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  • Jo Freddie
    Unsaved trash
    Hateful God mocking pirate
    • Apr 2009
    • 6339
    #2806
    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    Quite true, if we're talking about Bridal Showers.

    The person below me was beaten as a boy for reading "Tarzan" novels instead of his Bible study...
    False on a couple of points, I was never beaten for reading Shazam books instead of his Bible study...

    The person below me thinks the House Boys have the right not to be sexually abused in the shower by deranged baptist pastors.
    Posted via Pasta

    True Pastafarian™

    May my Sauce be with you!
    Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
    Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
    The Loose Canon - HTML version
    Loose Canon Fan Page
    North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
    I have been to The Volcano!

      Comment

      • Pastor Ezekiel
        Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
         
        • Sep 2006
        • 78552
        #2807
        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

        Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post

        The person below me thinks the House Boys have the right not to be sexually abused in the shower by deranged baptist pastors.
        True, but there is no such thing as "deranged baptist pastors."


        The person under me knows that Jesus will see to it that pastafarians are boiled in scalding hot spaghetti sauce for all eternity down in hell.
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • Jo Freddie
            Unsaved trash
            Hateful God mocking pirate
            • Apr 2009
            • 6339
            #2808
            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

            Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
            The person under me knows that Jesus will see to it that pastafarians are boiled in scalding hot spaghetti sauce for all eternity down in hell.
            False, had the mythical Jesus ever existed and had been the son of God He would have been spreading the Sauce, not denying it.

            The person below me KNOWS that one of the most important prerequisites of becoming a Pastor at Landover Baptist Church is to be deranged.
            Posted via Pasta

            True Pastafarian™

            May my Sauce be with you!
            Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
            Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
            The Loose Canon - HTML version
            Loose Canon Fan Page
            North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
            I have been to The Volcano!

              Comment

              • Mary Thompson
                True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
                True Christian™
                • Mar 2013
                • 653
                #2809
                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                False, had the mythical Jesus ever existed and had been the son of God He would have been spreading the Sauce, not denying it.

                The person below me KNOWS that one of the most important prerequisites of becoming a Pastor at Landover Baptist Church is to be deranged.
                The pastors of Landover Baptist are certainly not deranged, only a Godless meat-ball worshipper could think that.
                The person under me sometimes gets tears of joy from thinking about Jesus.
                Thinking of Abortion?
                That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
                Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Ezekiel
                    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                     
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 78552
                    #2810
                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                    Originally posted by Mary Thompson View Post
                    The person under me sometimes gets tears of joy from thinking about Jesus.
                    Amen! That explains the piles of wet Kleenex in my Prayer Closet.

                    The person under me is ready to admit that they farted during my Sermon this morning.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment

                      • Jo Freddie
                        Unsaved trash
                        Hateful God mocking pirate
                        • Apr 2009
                        • 6339
                        #2811
                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                        The person under me is ready to admit that they farted during my Sermon this morning.
                        I am sure having to sit through one of your sermons would give anyone a severe bout of flatulence!

                        The person below me finds it hard not to snore when their have to endure one of Zekie boy's sermons.
                        Posted via Pasta

                        True Pastafarian™

                        May my Sauce be with you!
                        Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
                        Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
                        The Loose Canon - HTML version
                        Loose Canon Fan Page
                        North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
                        I have been to The Volcano!

                          Comment

                          • soulbanana
                            Unsaved trash
                            • Dec 2013
                            • 34
                            #2812
                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                            Originally posted by Jo Freddie View Post
                            I am sure having to sit through one of your sermons would give anyone a severe bout of flatulence!

                            The person below me finds it hard not to snore when their have to endure one of Zekie boy's sermons.
                            not really, I'm a deep sleeper.
                            TPAM has friends that are from other religions(if you do, good job )
                            Proverbs 6
                            [16] These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
                            [17] A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
                            [18] An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
                            [19] A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

                              Comment

                              • Wide-Open
                                Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                                A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                                Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                                True Christian™
                                • Nov 2007
                                • 18449
                                #2813
                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                The person above me does not understand the rules.

                                TRUE!

                                The person under me agrees.
                                Psalm 81:10:
                                I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                                open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                                  Comment

                                  • Mary Etheldreda
                                    Gushing for Jesus
                                     
                                    • Sep 2011
                                    • 23765
                                    #2814
                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                    True!
                                    The person under me loves Jesus so much it makes her cry when she thinks about all the sin she did her her life before her Salvation, when she ponders on the stripes of her Redeemer's back and wonders if He thought of her when His flesh was ripped off by the whip. She can't help but to wonder if He thought of her fondly at the time, or was He angry or worse, disappointed? And her love for Jesus is so strong that sometimes she just can't get out of bed for the crying, knowing what an awful wretch she was and how degrading it must have been for the Creator of the Universe to pick her blacked, sin-encrusted soul up and give her Living Waters to quench a thirst she never knew she had. She can hardly function some days knowing how very pathetic she is as a creature, and being utterly humbled by the love of Jesus, she is in awe over the fact that He even noticed her. And she doesn't want to embarrass Him, ever, but wants only to prove to Him her love is pure.
                                    Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                      Comment

                                      • soulbanana
                                        Unsaved trash
                                        • Dec 2013
                                        • 34
                                        #2815
                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                        Originally posted by Wide-Open View Post
                                        The person above me does not understand the rules.

                                        TRUE!

                                        The person under me agrees.
                                        Darn, found out
                                        I do not think that deeply, sadly
                                        TPAM thinks that salvation is possible for anybody.
                                        Proverbs 6
                                        [16] These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
                                        [17] A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
                                        [18] An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
                                        [19] A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.

                                          Comment

                                          • Basilissa
                                            South of the Border outreach program
                                            True Christian™
                                             
                                            • Mar 2013
                                            • 12909
                                            #2816
                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                            Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                                            True!
                                            The person under me loves Jesus so much it makes her cry when she thinks about all the sin she did her her life before her Salvation, when she ponders on the stripes of her Redeemer's back and wonders if He thought of her when His flesh was ripped off by the whip. She can't help but to wonder if He thought of her fondly at the time, or was He angry or worse, disappointed? And her love for Jesus is so strong that sometimes she just can't get out of bed for the crying, knowing what an awful wretch she was and how degrading it must have been for the Creator of the Universe to pick her blacked, sin-encrusted soul up and give her Living Waters to quench a thirst she never knew she had. She can hardly function some days knowing how very pathetic she is as a creature, and being utterly humbled by the love of Jesus, she is in awe over the fact that He even noticed her. And she doesn't want to embarrass Him, ever, but wants only to prove to Him her love is pure.
                                            TRUE!!

                                            The person below has had some private Bible study sessions with Pastor Zeke and remembers the feeling of being filled with our dearest Pastor's wisdom!
                                            God created fossils to test our faith.

                                            * * *

                                            My favorite LBC sermons:
                                            True Christians are Perfect!
                                            True Christian™ Love.
                                            Salvation™ made Easy!
                                            You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
                                            Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
                                            Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
                                             Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
                                            Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
                                            The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
                                            Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
                                            God HATES Rational Thinking!
                                            True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

                                              Comment

                                              • Bobby-Joe
                                                Landover Security Superviser
                                                Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                                                NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                                                True Christian™
                                                • Sep 2006
                                                • 18405
                                                #2817
                                                Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
                                                TRUE!!

                                                The person below has had some private Bible study sessions with Pastor Zeke and remembers the feeling of being filled with our dearest Pastor's wisdom!
                                                TRUE

                                                Several times Pastor Zeke has gotten his knees with me to draw the poison of AIDs out my body when Witches have spat their own poisoned blood in my face, just to infect me with the disease they all carry.

                                                The person below me knows better than to believe in evolution.

                                                Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                                                Hot Must ReadThreads!


                                                Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Mark L. Snyde, PhD
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    • Nov 2013
                                                    • 1284
                                                    #2818
                                                    Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                    Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                                                    ...
                                                    The person below me knows better than to believe in evolution.
                                                    True.

                                                    The conjecture of evolution made to remove God's glory from creation contradicts God's Word, and is therefore just outright bad science. Where are the landsharks, the crocoducks, and why are monkeys still here if monkeys turned into men? Why would some monkeys change while others did not. Evolution is very inconsistent. It is stupid to believe in something without solid evidence, such as the Word of God.

                                                    The person below me rejoices that those who defy God will burn forever, with their screamin' drowned in demon semen.
                                                    sigpic

                                                    I Kings 7:23

                                                    And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

                                                    New here? Desiring to be pleasing in the eyes of The Lord and His Followers?

                                                    Then do as directed by our esteemed Pastors and head on over to the Introductions subforum and make your first post there, friend. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus. Anything else you want to share with us about how Jesus has blessed you is welcomed too.

                                                    Are you a hater of God that believes He is a morally bankrupt monster? Read Why, you ask, is God so angry? to see that it is in fact you that is the monster that mercilessly and infinitely torments God.

                                                    Stop this relentless torturing of God and accept Jesus today!

                                                      Comment

                                                      • IreneS
                                                        Forum Member
                                                        • Dec 2013
                                                        • 197
                                                        #2819
                                                        Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                        Originally posted by Mark L. Snyde, PhD View Post
                                                        The person below me rejoices that those who defy God will burn forever, with their screamin' drowned in demon semen.
                                                        True.


                                                        The person below me is a foul-mouthed lezbean who spits in the face of the Lord

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                                                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                                             
                                                            • Sep 2006
                                                            • 78552
                                                            #2820
                                                            Re: The person under me: (True or false)

                                                            Originally posted by IreneS View Post
                                                            The person below me is a foul-mouthed lezbean who spits in the face of the Lord.
                                                            False (though I've dealt with quite a few).


                                                            The person under me eats ethnic foods like pig knuckles and liverwurst.
                                                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                              Comment

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