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  • Paragon of virtue
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Jan 2013
    • 547
    #2776
    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

    Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
    True and I have broken quite a few of them sharing my Love of Jesus with the Satan filled red buttocks of children.

    The person below me does not sit in the front pew.
    It's true...I like to sit near the exit so I can jot down the names of false members who try to leave early or go out for a devilish smoke break...then later in my prayer closet, I ask the Lord to correct them for their misdeeds.

    The person below me refuses to accept Obamacare

      Comment

      • Alexandria Puckett
        Forum Member
        Forum Member
        • Mar 2013
        • 256
        #2777
        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

        Originally posted by Paragon of virtue View Post
        It's true...I like to sit near the exit so I can jot down the names of false members who try to leave early or go out for a devilish smoke break...then later in my prayer closet, I ask the Lord to correct them for their misdeeds.

        The person below me refuses to accept Obamacare
        Ugh, don't you know it. But I'm not one to gripe about politics, so i'll leave it at that.

        The person under me does not own a cell phone.
        But he answered and said, it is not right to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs. (Matthew 15:26)

          Comment

          • Holly Graham
            True Christian™
            • Apr 2013
            • 348
            #2778
            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

            Originally posted by Alexandria Puckett View Post
            Ugh, don't you know it. But I'm not one to gripe about politics, so i'll leave it at that.

            The person under me does not own a cell phone.
            True. I do not own one. If I need to make a call, Mr Holly does it for me.



            The person under me has eaten jello recently

              Comment

              • Pastor Ezekiel
                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                 
                • Sep 2006
                • 78556
                #2779
                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                Originally posted by HolyHolly View Post
                The person under me has eaten jello recently
                Not since that Church potluck when we all got food poisoning from old lady Gilbert's "Jelloed Cabbage Souffle."



                The person under me has a different pair of shoes for each day of the month.
                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • Mary Etheldreda
                    Gushing for Jesus
                     
                    • Sep 2011
                    • 23775
                    #2780
                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    Not since that Church potluck when we all got food poisoning from old lady Gilbert's "Jelloed Cabbage Souffle."



                    The person under me has a different pair of shoes for each day of the month.
                    False. Mr. Etheldreda is far too practical to spend money on shoes for a woman.

                    the person under me doesn't brush his/her teeth because prayer is more than enough to thwart bacteria!
                    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                      Comment

                      • Mary Thompson
                        True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
                        True Christian™
                        • Mar 2013
                        • 653
                        #2781
                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                        Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                        False. Mr. Etheldreda is far too practical to spend money on shoes for a woman.

                        the person under me doesn't brush his/her teeth because prayer is more than enough to thwart bacteria!
                        True. And my teeth are as white as snow!
                        The person under me used to be a Cathlick.
                        Thinking of Abortion?
                        That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
                        Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

                          Comment

                          • Basilissa
                            South of the Border outreach program
                            True Christian™
                             
                            • Mar 2013
                            • 12993
                            #2782
                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                            Originally posted by Mary Thompson View Post
                            True. And my teeth are as white as snow!
                            The person under me used to be a Cathlick.
                            True These were the dark ages of my life.

                            The person under me doesn't watch television.
                            God created fossils to test our faith.

                            * * *

                            My favorite LBC sermons:
                            True Christians are Perfect!
                            True Christian™ Love.
                            Salvation™ made Easy!
                            You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                            Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                            Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                             Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                            Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                            The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                            Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                            God HATES Rational Thinking!
                            True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                              Comment

                              • Pastor Ezekiel
                                Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                 
                                • Sep 2006
                                • 78556
                                #2783
                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                Originally posted by Basilissa View Post

                                The person under me doesn't watch television.
                                False. I watch Christian TV. I could watch Benny Hinn heal spearchuckers in africa all day!






                                The person under me often beats his servants, as the Bible commands.
                                Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                  Comment

                                  • Sammy The Penitent
                                    Forum Member
                                    Forum Member
                                    • Nov 2012
                                    • 289
                                    #2784
                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

                                    The person under me often beats his servants, as the Bible commands.
                                    True. But only when they spill something on the rug or leave a crumb on the table.

                                    The person under me loves steak.
                                    2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                                      Comment

                                      • Alexandria Puckett
                                        Forum Member
                                        Forum Member
                                        • Mar 2013
                                        • 256
                                        #2785
                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                        Originally posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
                                        True. But only when they spill something on the rug or leave a crumb on the table.

                                        The person under me loves steak.
                                        True True True! And I make the best marinade, old family secret with my own little twist. John and I love grilling together He gets to be manly and I'm with the food I love!
                                        Win win! grilling is always the way to go, granted the hubby isn't busy.

                                        The person under me has once misquoted scripture.
                                        But he answered and said, it is not right to take the children's bread and cast it to the dogs. (Matthew 15:26)

                                          Comment

                                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                             
                                            • Sep 2006
                                            • 78556
                                            #2786
                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                            Originally posted by Alexandria Puckett View Post

                                            The person under me has once misquoted scripture.
                                            NEVER! I committed the Holy Bible to memory long go. This Pastor is flawless.




                                            The person under me has seen a ghost.
                                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                              Comment

                                              • James Hutchins
                                                True Christian™
                                                Just a Regular Nice Guy
                                                 
                                                • Jun 2009
                                                • 29453
                                                #2787
                                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                                                NEVER! I committed the Holy Bible to memory long go. This Pastor is flawless.




                                                The person under me has seen a ghost.
                                                I have! His name is Jesus and He is Holy!

                                                The person under me knows all about french food.
                                                Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                                                Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                                                Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                                                Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                                                Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                                                Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Holly Graham
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    • Apr 2013
                                                    • 348
                                                    #2788
                                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                    Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                                                    I have! His name is Jesus and He is Holy!

                                                    The person under me knows all about french food.
                                                    Well, it's sort of true. Sometimes Mr. Holly lets me shop at our local French store, "Tar-Jay," and I frequent their produce department and bakery. Sorry, bout you couldn't get any more French than that! Oooh la la.

                                                    (PS..it's spelled "Target," but the g sounds like a j)

                                                    ****
                                                    The person under me has been known to dance to Garth Brooks songs

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Sammy The Penitent
                                                        Forum Member
                                                        Forum Member
                                                        • Nov 2012
                                                        • 289
                                                        #2789
                                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                        Originally posted by Holly Gram View Post
                                                        Well, it's sort of true. Sometimes Mr. Holly lets me shop at our local French store, "Tar-Jay," and I frequent their produce department and bakery. Sorry, bout you couldn't get any more French than that! Oooh la la.

                                                        (PS..it's spelled "Target," but the g sounds like a j)

                                                        ****
                                                        The person under me has been known to dance to Garth Brooks songs
                                                        True. I take Mrs. Penitent out dancing to Garth when she behaves herself and I think she deserves it.

                                                        The person under me proudly flies a six foot American Flag on their front porch.
                                                        2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Marc Thyme
                                                            Forum Member
                                                            Forum Member
                                                            • Apr 2013
                                                            • 46
                                                            #2790
                                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                            Originally posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
                                                            The person under me proudly flies a six foot American Flag on their front porch.
                                                            False. I proudly display an eight-foot American flag along with a two-star service flag representing my two Godly sons who are currently serving in our military and spreading the good news about Jesus Christ to every corner of the globe they visit. One was recently in The Philippines, a known bastion of Islamic lunacy and was able to minister to dozens of young females he found wallowing in depravity and sin. Their lives are forever changed and my son has put each and every one of them in touch with Jesus Christ. My other son, who will be returning from Afghanistan, another godless hellhole, has spent countless hours with the Afghan people surrounding Bagram Air Base, , especially those poor young women he met in the bazaars who have been abused by their muslimp husbands, teaching them about Jesus, successfully converting dozens through his hands-on ministry. I'll be taking his mother to the Godly state of Kentucky to see him return next month.

                                                            The person below me regularly consumes granola.
                                                            Yours always in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior,

                                                            Marc

                                                              Comment

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