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Default New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-19-2020, 02:37 AM

The year 2020 has been full of surprises — some good, some bad. (Okay, maybe all bad.) But if you can hang on until the last day of the year, then a real delight awaits you: a brand new album from country icon Roper Crossburn. Think of it as a vaccine for the soul.

But wait, you say. Isn’t Mr. Crossburn retired? Indeed, his 2018 LP Rapture was billed as his swan song — but by the legend’s own word, he never intended to hang up his Stetson.

“Why the hell would I stop making music?”

The arch of his eyebrows is like an old oak bridge over a moonlit gully, nuggets of gold twinkling in its depths. There are ages in that expression and in the rumble of his voice. “What a load of shit. Don’t put words in my mouth. When a man puts something in my mouth that don’t belong there, that’s when I relieve him of his teeth.”

So the album is nearly here, and it’s one from the heart. But what, exactly, is it all about?

For a songwriter who specializes in the politically charged (some have likened Crossburn to a conservative counterpart to the late John Prine), this year has brought a bumper crop of hot topics. Where to begin? There were the riots and chaos over just how much black lives really matter. The election, in which Roper’s favored candidate Donald Trump came up short. And of course, the COVID-19 pandemic, that modern-day plague that inspired so much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Another surprise: it isn’t about any of them.

Such events bleed into the lyrics, here and there. There is even one song, the rollicking Quarantine This!, that shows no mercy as it lampoons the death of liberty in the name of public health. But for the most part, Crossburn’s new release has a singular focus — one that is profoundly personal.

A Prayer for Billie, its title, offers a clue. All questions are answered in the opening track, I’m Not a “Bad Guy”.

“This record is about Billie Eilish,” the singer-songwriter says. “It’s a message to her that says I’m coming. I’m gonna save you from the Devil, and make you the good Christian woman God designed you to be. It’s also a message to the scum that have robbed her of that birthright by twisting her into a gothic whore. To them it says… you have no idea what’s about to hit you.”

As for how the 63-year-old crooner came to narrow his sights on the teen idol? Like many a creative vision, it began with a dream.

“I dreamt that she came to me, intent on luring me into sin,” explains Crossburn. “Not a thread on her little body. So I broke the bottle I was drinking from and cut her up real good. I awoke with cold sweat on my brow and a swelling in my drawers like I’d been bit by a black widow.”

It was his faith that carried him through this chilling experience.

“Needless to say, I got to praying. As I do anytime I find my manhood in an agitated state.

“When you speak to the Lord, He listens, and makes clear that which was obscure. And what the Lord made clear to me was that this young lady is innocent. She’s a victim of Satanic abuse, ritual abuse by the Jew demons who run the music business.”

Every Roper Crossburn album is buoyed by an underlying message of hope, and A Prayer for Billie is no different. It comes naturally to the artist, whose Christian faith carries the hope of salvation even to those lost in darkness.

“First they turn you into a living corpse, then a real one, a dead one.” He drags a thumb across his throat and makes a grotesque choking sound. “When I look in Billie’s eyes, I see a soul crying out for help. I do believe she can be saved.”

Longtime Rope-heads will find much to treasure here, and legions of new ones are sure to be born the moment the stentorian croon of the Voice of Freehold graces their speakers. However, the heart and soul of his act has always been the live stage. On the prospect of a future tour, Crossburn is hesitant, and not because of the coronavirus — which he considers a hoax.

“We’ll see. After Moody’s, I don’t know.”

He refers, of course, to the tragedy that took place at Moody’s Music Barn on August 25, 2018.

Prior to Mr. Crossburn’s scheduled performance, a masked gunman stormed the stage and opened fire on the crowd, then fled after appearing to hurt his hand. Two concertgoers were killed and over a dozen injured, including a mother of four who remains in a vegetative state. Police later found Crossburn unconscious inside a flight case. The unsolved nature of the attack weighs heavily on his mind.

“Someone’s out to get me,” he says. “That much is obvious. But I ain’t one to go down without a fight.”

He picks up a guitar. It’s a stunning Gibson acoustic, vintage yet lovingly maintained, its wood grain mirroring the lines on its owner’s face. He closes his eyes and hums a hint of a tune: Gay Bowel Blues, one of the jewels of his catalog. Then he strums — and winces in pain.

“Goddamn arthritis,” he mutters. “The hell with that chink doctor.”

Though the years have taken their toll on his body, they have served only to polish his body of work. Don’t miss the next chapter when it arrives December 31.






Last edited by Virginia Day Templeton; 11-19-2020 at 04:59 AM.
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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-19-2020, 04:09 AM

A new Roper Crossburn album! And in stereo! My prayers have been answered.

Just one question: who is Billy Eyelash?


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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-19-2020, 04:48 AM

Willamina Eilish was a lovely girl, once. Now Satan’s highway runs between her legs. It won’t be long before her womb is as barren as a tomb.

Say, that rhymes! I've got to use it in a song.



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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-19-2020, 04:10 PM

Why, thank you Roper! Back in the day, I used to like listening to music, but all this new garbage put me off. Your songs and albums brought back that pleasure and I was sad when you announced your retirement.


However, as the saying goes, "You can take the music out of the man, but you can't take the man out of the music."





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-19-2020, 07:07 PM

I wonder how many Crammies Roper will win at next year's Christian music awards. This could will be another clean sweep. Of course, I'm sure he thinks the real prize will be winning Miss Eilish's lithe and comely soul.

This should be the best concert tour ever. Nobody can pack a stadium with screaming fans all jammed together the way Roper Crossburn can. No doubt the enthusiasm will spread like wildfire throughout our great nation.


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Bible Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-22-2020, 11:49 AM

They may of stolen our election but they will never steal our hearts! We need God fearing men to stand up and hold a line against Satan!



I need to contact Miss Cookie in the Church office and make a pre-order.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-23-2020, 01:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
Think of it as a vaccine for the soul.
It won't give me autism of the soul, will it?


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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-27-2020, 03:54 AM

This press release refers to my Dedicated Fans as "Rope-heads". A phrase to which I object. Rope-heads are blacks who wear their hair like a nest of ugly snakes, in imitation of the talentless dope addict Bob Marley. They all deserve another rope... a long one.

No Fan of mine has ropes on his head, I assure you.

The proper term which bears my Seal of Approval is Rope-Blasters. Because my music is made to be played LOUD!



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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-27-2020, 04:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
A proper term which bears my Seal of Approval is Rope-Blasters.
This is good to know. I thought we were rope gropers, but Rope-Blasters is much better.


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Default Re: New Album Announcement! December 31, 2020! - 11-27-2020, 08:10 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roper Crossburn View Post
This press release refers to my Dedicated Fans as "Rope-heads". A phrase to which I object. Rope-heads are blacks who wear their hair like a nest of ugly snakes, in imitation of the talentless dope addict Bob Marley. They all deserve another rope... a long one.
Word of advice: you can save a lot of rope by using a low branch.


16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
1 Thess 4:16-17
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