling junior doctors.

However I am more careful now and it has only happened on a two or three occasions.

Yours

Jack

[Living_Water]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

For all the homers thinking about inserting foreign objects in your anus, you should read this text from a reliable medical source:

"Insertion of foreign objects into the anus is not without dangers. This area is fragile, the intestinal walls do not feel pain and for objects pushed too far, surgery may be necessary for removal (even without injury). Unsafe anal masturbation methods cause harm and a potential trip to the hospital emergency room."

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

And let's not forget the inevitable results of this disgusting hobby - GRID and "Gay" Bowel Syndrome.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

Few here will remember Pastor “Standing” Standering who served Landover from 1948 until his untimely death in 1951. Not long after his appointment, he undertook to “Stand up for the Lord” and remained standing, never sitting, for the best part of 3 years.

He died suddenly after slipping on ice in the winter of ’51. Church records were opened 50 years later and the results of the autopsy were made known.

He had obviously suffered a horrible accident and, rather than complain about the hand that God had served him, he made a Christian message of it… an example to us all.

[lukasekman]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

My brother works as a doctor on a trauma center. Once they got a guy with a medical emergency known as "Colon Prolapse Disorder". He literally shat out half of his colon. Case-fatality rate of CPD is 90 percent (higher than lung cancer), and there are just two known causes: One is ebola virus, and the other is the topic.

[Boudica]

Re: Unatural use of the anus leads to incontinence

So we were thrown in jail for the night, but our rich Joo lawyers got us out in a couple of hours and the charges were dropped.

What? No True Christian lawyers were at your side to rescue you?
And these Jewish lawyers did a fine job; got you out in a couple of hours AND got the charges dropped, yet you still mock them after they helped you?