[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

Re: False Religions And Cults

I thought I'd bring up a new cult I stumbled upon recently:

Christianity! And boy, what a cult it is. They get all their information from a 1900 year old book which, as near as anyone can tell, was written by multiple different /men/ (and not by any sort of divine being), is internally inconsistent, and is, by all measures, complete and utter bullshit.

They use the "reasoning" (I add quotation marks because Christians don't actually use reason) provided for them by their false god to justify war, murder, genocide, persecution and humiliation. Sounds bad, right? I thought so too.

Someone should have murdered this 'Jesus' as a babe, before he could spread his hateful message to anyone, and burned the original writings of the Bible - for the salvation of all mankind.

Yeah, better that we should follow the words of a book dictated 1300 years by some goat herding illiterate superstitious fool who believed horses could fly, right Haji?

[Didymus Much]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Yeah, better that we should follow the words of a book dictated 1300 years by some goat herding illiterate superstitious fool who believed horses could fly, right Haji?

It's even better than that, Pastor. All of the original sources (which were hearsay at best) were systematically destroyed after the compilation of the True™ Koran, 200 some-odd years after Mo kicked off.

[the dude]

Re: False Religions And Cults

could someone please explain to me where in the Bible it says that whites are the master race? i've been looking, but seeing as Jesus was a Jew, and i can't seem to find any mention of his warnings about the Chinese, Asians, Arabs, or anyone who doesn't have pale skin anywhere in there...

also, and correct me if i'm wrong, but the bible you read dictates that all those who aren't white male Christians are sub-human and deserve to be treated as trash, right? and all those who don't attend your church worship satan?

[the dude]

Re: False Religions And Cults

oh and the handicapped are also evil too, right?

they managed to piss God off enough as a fetus to merit some mental or physical disfigurement?

if you want to look at a false religion or a cult, fix your church first. the Bible does not preach hatred towards women, other races, or the handicapped. in fact, it pushes true believers to help them see the truth of the Word, and failing that, treat them with a little human decency

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: False Religions And Cults

oh and the handicapped are also evil too, right?

Duh! Why else would God punish them with a handicap! He clearly punished you with a malfunctioning brain for masturbating all the time.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: False Religions And Cults

oh and the handicapped are also evil too, right?

they managed to piss God off enough as a fetus to merit some mental or physical disfigurement?

if you want to look at a false religion or a cult, fix your church first. the Bible does not preach hatred towards women, other races, or the handicapped. in fact, it pushes true believers to help them see the truth of the Word, and failing that, treat them with a little human decency

Dear Fool;

God hates cripples. Read about it HERE.


YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: False Religions And Cults

could someone please explain to me where in the Bible it says that whites are the master race?

Why? Are you some kind of racist who wants to find justification for your prejudices in the Bible? You won't find any. Anyone can be saved, no matter what color they are. If you are some sort of bigot, please take it elsewhere. Racism is not tolerated on this forum.

also, and correct me if i'm wrong, but the bible you read dictates that all those who aren't white male Christians are sub-human and deserve to be treated as trash, right? and all those who don't attend your church worship satan?

No, friend, our Bible doesn't say anything of the sort. We read the King James Bible.

I think the book you are looking for is called Mein Kampf.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: False Religions And Cults

the Bible does not preach hatred towards women

It depends on what you call hatred. If you call love allowing women to play the whore and behave immodestly and dress like men and be troubled with their own thoughts instead of submitting meekly to the will of their fathers or husbands then I guess you would think God hates women.

Deuteronomy 22:5
The woman shall not wear that which pertains to a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination to the LORD your God.

1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

If instructing women on how to not burn for all eternity is hate then maybe the fault lies with YOU!

[Former Atheist]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Mathematicians worship something they call the "set", which they say can "contain" anything, even Jesus (Blessed be His name!).

Their idols are named Zermelo, Frankel, Gauss, and Satan, and they are all going straight to Hell.

There is only one right way to do a math proof, and it doesn't involve demonic sets, and it looks like this:



AND THEN A MIRACLE OCCURRS is the most important step in any math proof, because the LORD JESUS is always makin miracles in this world of ours.

WHO'S WITH ME?

[elenfelix]

Re: False Religions And Cults

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Please post any new false religions you run across on this thread, so that they can be added to the register.

Amish
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Worship: Hard work, mules, horses, and Satan.
Trivia Fact: The Amish think that they are saved through hard work and eschewing God's gifts of electricity and modern technology. If God didn't want us to have electricity, He wouldn't have made lightning out of it, and He certainly wouldn't have told Thomas Edison how to make electricity by rubbing two magnets together.

Asatru (Asstrue - an obvious reference to the copious amount of anal sex in their rituals)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo, JustAGuy
worship: The Mighty Thor, a character created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby in 1962. They also worship the later characters, Thor's evil half-brother Loki, Heimdal, Baldur, Sif, and Odin. But most important is the so-called "All-Father", Satan himself.

Atheists/agnostics
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and believe in the religion of Evolution and Science

Australian Abrollers
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: Bunyips -- which are demons in the form of a giant marsupial badger, and Satan

Bahai (Be high)
Submitted by: FUNdaMENTAL
Definition: Basically the same thing as the Unitarians, except they claim GOD told them to believe anything they want to.
Worship: Some guy named Bahulla Balooga, and Satan

Being f***ing decent to others despite our differences. (BFDtodod)
Submitted by: VGrid101
worship: Satan

Buddhists (boodists)
Submitted by: Pastor Nereu Gargalo
worship: an obese naked Chinaman, and Satan

Cargo Cults
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
worship: Coke bottles, banana crates, and Satan

catlicks (catlicks)
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan and Mary

Chinese Universists
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Beliefs: A mess of ying/yang cosmology, taoist and boodhist nonsense.
Worship: Household gods, dead relatives, and Satan.

Deism
Submitted By: The Enlightenments
Worship: The "dual nature" of Satan.
Trivia Fact: This "religion" was invented by Thomas Jefferson solely as a ploy to keep references to Jesus out of the wicked U.S. Constitution.

Daoism/Taoism
Submitted by: SifuPhil, with additional information provided by Petal, Tim Tungtalker, and Glendora Christianson.
Definition: A pack of strung-out junkies perfoming Tai Chi, drinking Chai Tea, smoking pot, drinking beer, sleeping with every woman in town, drinking rum, and shoving bananas in various orafices. They claim to achieve everything by doing nothing and they believe in Ying Yan Yuck Yoo, the circle, half black, half white, half witted.
Worship: Nothing, everything, nature, and Satan.

Discordianism (Disco Accordionists)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
Definition: Wannabe atheists who pray to a Greek goddess named Eric and think that saying fwords while stroking their penile glands is the way to salvation.
Worship: Eric, the number 23, and Satan.

Druidism (Drooish)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of sad English gits dress up in the local drama groups' plastic chainmail, then run around the countryside waving cardboard swords at each other.
Worship: Stonehenge, Satan.

Eastern Orthodox Church
Submitted by: Phatcatlick
worship: Icons (paintings), dead bodies, fingers, toenails, incense and satan

Environmentalists (Tree-Huggers)
Submitted by: Patrick O'Kelley
worship: a minor demon named 'Gaia', spotted owls, snail darters, and Satan.

Episcapalians (Joe Piscapalians)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: the King of England, and Satan.

Free masons jars
Submitted by: TemplarPHI
Definition: An ancient society of old men who think they can unravel the secrets of the universe by drinking liquor and playing poker for two hours every Wednesday night and who don't realize how stupid they look in robes.
Worship: Archways, elevators, the letter 'G', and Satan.

Gnostics
Submitted by: Remy Lebeau
Definition: Animists who dabble in meditation, chanting and astral travel (destination - Hell), in an effort to gain demonhood. Keep potted plants and gravel as pets.
Worship: Satan, and an assortment of minor demons (fairies, gnomes, undines).

Goddess worship (Godless worship)
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Beliefs: Basically, the opposite of whatever the Holy King James Bible teaches. This is particularly true in the area of male-female relations; in addition, since the Bible attaches such importance to eating meat, goddess worshipers tend to be vegans.
Practices: Hating men; channeling through crystals (Satan's cell phones)
Clergy: Homeresses who are bitter about not being men, so they buy all of their clothes at Steven Windsor Big and Tall Men.
What they worship: The goddess (that is, Satan in drag)

Hindus (Hindaloos)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: thousands of individual Demons, each masquerading as a god, and Satan.

New: Hitchhikers in the Galaxy
Description: People with no lives who have chanced upon a book and now parrot quotes from that book to explain everything in their dreary existence.
What they worship: The number 42, and Satan.

Hong Feng Shooey
Submitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: The ancient Oriental art of arranging your furniture so that Satan can move about more easily.
Clergy: Overpaid homer interior decorators; overpaid "postmodern" (i.e., homer) architects.
What they worship: Qi, which is a Chinese nickname for Satan.

Hottentots (Hot-to-trots)
Submitted by: Pastor Nerue Gargalo
worship: a minor demon named Gay-nab, and Satan

Injuns
Submitted by: Virginia D. Templeton
Definition: Feather-sporting savages, their faces red from shame at having rejected Jesus, who masturbate with the scalps of Christians and scheme to steal our money through their monolithic network of sin-ridden casinos.
Worship: The Great Spirit (AKA Satan), lesser spirits (AKA Satan), and buffalo.

Jainism (Jane-ism)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worships: Satan in a fluffy animal costume.

Jehovy Witnesses
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan (God's name is not Jehova, it is Jealous, see Ex 34:14)

Jews (Joos)
Submitted by: ayatollah moomintroll
Worship: money. And Satan

Juggalo Faith
Submitted by: Jenny D
Definition: Drug addicts who believe that not washing ones hair, wearing clown makeup, drinking cheap soda, and buying officially licensed merchandise makes one a ninja, not years of specialized martial arts training.
Worship: Clowns, Faggo, and Satan -- the ringmaster of the Dark Carnival

Messianic Joodaism
Submitted By: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of confused Joos trying to make amends for killing Jesus.
Worship: 'Yeshua of Nazareth' (Joo-speak for Jim Caviezel), and Satan.

Metropolitan Community "Church"
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
Description: A "church" that preaches have-a-nice-day Unitarianism to homers.
History: Founded by Troy Perry, who was so far out that not even the Pennycoastals wanted him around anymore.
What they worship: Leftist politics, rug-munching, and Satan.

Mithraism (Mythicallism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
worship: Mithras, son of Acura Mazda (see Zoroastrians), referred to as 'the Light of the World' by his demonic followers. This 'religion' is an obvious Satanic mockery of Christianity. According to this ridiculous myth, Mithras was born of a virgin, said 'I am the way and the light, and only through me can ye be saved.', went around performing miricles, held a last supper with his followers, and died to save mankind but was resurrected and ascended into Heaven. Some of the religious practices include ritualistic baptism, drinking wine and eating bread to symbolize Mithras' blood and body, holding Sundays sacred, an an annual celebration of Mithras' birth on December 25. This religion was popular among the Roman soldiers that were in charge of suppressing Jewish revolts between 200 BC and 70 AD.

Moonies (Loonies); official members of the Unification (Loonification) Church.
Submitted by: JonFish85
Worship: The sun, the moon, Sun Myung Moon, and Satan.
Trivia facts: Despite their gruesome recruitment methods (eg, threatening to cut off their target's quivering fingers if said target refuses to sign up for Korean 101), many moonies are surprisingly sensitive about being called "moonies", as it offends their delicate moonie sensibilities.

Mormons
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben, LSD Joe
Definition: Rural folks who believe that salvation can be had by marrying all of one's female cousins and wearing goofy underwear.
Trivia fact: Believe that Jesus came back as a gunfighter in the old west.
worship: Nehi grape soda and Satan.

Muslims (mudslims)
Submitted by: the
worship: the Moon, although they are really bowing to Satan, who told them to worship the Moon

New agers
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of white, middle-class baby boomers begin calling themselves silly names, e.g., 'John-of-the-Purple-Thunder-Buttocked', and 'Red-Lady-of-the Moon-Menses', in an attempt to give their lives more meaning.
Worship: Crystals, aliens, newspaper horoscopes, Satan.

Palo Mayombe aka Palo Montenegro
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Bobbing for human bones in a boiling cauldron.
Worship: a pair of bull-dyke demonettes named Nganga and Prenda.

Pentacostals (Pennycoastals)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: snakes and Satan.

Presbyterians, Lex Lutherans, Baptists Other Than Landover Baptists, and Methamphetadists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: think they worship Jesus, but because of their false, non-Baptist doctrines, they are so twisted around that they are really worshipping Satan. (I realize that "false" and "non-Baptist" are redundant, I'm just trying to drive the point home, praise Jesus!)

Puritans
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: A group of English Heretics who think they are saved by good works and drab clothes.
Worship: corn and Satan.

Quakers
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: oatmeal, and Satan.

Raelians (Ray-Aliens)
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: a group of Demons that pretend to be aliens from "other planets", when everyone knows that there are no other planets, and those lights in the sky are just that -- little lights a few miles up that can fall right to the ground if Jesus sneezes hard enough. See Rev 6:13.

Rastafarians (Pasta-Reefermans)
Submitted by: Friar Waire
worship: Satan -- they are to stoned and lazy to worship anything, but because Jesus said, "He who is not with me is against me", they worship Satan by default.

Reiki Followers
Submitted by: Brother Mike
Description: So called 'energy healing' which teaches satanic Hindu concepts as well as satanic Pagan concepts. The healing is perverted, they 'lay hands' on each other which is just an excuse to practise homersexuality and adultery.
History: Founded by some homersexual Japanese gook.
What they worship: Angels and a new age God which is of course satan and his demon minions in disguise.

Rosacruces
Submitted By: Moonflower13
Definition: Brazilian trash eating psilocybin mushrooms and digging through gravel pits.
Worships: rocks, rock spirits, rock music, and Satan.

Salvation Army
Submitted by: JonFish85
Definition: Elderly panhandlers with a fetish for army uniforms. These degenerates sing and play tambourines for money, usually at the entrances of Godly Corporations™.
Worship: Musty old clothing, musty old people; but both old and new money.

Santeria (Satanism)
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: Bunch of cathylicks get honest with themselves and quit pretending to love JESUS.
Practices: Sacrificing chickens, possession by Satan.
Worship: Dead cathylicks and Satan.

Satanists
Submitted by: the
Worship: Satan

Scientologists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: Satan and Elron Hubbard is his prophet.

Seculiar Humanists
Submitted by: Pastor Billy-Reuben
worship: themselves, and Satan.

Shinto
Submitted by: Mrs. Rogers
Definition: The Japs, their minds muddled by Confucianism (i.e., Satanism), begin making tiny paper swans out of serviettes (origami) to appease their dead relatives. This is when they are not busy worshipping the Jap royal family (i.e., Satan), or performing ritual dances (i.e., possession by Satan).
Worship: Dead relatives, and Satan.

Sikhism (Sick-ism)
Sumbitted by: More Saved Than Thou
History: A group of demon-possessed people in India weren't sure whether they could outrage Jesus more by becoming hindaloos or mooselimbs, so they picked the worst aspects of both religions.
Beliefs: Their false god commands them to wear turbans, grow scruffy beards, and manage gas stations.
What they worship: Ceremonial daggers and Satan.

Unitarians
Submitted by: Born Again Bob
worship: Satan. This religion represents a unification of every false religion and their followers are allowed to choose their own paths to Satan.

United Church of Christ
Submitted by: Larry Lee
The once-glorious True Christian™ Church of the Pilgrims and Puritans (who can forget "Sinners In The Hands Of An Angry God") has, in our time, so utterly embraced Satan that even the members of the UCC Divine Revelation that their Church's initials stand for 'Unitarians Considering Christ.' Furthermore, these debased hellhounds advocate the ordination of women and even install women as the pastors of congregations that include men. Lastly, I hope you're sitting down this malignant group welcomes gays and lesbians into their worship services and communities. Jesus weeps! Recently, they were in the news because the television networks refused to air their recruitment tape.
Worship: Satan

Vampirism
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: a sexual perversion in which pleasure and especially sexual pleasure is obtained by the drawing of blood
Worship: bats, blood, gay blood orgies and Satan.

New: Various agricultural religions of antiquity
Beliefs: To ensure a good harvest, a deity had to be incarnated in human form every year just to be sacrificed. Adherents never quite got around to explaining why all that was necessary; surely an omnipotent God could ensure a good harvest just by saying, "Let there be a good harvest."
What they worshiped: Crops, the seasons, and Satan.

Voodoo
Submitted By: Moonflower13, Brother Dave
Definition: Voodoo combines the worst elements of two other Satan-glorifying religions, Witchcraft and catlickism. Believers are able to call upon demons to turn corpses into zombies under their control.
Worship: the Pope, toy dolls and Satan.

Wiccans (wickedans) aka Witches
Submitted by: the
worship: Satan

Zoroastrians (Zorro-Astrologists)
Submitted by: Sri Krishna Chapata
worship: a demon named Acura Mazda, and Satan. This religion was created by Satan (HaShatan) solely to mock the religion of the Israelites while under Babylonian captivity, adding insult to injury.

People who speaks cruelly about brothers are products of false religions.
[/COLOR][/COLOR]

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: False Religions And Cults

products of false religions.

Yes, we get it already that you are a product of false religion.

[FallenAngel15]

Re: False Religions And Cults

Well I have recently discovered a new and disturbing fake religion, that quite frankly worries me.

Name: GaGaism.
Worship: Lady GaGa aka "The mother monster." and as I suspect Satan.
Followers: "Little Monsters"
Triviaractioners of GaGaism are encouraged to be gay, feminazi's and do a whole bunch of disgusting stuff.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: False Religions And Cults

[COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"][COLOR="rgb(139, 0, 0)"]

People who speaks cruelly about brothers are products of false religions.
[/COLOR][/COLOR]

2 Thess. 3:6: Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: False Religions And Cults

New submission:
orthodox / orto-dicks
worship: ortho version of catlicks (see above), with 40% more false idolatry and 30% less pedophilia,

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: False Religions And Cults

I'm at a loss with this one - I just don't where to start...

Dear Lord - she worships a teapot!

Malaysian 'teapot cult' woman loses Islam legal bid



Malaysia's civil court has refused a woman permission to leave Islam to avoid being jailed for apostasy.

Kamariah Ali, 60, says she should not be tried under Islamic law because she is no longer a Muslim.

She follows the Sky Kingdom sect, known as the teapot cult because it built a giant teapot to symbolise its belief in the healing purity of water.

But judges ruled that only Malaysia's Islamic courts could decide on the case because Ms Kamariah was born a Muslim.

Malaysia's Islamic courts have authority over only Muslims - the rest of the population are not bound by their rules.

The BBC's Jennifer Pak in Kuala Lumpur says Ms Kamariah's case is one of a growing number of legal challenges brought by those caught between the Islamic authorities and the civil courts.

Ms Kamariah had asked the civil courts to declare her freedom to worship, as guaranteed by the constitution.

But the judging panel said she had to go through the Islamic courts system in order to renounce her faith - something that is rarely granted, our correspondent says.
A police officer and several unidentified people inspect damage inflicted on a religious sect's commune in northern Terengganu, 18 July 2005 The group's buildings were attacked in 2005, but the teapot survived

The dual-track system has created problems for people who want to convert to another religion from Islam, or in child-custody battles involving Muslims and non-Muslims.

The most high-profile case involved a Muslim father who secretly converted his children to Islam. He gained custody through the Islamic courts while the mother, a Hindu, was granted guardianship under civil law.

The Sky Kingdom sect, based in the strongly Muslim state of Terengganu, is regarded as heretical by the Islamic authorities.

It claims to promote harmony between religious groups, and its leader Ayah Pin believes he is the saviour of the world.

In 2005 many of its members - including Ms Kamariah - were prosecuted by the Islamic authorities. Ayah Pin is believed to have fled to Thailand.