[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

I gently kissed her on the forehead and said "Welcome to the flock, my child." I then proceeded to caress her all over her body to calm her down.

We arranged to have twice-a-week Bible study at her apartment. I really hope she genuinely accepted Christ instead of saying what I wanted to hear her say in order to get me out of her apartment. But, considering how emotionally fragile she got and how she broke down, I do believe she was pushed over the tipping point into accepting Jesus.

Great work Reverend Jim! That's one more soul saved for Jesus. I have to admire your methods - I wish I had your talent. Usually I have to slip a couple of roofies into their drinks in order to get women to passively accept that Jesus is coming.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2009

A call came in about a prowler this evening in the northwest quadrant. I was already there so I responded...
...

Let's all pray that through his repeated visits, the Reverend Osborne will lead this young, beautiful woman to the feet of Jesus Christ!

Thank you so much for your assistance, Officer Don. I don't think that woman was ever going to open the door until you showed up! I'd like you to know once I got inside, it was a complete success. After you left, I stood inside her doorway and confronted her. Now, I'm a rather robust gentleman...6'2, 295 lbs of pure Jesus love. She was a petite thing, only 5'1 and about 110 lbs. I don't know if she thought I was going to hurt her or not so she began to sob uncontrollably. "What do you want from me?!?! Why are you following me!" she moaned.

"I just want to spread the Good News to you that Jesus Christ died for your sins. The only way to escape Hellfire is through Jesus Christ alone, as per John 14:6" I responded, my voice firm and turgid.

"But why do you stalk me? You're everywhere! I see you when I go to work, at work, when I come home!", she said.

My voice lowered and became a bit softer. "Because the Holy Spirit is guiding me towards you. Jesus loves you so much He sent me to witness to you and bring you to Him. Jesus loves you....I love you." I said to her as I looked deep into those soft eyes of hers.

I brought her down to the couch and we both sat down. I plopped open my trusty King James Bible and began to testify. After about an hour or so, she was finally breaking down and beginning to accept it. At the climax she had her head in my lap, with my hands running through her soft brown hair, and her saying over and over "I accept Jesus Christ as my savior."

I gently kissed her on the forehead and said "Welcome to the flock, my child." I then proceeded to caress her all over her body to calm her down.

We arranged to have twice-a-week Bible study at her apartment. I really hope she genuinely accepted Christ instead of saying what I wanted to hear her say in order to get me out of her apartment. But, considering how emotionally fragile she got and how she broke down, I do believe she was pushed over the tipping point into accepting Jesus.

All this thanks to the wonderful work of Officer Don! If he hadn't let me in, I might've got a faceful of pepper spray...from her. Now, she has accepted Jesus and I'm coming over her house again on Wednesday to discuss 1 Corinthians with her and also set up a tithing plan and schedule.

Chalk up another win for Jesus!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Did they ever catch whoever raped the 77-year-old woman yet, as was mentioned on another thread?

Just wondering

I usually ignore rape cases altogether as they are a waste of time. Women who get raped are victims of God, not people. What do they want us to do? Arrest God?

If they do want to catch the rapist, they need to arrest every single atheist in the state. All atheists are potential rapists, murderers, thieves and communists. No reason why we should just sit around waiting for them to snap.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Did they ever catch whoever raped the 77-year-old woman yet, as was mentioned on another thread?

Just wondering

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2009

A call came in about a prowler this evening in the northwest quadrant. I was already there so I responded.

The call originated from the singles' apartments across the street from the Fistings Memorial.

According to the caller, a man was prowling outside her apartment and had been harrassing her for several days at various different times and locations.

I was relieved to see that the apartment in question was a ground level apartment and I would not have to climb the stairs. (My feet hurt.)

When I approached the door, I was surprised to see our own Rev. Jim already on the scene! "Thank God" I thought, that there was a True Christian manly man to take care of this prowler!

Jim stopped me and explained just what was going on. Apparently he had met this young lady at God's Gym® downtown and the Holy Spirit had placed a burden on his heart to lead her to salvation. She was, like so many of her young and foolish generation, stubborn and rebellious, and even had the nerve to walk away from his ministering!

Apparently Rev. Osborne had obtained her address and had come here to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with her! And she called the cops for it!

I would have none of this, so I pounded on her door with my flashlight until she opened up.

I told the little hussy that she was trampling on Reverend Jim's religious rights by not submitting to what he had to say, and that she was going to be placed under arrest for falsifying a police report. (Preachers have nothing but the best intentions for all of us! They aren't stalkers!)

But I took sympathy on her and told her I wouldn't arrest her if she would allow the good Reverend to come inside, have dinner and study the Bible with her. She agreed, and I told her never to waste the FPD's time like this ever again or she'd be in deep trouble.

I felt really good about this for the rest of the evening. It's always rewarding to be able to settle these disputes peaceably. And it goes to show that if one door closes, God will open another, amen?

Let's all pray that through his repeated visits, the Reverend Osborne will lead this young, beautiful woman to the feet of Jesus Christ!

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

thanks Ofc Don
In light of the freedoms that the Constitution and the Good Lord has bestowed upon Freehold and True Christians ,I most likley change from salt rock to buck shot or I will show the intruders an extra good time with my 44 mag. Now that is an attention getter .

God bless and keep up the good work!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

You don't suppose that was the same feller that was dumpster diving do ya?

By your description I don't think they were the same person. The negro I stopped on the sidewalk was an older man, and his hair was starting to gray. However, that doesn't mean he was any less dangerous.

I am not in any trouble for shooting off my shot gun in city limits am I ? Emil was working the night shift and I was just protecting our property.I was afraid ,after all I am a lady that was alone.If there is a fine ,let me know and I will pay it.

I am proud to tell you that Freehold has no laws prohibiting the use of firearms within the city limits. Unlike liberal university towns and coastal cities, Freehold has nothing but respect for the 2nd Amendment.*

Additionally, if somebody is on your property (or within the general vicinity) you have every right to plug him with a few rounds.

*Please take note that there are certain prohibitions that apply to immigrants owning or using firearms within city limits. This includes people whose families immigrated from Africa, the middle east or Mexico within the last 300 years.

[Lola Handcock]

Re: Policing Freehold

Last night I heard some noise coming from out back of the mobile home by the trash cans,when I looked out the door is saw two eyes glowing in the moon light.
I ran inside and grabbed my double barrel 12 GA.shot gun and let both barrels fly.They are filled with Rock Salt,I don't like to harm varmints unless they are for dinner.Anyhow that feller let loose with a scream when that salt hit his back side,he started to run to the front yard to get to his car.I reloaded and let two more shots go,I lit up his back side but good.It was a colored fella about 6 feet tall about 185 lbs. He jumped in to a late model Cadillac Eldorado,red in color with Illinois plates.

You don't suppose that was the same feller that was dumpster diving do ya?

I am not in any trouble for shooting off my shot gun in city limits am I ? Emil was working the night shift and I was just protecting our property.I was afraid ,after all I am a lady that was alone.If there is a fine ,let me know and I will pay it.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

"wrappuh" .

Bless You, Ofc. Don!

Personally, I wouldn't have been surprised to see that he had put a "rapper" in the trash. You know what a high rate of crime these "people" have, even against one another.

[Nobar King]

Re: Policing Freehold

Isn't there something you can do to keep the Nigras on the East Side (I'm thinking about Watermelon Town and Steppinfetchitville) from spending so much time on their porches, in their yards, and walking back and forth from the liquor stores?

Are you referring to these dudes?

I keep seeing them around and wonder why Ofc. Richards hasn't done anything about them, yet.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thank you so much, Officer Don, for keeping Freehold safe!! We WANT you on that wall, we NEED you on that wall!!

I realize that you are bound by many so-called "laws" that aren't actually in the Constitution that have been legislated from the bench by activist LIEberal judges, but isn't there something you can do to keep the Nigras on the East Side (I'm thinking about Watermelon Town and Steppinfetchitville) from spending so much time on their porches, in their yards, and walking back and forth from the liquor stores? Why are those people allowed to be out in public so much? You'd think they'd be ashamed to be walking around with all that shameful excess skin pigment!! It makes my wife Delores very nervous to see them on the sidewalk when we are driving home from church.

Thanks in advance, Officer Don. We know that you'll use True Christian judgment and wisdom to take care of this problem.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2009

I'll tell you what, it's absolutely ridiculous the lengths people will go to in order to avoid the long arm of the law.

This morning I was patrolling Main Street, and I rolled up on this black guy walking down the side walk. It so happens that I spotted him just in time to see him throwing something away in a garbage can on the corner. Apparently there was something in his possession he didn't want to get caught with.

Well, I lit him up with my lights and hopped out of the car.

"What did you just throw away there?" I asked.

"Jus' uh Egg McMuffin wrappuh" he said in that silly jive talk they have.

"Don't give me that old line" I said. I didn't have any gloves, and I didn't want to dig in the trash with my night stick, so I told him to fish out his Egg McMuffin "wrappuh" to prove his innocence.

He protested, but I threatened him with pepper spray. So he reached into the garbage can and produced an Egg McMuffin wrapper. Well it was pretty obvious that the wrapper must have been there before I stopped him, and he saw it and knew he could use it to his advantage.

"That wrapper was already in there wasn't it" I challenged.

He said it was his and he could prove that he had just thrown it away because it was still warm.

"That's because you're warming it up with your hand" I countered.

At this point I had enough games and told him he had better start digging until I had seen every scrap of paper, piece of discarded food, and soiled baby diaper inside that trash can, and then if there was no crack pipe or marijuana, he could go free.

He outright refused at this point, but when I threatened to arrest him for obstruction of justice and destruction of evidence, he decided to listen to the voice of reason and began removing garbage from the can and laying it out on the sidewalk for me to see.

Boy, did he get some funny looks from people passing by!

Dumpster diving is probably part of most black folks' daily routine, what with their attraction to shiny objects and whatnot. In about ten minutes he had totally emptied the trash can and organized the garbage on the sidewalk for me to see.

Well, it turns out there was no crack pipe or drugs in the garbage can, but no harm done. I told the negro to pick all the trash back up and put it in the can or I'd fine him for littering. After he was finished he said I had "made him late for work," but I seriously doubt he actually had a job. That was probably an Egg McMuffin purchased with our tax dollars on welfare.

Over and out.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2009

Tonight I faced a situation that most True Christians could only tremble in fear of.

I was on patrol down in the southeast corner again tonight, down by Mt. Herschel cemetery. As you know, it's illegal to be in the cemetery after dark, so when I saw a shadowy figure moving between headstones, I sprang into action.

I whipped out the trusty Maglite, hopped the fence with ease, and drew my tazer in the other hand.

"FREEHOLD POLICE DEPARTMENT, LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!" I screamed.

The bloodcurdling shriek that emanated from the dark figure sent chills up my spine as she spun around to face me. I already had a bad feeling about this person, but once the creature's face lit up in the beam of my flashlight, I knew what I was dealing with.

Her face was ghostly white. Thick, black makeup surrounded her eyes, and they seemed to glow in the dark because of the stark contrast between white and black on her face. Her hair was jet black, and greasy. Her lips were smeared over with black lipstick and I saw the glint of at least two nose piercings. And boy was she fat!

The only thing I could say was "WIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTCHH!!!!!!" I fired my tazer without even thinking, it was just an involuntary reaction to seeing something that scary.

She flew to the ground and let out another one of those terrifying screams. Suddenly I heard the sound of a small barking dog and I realized she had a leash clutched in her hand, with a really stupid looking wiener dog attached to the other end.

I lunged on her the way a bowling ball strikes its pin, and within seconds I had her cuffed to a nearby sapling. I secured the dog leash to her leg and began a search.

The first thing I noticed was her jewelry. She was definitely a witch, she had all kinds of pagan necklaces on and stuff. In her purse I recovered a cigarette lighter, doggy treats, a nail file and a hand mirror.

It was now entirely clear to me that I had arrived just in time to prevent a satanic sacrifice ritual. She must have stolen a leash, kidnapped a dog by luring it with doggy treats, and brought it here to the cemetery to slit its throat with her nail file and burn its body with the cigarette lighter to summon a demon (or even Lucifer himself!!) into her hand mirror, which she was probably going to take into a True Christian church and open it to unleash the armies of darkness on True Christian churchgoers!

She started screaming again so kicked her in the shin and asked her what she was doing out here in the graveyard after dark with occult paraphernalia. Of course she played stupid and just said she was walking her dog and it got dark faster than she thought it would. Yeah right. I pulled out my pocket Bible and flipped to Leviticus 19:31 and read aloud, Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.

Then to Exodus 22:18: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

I drew my Colt .45, cocked it and put the barrel to her forehead. "In a truly Christian nation I could put a bullet in your satanic brain and be given a medal for doing it. God says your kind should die. Lucky for you the liberals got to the legislature before I got to you." I eased the hammer back into place, holstered my gun again and threw her in the back of the patrol car.

I called animal control and told them I left the dog tied to a tree in a cemetery and it would probably have to be put down because it was likely possessed.

That's one less witch who'll be roaming the cemeteries of Freehold seeking to conjure demons to destroy our church!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Many of you called to report that you were hearing sirens zooming by all evening long.

I ignored them as a favor for you ignoring the Bullets flying from the door of my Christian manse. Quid pro quo, Officer!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards, I know you had your hands full last night and so I did not want to call. Being blessed by the good Lord with a large family and a multitude of persons in servitude, we collected quite a few of these miscreants and have them secreted in one of the outbuildings. I suggest bring a prison bus or similar sized secure vehicle for their removal. As of bed time last night, there were close to fifty still alive, as far as I could tell from a distance. They must all be Satan's henchmen as they all appear to be squealing midgets.